2004 BVDH3 Hash Trash

HASH DISCLAIMER: IT ONLY HAS TO BE 10% TRUE TO BE TRASH!

#108 – New Years Hangover Hash

Jan, 3rd 2004
Hares: Fire and Yanksit
Hounds: Ass Packet, Circle Blow, In My Mouth, Million Buck Fuck, Happy Meal, Ho Deep Ho, Dick Sniffah, CockTender, Just Swallows, Bike Bitch, Little Fin, Just Puke, Shop Teacher, Wood Liquor, Suckulator, Dr. Anus, Uncle Pervy, Short Straw, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Just Betsy, Just Jerry
HHHappy New Year everyone!!! Welcum to BVD hash trash 108. 80 degrees and sunny on January the 3rd!!! Thank god we live in Florida!!! We gathered at Long Doggers on Post Road at 2pm SHT. So we gathered and we drank. And we drank and we gathered. BIKE BITCH was sporting a Fred Flintstone type PooBah hat with horns for his first hash as GM. DR ANUS was a fashion statement in his CUMSICLE-gear. Everyone else was looking sharp in Standard Hash Gear. And finally it was time for the chalk talk. YANKSIT did the chalk talk with his lovely assistant FIREINDAHOLE providing interpretation for the hearing impaired. We gathered for a group grope and then YANKSIT was off laying some live trail with FIRE left to supervise the unruly pack. A few beers later and our new songmeister, COCKPIT, gathered the group into a prelube circle for a rousing rendition of "The Button Song" with her lovely assistant, CIRCLE BLOW.
Finally the hounds were off, heading (head, who said head) into the wilds of Wickham park. It was a nicely laid (laid?) trail through some very pretty terrain. A little hard to see the chalk marks on the sugar sand, but we didn't lose anyone for very long. Not enough shiggy on trail for some folks though, so it seems some ranging was in order. JUST PUKE wins the prize for most blood on trail at the halfway...that must have been some serious ranging!!!! Or maybe he just had to pee???? The first half of the trail took us through an trailer park where JUST SWALLOWS met some of her own kind....'hey Heidi, I have the biggest tent in the park'. And hey...can somebody out there tell me what a 'Rodeo Fuck' is???? Notable at the halfway was the contest regarding who was most able to remove a woman's bra....SHOP TEACHER claimed to be able to do it with one hand (go figure), but WOOD LIQUOR claimed to be able to do it with his tongue. He did a demonstration on HO DEEP HO, but I didn't see any tongue involved.
I guess the trail was a little long for our grand poobah, BIKE BITCH, becuz he was seen catching a ride on ASS PACKET. I heard he left Dick tracks on ASS PACKETs back. More trail, more trail, more trail, then....without warning....not even a BN....there was a circle....no, not CIRCLE BLOW....an actual circle.
Hares first....FIRE and YANKSIT took a seat for the critiquing of the trail. But first, we had to have a full accounting of all of the Hounds' New Year's resolutions while they got comfortable. Some hounds wanted 'more sex' and then there was 'more sex on trail' and of course some of the other hounds wanted 'more sex'. The trail was accepted by the group "it sucked" and they were off the ice.
Then a series of other hounds took their places on the ice....lets see... SUCKY was on the ice for something. And all the GM's drank a few times. ASS PACKET and HAPPY MEAL were on the ice for story time. Something about a Bad Ninja and her birthday. AP stayed on the ice for another story regarding New Years Eve. I think this is when COCKPIT joined him. And there was a story by SHOP TEACHER about getting stopped for driving under the speed limit with PERVY in the car. (Under the speed limit??? PERVY???? Must be a lie)
DICK SNIFFAH was on the ice for a moving performance of Happy Birthday...Happy Birthday sweetheart, Fuck you. Our virgin, Just Frank took the ice, but his Aunt, JUST BETSY, who made him cum had stunt cunt, JUST JERRY, take the ice for her. JUST BETSYtook the ice on her own behalf later on, but I can't remember what for...I think UNCLE PERVY helped her out. Maybe she was the DFL and the FRB was DR ANUS (ok, if I'm wrong, shoot me).
SHORT STRAW took the ice for too long between, but he quibbled about that later, since he was, so he claims, at the last hash. HAPPY MEAL took the ice again to pass the HUYA...which she actually carried on trail this time (see the pictures for evidence). She added a picture of a pussy and a whip to the HUYA in honor of her pussy whipped man, LITTLE FIN. And the HUYA went to ASS PACKET for his ninja-like stealth at her surprise birthday party. Our loving couples, IN MY MOUTH/MILLION BUCK FUCK and COCKTENDER/JUST SWALLOWS and COCKPIT/ CROTCH DUSTER (well at least CD), were uncharacteristically quiet this hash. Too much sex???? Nah, not possible. Maybe just post coital exhaustion. I mean, hey, even God had to rest on the seventh day.
The hash ended with several versions of Swing Low and the hounds headed (head?) back to Long Doggers for some very hot wings. Men in the Ladies Room. Inappropriate songs. Bad language in front of Children. Fighting amongst the hashers...can't we all just get along??? Lots of kisses and butt fondling. All of the standard stuff.
ON AFTER AFTER---LGC.. I'm pretty sure we only got to see FIRE's boobs once on trail this hash....I think that is a Hash Harlot foul. We'll be watching for more appropriate harlot behavior in the future. May the Hash get a piece. Happy Meal, On-Sec Stunt Cunt
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#109 - Penny Annie's

Jan, 17th 2004
Ms Meal says she fears she's lost too many brain cells and has called upon me to assist with the trash from my secret desert location.
Hares: Dr. Anus and Just Puke
Hounds: Sniffa, Circle Blow, MBF, IMM, Shop Teacher, Just Dave, Sperm Aid, Krusty Kreme, Pocket Rocket, Cock Tender, Just swallows, Short Straw, Yanksit, Fire, Happy Meal, Little Fin , I do it with her
Start: Penny Annie's on Minton Road (sports bar)
As interpreted by the notes HAPPY MEAL sent me: (I have no pictures to help me - I need the visual aids)
I guess you didn't properly cordon off the chalk talk area, because when you went out to receive your chalk talk, a wanker maroon Saturn had parked over the marks. ASS PACKET, the webmeister was missing because he's on the Atkin's diet - hey, ever heard of Michelob Ultra - you can still hash and get skinny - ask SUCKULATOR. Or maybe he was mentally exhausted after returning from Geek school.
MISS DICK SNIFFA filled in for the beermeister - where is that WOOD LIQUOR anyway? And the KITTY - where was he? Kinda suspicious - BIKE B is out, no beermeister, no hare raiser, no GM - what are they up to? A threesome?
I'm told we've been touched by the spirit - or is that spirits - a hash prayer was given at the start - to bless the trail and ask not to be driven into temptation - oh wait - not to be bitten by snakes, gaters, or Michael knight. I didn't see anything about praying for the BIKE BITCH to stop spewing from both ends. I don't know how he's doing really - I just know it's been awful quiet on the group mail. Someone needs to check on my boy Maverick - if BIKE B is too weak to feed him, I won't have my boyfriend when I return.
AUTOHASHERS : HAPPY MEAL AND DICK SNIFFA (NUF SAID) Was this a long trail? Even SHOP TEACHER auto hashed after the second beer stop.
There was wetness on trail, but big logs kept most everyone dry. Usually a big log means extra wet for me. <insert wicked little smile here. The shiggy was not your traditional ANUS/PUKE jungle gym trail but there were a few dead smelly animals at the first beer stop and lots of YBFs and countbacks. Imagine this - DR ANUS was LOST ON TRAIL while laying it. Ever heard of GPS?
I am doing my best to decipher the notes - I'm told MBF got a hair cut - does that mean he came to the hash with a hair cut or someone pulled out the scissors or are we talking really short hairs. I guess it means hair on the head since IMMBFM was grumpy. Oh wait, it's because she quit smoking – now I get it. Good on you girlfriend. Stick with the pipe, not those little sticks. <insert wicked little smile here >
JUST DAVE (and who is the hasher who made him cum?) is a pilot currently laid off by Delta. I've got a job for you Dave - pick me up in 7 weeks in Qatar and get my ass out of here. Apparently he is extra absorbent but only useful once a month or only cums once a month or something like that - so every 28 days I guess we girls are in for a treat. And because of all this cyclic talk, JUST DAVE will be here and forever known as CAPTAIN KOTEX
Already the notes take me to the circle with accusations. The HARES ANUS and PUKE also known as "the dastardly duo" took the ice first. I'm sure this is going to be hilarious to those of you who were there because my notes now say that they had a garage sale while sitting on ice and I'm sure I am not interpreting that correctly - what do you sell at an ice chair sale - Sno nuts?, frozen bananas? wet jogging shorts? Chili dogs? No wait - Cocktail slushes and spare tires.
Those wearing gray t-shirts, I guess there were too many - had to bare their arses.JUST SWALLOWS and COCKTENDER had sex on trail....twice. They missed the first beer stop and were DFL for the end. KWAZEE WABBITTS!!!!!
Finally the notes reveal that our AUTOHASHERS were in fact a bit under the weather. I DO IT WITH HER offered some purse food to the weak but die hard hasher, SHOP TEACHER (fruit cocktail and a spoon). That's got to be a first - I don't think we've eaten anything but jello shots, cheesy poufs or maybe some V on trail, but fruit cocktail? We must remember to build a trail safety kit - because up until now, we haven't had one and have been living dangerously. Our safety kit will include bug juice, bandages, one bottle of Vodka (in lieu of anesthetic), a tow rope, a set of "damn jumper cables that are actually in your car and not in the garage" as YANKSIT would put it so they don't have to call AAA again, a window breaking pick (in case the BIKE BITCH locks himself out of the car again and some MRE's (meals ready to eat for you non-military folks - and don't eat the heater - it's not a wafer). Oh yes, and don't forget the FIRE. Pack some heat for those chilly nights. Of course YANKSIT will be the only warm one, so bring your own sleeping bag.
Is someone going to tell me what the hell LITTLE FIN means or am I going to have to beat it out of you when I return? Or are we going to have to beat HIM for being so damned pussy whipped? He was carrying HAPPY MEAL'S vessel this time. Pretty soon the woman won't even have to do trail - he'll carry her the whole way. There - I said it - it's all out in the open now – oh yeah, we almost named him that. I guess you already knew.
The hashers toasted to G, then me ( I made a rhyme), then to beer, and there's no recollection after that. The circle made a call to the BIKE BITCH at home sick and sang to him. The notes say the hares were back on ice and I can't imagine that these two charming boys did anything wrong in order to have to bare arse and chill their giblets once again. And SPERMAID must have had an attitude when they accused him of too long in between hashes- I heard he picked up the ice chair and body slammed it like WWF and dumped all the ice on purpose. No one but virgins escapes the ice at the BVD hash - so YANKSIT scooped up the muddy ice and made him sit on it. Imagine explaining a muddy arse to your spouse. Good thing KRUSTY KREME was there or he could have been in some serious hot water.
Lots of folks showed up in wanker clothes, which only proves to me that it's time for another costume party or the cheap bastards need to break down and buy some hash gear. FIN was one of the derelicts AND THEN he forgets he has headgear on and covered the little fin with his head gear (I'm going to have my own definition if no one will tell me - as soon as I accuse him of having a Vienna sausage, the truth will come out). He will adamently deny it and tell me the truth about the name.The notes say YANKSIT was the FRB -------------------- NO SHIT - isn't he always the FRB ? I heard there was a boat on trail - was he in it?
I see there were more boob comparisons in the parking lot on after at penny annies, but that doesn't tell me anything - we've had women squeezing women's boobs before, men on women, men on men - this one could mean anything - bare boobs, covered boobs, felt up boobs - you'll have to be more specific. Hot wings for everyone, the typcial communal bathroom visits, and a new game --- condom volleyball. I believe that's when you blow it up (not the lubed one either) and one team gets in the bartender's pit and the other gets on the barstools and you spike the condomball right over the bar. And whoever can puncture the condomball first loses. A hole in your condomball is never a good thing.
[SSSSHHHHHHHHHH - don't say anything but I think I know why ASS SQUEALER stopped hashing - he's upset that FIRE got the hash harlot - cuz she has way nicer boobs than him. I think he is bitter over the whole thing. DO NOT try to entice him back by complimenting him and filling his head with ideas like "we miss him" - or "we can't hash without him". Lord knows the self-proclaimed hash stud's head will explode all on it's own. It's that little personality quirk that we find so amusing and he wouldn't be SQUEALOR without it.]
There were on-after crashers, JUST BETSY, JUST TERRY AND JUST NEPHEW (that's what it says - I could make something up) which are always welcum, but they have to suffer the wrath of those who actually completed the trail. JUST SWALLOWS passed out in the back seat of the car...it happens to the best of us....the down downs will get you every time. A few porcelain hugs and a horizontal day and you'll be just fine.
And as I sit here reading over my translation of the notes, pondering when I might hash for real again, meanwhile, I torment my coworker who has been trying to guess my hash name for weeks - he even spent a half day surfing the web for our hash site trying to find it - He did find the Space Coast hash page - asked if I recognized anyone - I said yes - "is that your hash" - welllllll, yes. (I wasn't totally lying) He still hasn't guessed it - that should throw him for a little while. He knows Sicle from the cards I received over Christmas and he's guessed the Russian Sicle -I think not.
One more mark on the calendar - I may not make it back for St Patty's Day - that's probably for the best so I can do a slow re-entry and keep myself out of the back seat of a car.
I'll be in touch - may the hash go in peace
Cumsicle
ON-SEC
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#110 - The Engagement Party Hash

Jan, 31st 2004
HHHello HHHashers!
Welcome to Hash 110--the engagement party hash.
HARES:  In My Mouth and Million Buck Fuck (alternatively In My Million Buck F*ck Mouth)
HOUNDS:  Happy Meal, Little Fin, Short Straw, Skybox, Fireindahole, Yanksit,Suckulator, Dick Sniffah, Shop Teacher, Just Gary, Wood Liquor, Kittylingus,Dr. Anus, Semen Dispenser, Bike Bitch, Crotch Duster, Cockpit, Circle Blow,Ass Packet, Slow Poker, Ho Deep Ho, maybe some more...who the fuck can tell.
VIRGINS: Just Ray, Just Jolly, Just Tin, Just Cassandra, Just Jake
FOUND ON STREET:  Stumbelina
ON AFTER ONLY:  Cocktender and Just Swallows
What a great showing of BVDer's on a rainy Saturday afternoon!  Hash Flash was late (as usual) and missed Chalk Talk, but by my count when I showed up there were 69 brave drunks (or maybe it was 26) out in the rain drinking cheap beer!  Go BVD!  And VIRGINS....lots and lots of VIRGINS!!!
The hares, IMM and MBF were ON OUT just as LITTLE FIN and I arrived, so we grabbed a beer and some lost property and gathered the group for a quick grope.  A count of 1, 2, 69 and we were all smiles...except for the virgin JUST JOLLY and SEMEN DISPENSER who made her cum--they were on a potty break,so we had to do it all over again.  With shouts of 69, 69, 69....impatient bastards.  Then we circled up for Father Abraham and an introduction of our virgins, drank another beer and were ON OUT...
Walkers took off heading south on Wickam.  The runners quickly caught up and passed us by...only to be caught in a 5 plop Count Back.  Now 5 plots doesn't seem like much here in the trash, but little did we know that MILLION BUCK FUCK is actually allergic to flour and can only lay 1 plot every 1.27 miles. The True Trail headed into the shiggy and not too far in, guess what????  An EXTRA CREDIT!!!!!  We love the hares!!!
EXTRA CREDIT was champagne nicely decorated with ribbons and dixie cups To drink it from.  Most of the hounds I saw took a chug straight from the bottle though and were ON OUT right away.  The trail went through some great shiggy and down the railroad tracks, across Hwy 1, past a beautiful scenic waterfall and into Rotary Park.  The halfway was under a pavilion, which turned out to be really good planning on the Hares part becuz it started raining for real about this point.
It was a nice long halfway stop. I noticed that we lost SKYBOX by this point.  I heard she left her kids at Wally World, came out to do some trail, and went back to get them....damn woman, that is serious time management.  I only have one thing to say about the halfway.....WOOD LIQUOR listen up!!! We do NOT bring FAKE CHEESY POUFS to the Hash!!!!  CIRCLE BLOW will no longer reimburse the beer meister for substandard fare!!!!  Take Heed!!!! We may drink the cheapest beer off the shelf, but we will not compromise when it comes to the quality of our CHEESY POUFS.  Do   You Understand?????
The Hares were ON OUT again, leaving FIRE in charge.  FIRE in charge???? AND she was an AUTO HASHER too!  She took the reigns of power in hand and announced "I'm in charge!  Leave whenever the hell you want to."
Fortunately BIKE BITCH was there to control the damage.  He used his atomic watch to count the seconds for us not letting anyone leave until EXACTLY 15 minutes and 69 seconds had passed.  ASS PACKET on the other hand, was ignoring the group looking all kinds of grumpy as he chugged one water after another....boy you need to slow that habit down.  Remember....Dr. Atkins is dead now.  FINALLY, we were ON OUT again.
Now, things start to get a little hairy.  During the halfway MILLION BUCK FUCK announced that we should either 'go north' or 'stay north' or 'don't go back the way you came' or 'ya bunch of drunks, find the damn trail' or something like that.  Nobody is really quite sure, cuz face it, who the fuck was listening.  The hounds headed out towards Highway 1.  Our GM paused to give a card to some folks who actually knew we were hashers!  Then the FRB's led us straight North on Hwy 1.......not that there were any actual Plops heading that way, mind you....but hey, the Hares told us too, right???? Didn't they???  Are you sure????  Who was listening????
About a mile up the road with no plots (not even black chalk on blacktop), somebody finally stopped to do a sanity check.  Did they say 'go north' or 'stay north of Suntree' or maybe, just maybe, it was 'stay on the north side of Suntree'.....hmmmm, better go back and actually look for a trail. 
Sure enough, plops galore (just like Pussy Galore, but drier) on the North Side of Suntree and then we were ON ON and sniffing that trail like blood hounds. This part of the trail took us past a Georgia Mansion...guess, what? 
No Trespassing.  Our DFLs nearly got shot (note for later....we need to make this guy a hasher so we can have a camping hash on his lawn) And then.....Guess what??????  More EXTRA CREDIT!!!!!  We love the hares!!!!!!
This time the EXTRA CREDIT was a bottle of Apple Korn...the very liquor that AK-40 was named after. What a coincidence since....ANNOUNCEMENT!!!  PAY ATTENTION!!!  AK-40 is BACK!  And they play tonight at Murphy's with the lovely Miss FIRE as lead singer!!!!  Shots all around and ON OUT again.
Back to the railroad tracks we go.  STUMBELINA said she could always find the hashers, they hang out by railroad tracks.....I don't know....she was sober, so she probably didn't know what she was talking about.  But, now that we are talking about her, let me say that we found her!!  There she was, right on the trail.  We saw her from a distance and SHOP TEACHER said to me....look, there's TRIP AND FALL.  I said "who"???  He said, you know, TRIP AND FALL, she was a JINGLE BALLS.  OHHHHHH, OK, TRIP AND FALL, STUMBELINA.....give the guy a break, he only met her once and at least it made sense.  We did note that there may have been some competitive behavior as our FRB, YANKSIT, couldn't even take the time to stop and say Hi.......
Round and round and round we went finally ending up at a very nicely marked BN with an ON IN sign.  Trail ended at IMM and MBF's house.  There was food everywhere, and if you could get your hands on it without IMM yelling at you it was awesome.  To tell the truth, even with IMM yelling at you it was awesome.  And I should note here that if I had not stolen a deviled egg (or 2 or 3) I wouldn't have gotten any at all.  So there, ha.  SHORT STRAW flashed me his boobs for the camera.....hon, let's let the girls do it from now on, ok?  Some non-hashers showed up....Just Patty and another friend of FIRE's, IMM's Sister (?) and her husband....I set up a special HASH FLASH chair, but it was wet, so I asked CROTCHDUSTER to please dry it off for me....I DID NOT ask him to sit his fat butt in the chair, wiggle around, and break the chair!!!! (ok, i did ask him to sit down and wiggle around, but that is another story).
There was a car shuttle before the circle.  AND FINALLY we circled up.  The ice was chilled and poured into the ICE CHAIRS of DEATH and first to enjoy it was our fine Hares.  It was IN MY MOUTH's first time on 'new ice' and she reports that it is kind of sharp.  The trail was critiqued and it was noted and this harriette must agree.....you all are TOO FUCKING NICE!!!! 
What has become of this hash?  Around the circle we went and the comments were so very sweet and nice...good trail, nice shiggy, thanks for the extra credit....what the fuck????  The correct hash response to the question "what did you think of the trail?"  (cum on, i know you know the answer)
......is......   "IT SUCKED".  So many things sucked about this trail that weren't even mentioned. ......let me help here...... no lesbians, no tit checks, no sex, no blood, no dick checks, no naked dwarfs, no sex.... I could go on and on.  Next circle, let's think before we talk, ok guys???
Next on ice was .... hmmm.... do I have to go in order?  Let me check the pictures.  Totally out of order from here on....I see that SNIFFAH was On the ice...best I can recall it was for being SNIFFAH, no wait, something is coming to me....maybe it was for the Patriots being in the Super bowl....did I mention yet that accusations got way out of control this hash?  No?  Let me give you another example then, SHOP TEACHER was put on ice for only having one hand....this is an accusation???  I also see that ASS PACKET helped SNIFFAH enjoy her ice.  We noted in a private party that helping the ice sitters has gone out of favor with this group and we need to bring it back in...as long as the chairs can handle it.
Oh yea, back to SHOP TEACHER.  You would think he would know better, wouldn't you???  SHOP TEACHER showed up for the hash in NEW SHOES. But....here's the twist.....rather than drink his water (not a beer Drinker here) from his shoe, he would chug a beer....hmmmm.  And so it was.  We Got SLOW POKER and JUST GARY on the ice for too long between....SLOW POKER?  Did I say SLOW POKER??....well, I'll be damned.  WOOD LIQUOR was on the ice For something....it wasn't his Spongebob Squarepants boxers, but it should Have been.
I see that BIKE BITCH was on ice too.  I think that was for being the Oldest hasher.  Or maybe it was his 50th hash?  Or maybe we just wanted to see His ass?  And of course, when one GM drinks.....  IN MY MOUTH was on ice for a milestone too.  I guess it was her 50th, no wait X that out, 25th hash. 
DR. ANUS, YANKSIT and somebody were FRB and poor JUST JOLLY had to take the Ice for DFL. What kind of chivalry is it when the man who made you cum (SEMEN DISPENSER), steps up his pace just enough to beat you in the door and make you DFL????  I think CROTCHDUSTER was on ice for rejoining the employed and leaving soon....if not he should have been.  And then there was the HUYA.  ASS PACKET's sober ass carried the HUYA on trail this time.  He did a fine job of it.  But there was no question of where the HUYA was going next. The group has been wanting to give this one for quite some time. 
MILLION BUCK FUCK is the big winner for proposing to IN MY MOUTH.  I thought it Was put very nicely by a street vendor in Vegas...."are you married or happy".....'nuf said.
KITTYLINGUS helped our ice sitters out with the longest rendition of the 'cat scan, lab work' joke (if you don't know it, don't ask) that I have Ever heard.  Could be cuz he started over about 69 times.
Let's get to our VIRGINS already.  We started with 5 and ended with 3. 
DR ANUS' virgins couldn't hang.  Guess they didn't get the 3-5 mile thing.
JUST TIN took to the ice like an old hand.  JUST RAY and JUST JOLLY chose to opt out.  JUST JOLLY got SEMEN DISPENSER to Stunt cunt for her this time (serves him right for the DFL thing).  I think JUST TIN is a virgin from Texas or maybe it was JUST RAY....not sure.  I know SKYBOX made JUST RAY cum.  Nobody told JUST RAY what Standard Hash Attire is though.  The rest is all just silly details.  I do know that JUST TIN had a good time and will be joining us again....somehow I see an early naming in our future.....and, speaking of namings.....we had one!
JUST GARY shall henceforth and forever be known as CAN'T GET LAID.  It Was JUST GARY's 5th Hash, so not only did he have to take the ice for too Long between, he got a second chance for headgear (Head, who said head), and A third for his naming.  It might just be the fastest naming in the history of BVD tho.  We went through a few of the standard questions, but with his affiliation with SINGLESFOCUS.ORG, the answer was obvious.  Thank you to CROTCHDUSTER for this gem of a name.
The circle ended with a traditional version of Swing Low, and then there was food.  Poor MBF didn't plan on the Circle lasting an hour, so the burgers were a bit like crackers, but the rest of the spread was delectable. (and I should add that the cracker burgers got eaten with no problems or complaints by this drunk crowd).  Beans and eggs and crudités (that is French for veggies and dip) and CAKE!  Yummy.
COCKPIT showed her tits.  HAPPY MEAL showed her tits to SHOP TEACHER as A birthday present.  But the crowd didn't like that, so she gave a peek (peak?) to the rest of the group to calm the masses.  Now if anyone else in BVD claims they have not seen the HAPPY Chest, I know they are lying.
YANKSIT showed his butt (like we haven't all seen that before), but This time SHOP TEACHER livened it up with a little NUBBING (like fisting Only without the fingers).  SHOP TEACHER, please remind us uneducated....it is a Nub and Nubblets?  That can't be right....help me out here.
IN MY MOUTH and MILLION BUCK FUCK led the way to the hot tub, but the Only other takers were LITTLE FIN and HAPPY MEAL.  Not that there weren't Plenty of observers (and don't think we didn't see you peeking out the window To see if we were having sex).  And then we were ON OUT to Murphy's to see AK-40.
Band sounded great.  FIRE was awesome.  LITTLE FIN distributed some 'hookers R us' cards and we had some voting for the best whore on a business card. HAPPY MEAL flashed the band, but only FIRE actually saw it.  (hey, wait a minute...isn't FIRE the HASH HARLOT?  How cum we never see her tits???)
COCK TENDER AND JUST SWALLOWS made a cameo appearance.  Black Velvet inspired some lap dancing.  Ummm.....Hmmmm.....well......hey then.......
May the Hash get a piece.
Happy Meal
On-Sec Stunt Cunt
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#111 - Valentines Hash

Feb 14th 2004
Ahhhh, Amour.  What besides love could bring 26 crazy people all dressed in red hearts and flowers out on a rainy February Valentines day?  Well, love of Beer anyway J.
Start Point:  Lou’s Blues Indialantic
Hares:  Fireindahole and Yanksit
Hounds:  Bike Bitch, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Happy Meal, Little Fin, In My Mouth, Million Buck Fuck, Suckulator, Just Tin, Uncle Pervy, Semen Dispenser, Just Jolee, Stumbelina, Shop Teacher, Short Straw, Dick Sniffah, Hot Carl, Dr. Anus, Cock Tender and Just Swallows
Virgins:  Just Julie, Just Ed, Just Julie, Just Tony, Just Craig, Just Peter, Just LeeAnn, and Just John
Appearances:  Can’t Get Laid
HHHey everyone, good news!  Hash Flash and Stunt C*nt ON-Sec actually made it to the hash on time this week!  It was COCKTENDER and JUST SWALLOWS turn to be late…maybe they decided to have sex BEFORE the trail this time!!!  Or maybe he was liking her ‘SWALLOWS’ belly button ring…..who can tell?  We had no trouble spotting the pack on the back balcony of Lou’s Blues with the BVD Flag waving proudly over the heads (head, who said head) of a sorry looking group of hounds dressed all up in red.  There were red t-shirts and red shorts, red headbands and bandannas, a disturbing number of men wearing only boxers with hearts and lips on them, and STUMBELINA in her traditional Hash attire mini dress with sandals.  There were some disappointments as well…..
LITTLE FIN had no red, not even the pretty red panties he wore for his Christmas card, so he had to take a trip across the street to Wally World.  At first glance, it appeared that SUCKULATOR had no red, but he soon dropped his drawers and hashed in only his boxers as well.  DR. ANUS bucked all tradition and showed up dressed entirely in black with a ‘Hi! My Name is SATAN’ name tag sewn right into the shirt.  There was quite the religious theme to this hash anyway, maybe because it was SAINT Valentine? SEMEN DISPENSER appeared to have no red on either, but maybe his was undercover too.
We gathered on the balcony for a group grope.  Nobody seemed to want to touch each other to get close enough for Hash Flash’s pleasure….maybe we should start doing these gropes after the beer stops.  Then down to the parking lot for a very PINK chalk talk.  The hounds wisely decided that throwing white powder around in business areas is not such a good idea, so this trail was mostly laid in pink.  (hmmm, laid in pink).   We brought the two virgins to the front and explained the symbols to them.  I should note that there was no EC on the ground for chalk talk and I remember one hare getting the huya for just such an offense…..SNIFFAH, comments on chalk talk?
And the pack was on out.  No surprise the trail took us directly to the beach and there was a death march on the sand for about a mile til we were ON UP and ON IN for EXTRA CREDIT at the Holiday Inn (SICLE is this trail starting to sound familiar to you????).  Apparently the bar wasn’t quite prepared for a group like us….could it have been the AA meeting in the next room?…..and didn’t have the liquor to make any damn drink we craved….no buttery nipples, no blow jobs.  So we settled for plain ole KameKazies…(ok, only 4 of us did, I have no idea what the rest of you wankers drank).  And we picked up FIVE more VIRGINS!!!  There were some hotties in that group too, SICLE hon, you need to get your ass home!  They were guests of HOTCARL’s (a new transplant in from Albequerque---more on him at the circle).  And we were ON OUT again.
Stopped for a photo op on the overpass over A1A….all those hairy chests up against the glass didn’t cause a single car wreck or 911 call that I know of.   Didn’t you guys hear my advice to SHORT STRAW last hash??? Leave the flashing to the Harriettes!!! And yet, there was SHORT STRAW’s left tit…pressed right up against the glass….. Then we were ON ON through a culvert and a construction area (Hard Area, Head Protection Required), and a trailer park guarded by fuzzy white bears (they bite, beware), and into a little shiggy, and on and on and on and on and on (oh, no wait, that is what an dick ON ON tattoo becomes with a morning woody).  And we picked up another VIRGIN on trail (maybe technology on trail isn’t so bad).  And then FINALLY there was a BEER NEAR.  In the parking lot of a Baptist church…..more religion.  The hounds munched on cheesy poufs and drank a beer or two while trying to decide what bad message we could put on the letter board in from of the church, but we settled for just taking a picture of SATAN in front of the sign.  To make up for being nice about the sign, we sang a few verses of the Jesus song, just in case anybody thought they were not going to hell after this hash.  JUST JULIE made friends with someone over a fence who invited us over to party, but we had no time because we had to be ON OUT.
And into more shiggy.  And through a very tight place (thank god for Atkins or some of our hounds may not have made it!!!), so how was the fit ASS PACKET, SUCKY?  And through another church yard.  And we found some playground equipment for the swingers among us, but I think CIRCLE BLOW was the only taker.  There were lots of vines for the rest of the swingers and lots of hounds got a little bloody.  I believe the worst wound was the VIRGIN JUST JULIE’s knees.  Yes, by the way, I know there were two JUST JULIE’s this hash….I haven’t figured out a way to distinguish yet, but for now we’ll call this one JUST JOLEE’s (AKA JUST JOLLY) JULIE.  We found out at the beginning that JUST JULIE made JUST ED cum, but JUST JOLEE made JUST JULIE cum, so I guess they have it all worked out.  We found WOOD LIQUOR in a shallow grave near a check, guess the trail was just too damn long for him (does that explain the HUYA?).
And FINALLY, a BEER NEAR (damn YANKSIT, you said it was a short trail….I measured it at 9.69 miles.  And we circled up around a little pink circle and the Ice Chairs of Death.  Note to future hares…if you have twenty six hounds, you need a DAMN BIG circle.  And there were Cheezy Poufs and pink and white M&M’s, and it was good.  It was the looooonnnnnggggest circle in recent memory, perhaps because of the explanations of events for the virgins.  By the way, you can spot the virgins in the photos because they all look like normal people who are NOT wearing red.
Now, let’s not forget those KameKazies at the EXTRA CREDIT as I try to recall the events of the circle.    We had the traditional toasts….to G, to SICLE, and to…damn why can’t I ever remember the 3rd toast?  Then there were Hare’s on Ice.  (ok, that one is a no brainer).  ASS PACKET stepped into the circle to act as RELIGIOUS ADVISOR in practice for his extended Stunt C*nt performance in the weeks to cum.  It seems our illustrious advisor is going away for a few months to rehab….I mean retrain.   Something about ASS PACKET and the cross just looked wrong, then he turned it upside down and it made much more sense.  The hares were on ice for a long long time as we explained the stages of ice to the virgins, had some discussion on bike week, and generally just wasted a bunch of time.  Once they were in the final stage of ice, (4 or is it 5, I should know that by now, huh) they got to do a down down and YANKSIT was dismissed.  FIREINDAHOLE got to sit a while longer as she received her milestone 100 hashes tag and another down down.
FRB’s took the ice and the winners were---DR ANUS (no surprise and competitive behavior was reported as well) and SUCKULATOR (and he didn’t even cheat….this time).  DFL was SEMEN DISPENSER as a just reward for making JUST JOLEE the DFL last hash.  We brought the virgins in for a down down…a couple of them took the ice, but they haven’t learned about stacking yet, so the rest just stood….and we had the loooonnnnggggest version of the ‘why are we waiting’ song I have ever heard as one of the female virgins (sorry ladies, I didn’t ever catch your names in person….next time get there the fuck on time!!!!  When we say 2pm we damn well mean 245pm!), so either JUST LEEANN or JUST JULIE had a problem drinking from her beer can…didn’t catch that bring a vessel part either, huh…..or maybe it was her flip flops slowing her down (don’t I remember a certain harriette getting the huya for allowing LITTLE FIN to come to his first hash in sandals????)  Finally one of the male virgins (sorry guys, same excuse) helped her out and we brought the visitors to the circle.  In this particular case our visitors were also virgins and they were from CLEVELAND, so I’ll just call them JUST CLEVELAND.  They bared their butts and took to the ice like pros….probably made them homesick.
SUCKULATOR took the ice for something else and DICK SNIFFAH joined him.  I’m not sure if there was any reason for this except so someone could put BUSH/CHENEY bumper stickers on the back of these bleeding heart liberal democrats seats for a picture…which will be published in the paper should either of them decide to run for office on the democratic ticket ever in the future.  Our newest hound, HOT CARL, took the ice and explained his name….do I even want to tell this story???  Ok, what the hell, apparently HOTCARL went to Amsterdam as a young pup and bought himself a hooker.  She said she knew just what he needed….he needed a Hot Carl…so he agreed, she strapped him down, he got all hot and horny, she looked him straight in the eye…..and shat on his chest….’nuf said.
We passed some lost property back to its rightful owners….SUCKULATOR (boy isn’t that ice getting old yet?) and CIRCLE BLOW…..timely return of those Santa hats from Jingle balls.  DICK SNIFFAH and STUMBELINA were on ice for something….hottest harriettes, maybe?  BIKE BITCH, our illustrious leader, led the circle through the ritual  temporary passing of the RA cross from YANKSIT to ASS PACKET.  And there was the
HUYA.  MILLION BUCK F*CK carried the HUYA for having proposed to IN MY MOUTH.  Seems to follow that IN MY MOUTH would have to carry the HUYA for saying yes (the offense is equally as stupid), but that isn’t what happened at all.  MILLION BUCK FUCK sent nominations to the circle after showing us his short leash which he had added to the HUYA.  There were a few lame ones, but WOOD LIQUOR won the AYE vote for having skipped the last half of the trail and going straight to the circle.  I don’t know…this Harriette thinks we could do better.  There were a few options that didn’t get mentioned…. ass in the cooler SUCKLATOR, couldn’t wait for the chair??? IMM, whoever let that poor virgin wear flip flops, anyone who would let someone shit on their chest, poorly orchestrated chalk talk…..none so great as the historic channel swim ala SALAD SHOOTER or 103 MPH DUI ala UNCLE PERVY, but still…..maybe we should go back to just letting the HUYA carry it until the next person does something equally or more stupid than their offense…..thoughts anyone?  Anyway, HUYA down downs all around and on we go.
Then all the women got in the circle…I guess the offense was being women on Valentines day … and had a down down.  Shouldn’t it have been couples, not women?  Anyway, I’m just bitching because I left my sunglasses on my head and no one told me….so I had to bear my ass to the ice (water) for a head gear violation.  JUST TIN joined me….my ass was too cold for me to register what he had done wrong.  We had our down down and then someone suggested an early naming for JUST TIN, but that was (rightly so) vetoed until his 5th hash or he does something incredibly stupid like the rest of us.
WOOD LIQUOR was on ice again.  It might have had something to do with the goo in the bottom of his mug.  Or maybe it had to do with his brand new ON ON Foot tattoo.  Once a hasher always a hasher….at least once you tattoo your bicep with it!!!  He continued to do his down downs from the HUYA….like that thing, huh?  Better from the HUYA tho, then from your brand new Valentine running shoes, right LITTLE FIN????…and no lying excuses either.  At least they weren’t so dirty you had to do a tea bag version.
We begged a flash from our HASH HARLOT and ended the circle with a rousing Swing Low, Super Man Swing Low, and Real Man Swing Low….all of which had the VIRGINS in stitches (learn the words by your next hash!!! Check the website).  Then we were ON OUT to the ON AFTER back at Lou’s Blues.
Lots of Naked hashers in the parking lot and most of us looked a damn site better by the time we hit the bar.  This was a respectable and crowded establishment, unlike our normal ON AFTER dives….and at $2 a beer it should have been.  What has become of the $4 pitcher?   So the boys went to the boys rooms and the girls went to the girls rooms…no sharing.  How boring.  One of the girl virgins was making a travel log for the JUST CLEVELANDS with a disposable camera and a notepad.  Guess she figured she better write down what the picture was all about, cuz she sure as hell wasn’t going to remember.  One of the JUST CLEVELANDS was going to stray with a bar fly, but a kiss from FIRE and HAPPY MEAL (did I say from, I meant between) brought him flying back around the bar and into the hash fold.  I saw no lap dances and no flashing.   All in all a good ON AFTER, but I prefer the dives myself.
SHOP TEACHER, were you uncharacteristically quiet this hash?  I have not a single SHOP TEACHER quote….did Carrabba’s wear you out?  What happened? 
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#113 - 4th Anal St Pattys Day Parade & Pub Crawl

Mar 13th 2004
AAAggghhh…..Erin Go Braless, Top O’the Morrrning ta ya, don yer kilts laddies, it’s time fer Shamerock, 2004.
Hares: McSuck-u-later and Blarney Bitch
Hounds: Wood McLiquor, Shop McTeacher, Uncle Parrvy, Fire, the wee lass Cockpit, Laddie Crotchduster, Can't Get Laid (that’s the same in Irish), Happy Meal lass, Wee Fin, Just Swallows a wee bit, Cock McTender, Ass O’Packet, the Fair Circle Blow, the Fine Just Tin, Wee Short Straw, O’Ho Deep O’Ho, Dick O’Sniffah, KittyMclingus, Dr. Guiness McAnus, Just McPuke, Bonny Stumbelina, Wet McDream
Virgins: Just Mitch, Just Wayne (Soft Serve), Just Angela, Just Denise, Just Marjorie, Just JJ
Visitors: Waayyy Beyond Gay, Richard Pierce, Gilligan, Momma, No Blow, Peace Whore, Snake My Hole, Hose Drip, Mary Pussy Poppins
Also we picked up the two "trashy" women and the younger guy at the last bar. I have no idea at all what their names were.
Start:  Eatz, Downtown Melbourne, 1200 SHT
Ahhh, what to say about Shamerock……it was a day to remember….or for most of us, a day to forget!!!!  It has taken me almost a week just to group enough undamaged brain cells together to make an attempt at this!
The hounds gathered at EATZ at 1200 to decorate the truck and start the drinking.  The Green was everywhere!  The keg was tapped and the green beer was flowing (ok, tell the truth, for how many days afterwards was your poop green????)  The new banner went on the front of the truck, the old banner up top, and green balloons were everywhere.  Outrageous was the theme o’the day.  Notable was GILLIGAN’s weird green eyeball pajama’s, NO BLOW’s green robe and lacy lingerie and RICHARD PIERCED’s spandex mini.  MOMMA was looking hot is a little Irish school-girl kilt.  Lots of freeballing Irish lads in kilts!  Antenna’s, hats, green hair, jammies, boxers, tattoos, and even bagpipes……hell, we looked like we were ready for a parade! HAPPY MEAL AND WEE FIN were drinking out of ½ meter beer mugs, so the potty breaks started early.  And guess what I found at the thrift shop!!!!  A lovely green off the shoulder dress with some diamond bling bling in the bodice….a perfect fit for JUST TIN!  Only problem is one of the Red Hat ladies wanted to take it right off of him.  They compromised that she could have it after the parade, so she helped him get dressed, added some accessories and turned him loose to shuffle along and struggle for air…have more sympathy for us ladies now TIN?
In an unusual twist, we circled up before the hash for a NAMING!  JUST WAYNE, bass player for our favorite AK-40 band and parade truck driver extraordinaire, shall henceforth be known as SOFT SERV.   Then we gathered for a group grope.  HAPPY SNACKS stopped by to visit and snapped a couple of pics for us then we lined up to join the parade. In the back of the truck were ASS PACKET, SUCKULATOR, BIKE BITCH, JUST PUKE AND DR. ANUS….is anyone getting the picture here?  The back bumper of that poor truck was dragging the ground!  If it had front wheel drive we wouldn’t have gotten anywhere!  Who is going to pay for new shocks for SOFT SERV?  And where the hell were those wankers who “called shotgun”….Miss WIGGLES?  Mr. WITHOUT SOCKS? 
And the parade was on…..beer drinking, bead throwing, candy tossing hashers.  Behind the Red Hat ladies and in front of the democrats (no political comment intended).  While BIKE BITCH took care of his official duties with the Deputy Parade Chairman (right….official duties), the float took off without him. JUST PUKE suggested doing a Down Down in front of the Reviewing Stand. Unfortunately the poor boy doesn't know the difference between a Reviewing Stand full of V.I.P.'s and a lone Disc Jockey. When shown the error he suggested a second try. This time he went right past the entire stand. Perhaps LASIK is in order.  NO BLOW and his megaphone led the singing.
At the end of the very short parade the group gathered for chalk talk.  JUST TIN was sitting on the curb, exhausted and unable to breath from his very sexy but slightly too tight dress.  The red hat lady was trying to pull it off of him then and there, apparently not understanding that he was naked underneath and had no other clothes with him.  UNCLE PERVY drank LITTLE FIN’s cum???  (and here I was concerned about JUST MARJORIE)  There were some very interesting new hash symbols explained (and demonstrated by HO DEEP HO) during chalk talk, a blessing of the hares, and the group was ON OUT. 
The hares tricked us into thinking we were heading (head, who said head) to (insert name of bar), but led us instead to our old favorite ON TAP.  A few ranging hashers hit (insert name of bar) anyway, but they were just desperate for a potty break.  ON TAP…hmmm.  I admit that already my memory is hazy….no more ½ litter beers for me!  I remember…..singing?  S and M man?  Jesus song?  And EDGAR ALLEN HO?  Surely not.  And too many people in one stall in the bathroom???  No way.  Must have been the green beer.
And then we were ON OUT to….someplace else.  I don’t know the name of the place.  I just remember it was too nice a place for hashers.  There was a patio and palm trees.  We called CUMSICLE and passed the phone around.  We sang some more songs.  Mr. Beau Jeans (?) gave us all the beer we could drink for the price we originally paid for a limited number. 
And ON OUT again.  To Roberts Park?  Or something?  Or maybe Roberts Park was the name of the last bar…? I might as well have let CUMSICLE write this trash, cuz she probably remembers more than me and she wasn’t even there!!!!  There was a river and a big tree.  Let’s see….NO BLOW up the tree?  A circle…were we supposed to have a circle on this hash?  Ummm….well, hmmm.  The keg ran dry.  Some hookers?  And yes, STUMBELINA, you’re right, they didn’t pay….they should know better, huh.  And the hash got a piece, or at least some of them did.  And we were ON OUT to the street party.
More memory flashes:  LITTLE FIN dancing in the street with a bunch of older ladies.  SUCKULATOR purchasing shots of Jameson’s (no I didn’t have any) and buttery nipples?  I know I had one, don’t know where it came from.  LITTLE FIN eating leftover potatoes from stranger’s plates.  CIRCLE BLOW and I eating corned beef and cabbage from a vendor outside.  RICHARD PIERCE offering to buy a round of beers at Meg O'Malley's then not having enough money so Cockpit had to pitch in! The damn beer wenches by the front door didn't take credit cards.  He made up for it later by buying a round of blow jobs on his credit card.
I got this story from JUST TIN: SHOP TEACHER and I were heading back to the car to change clothes. We got stopped by a group women who thought I was part of the entertainment. They requested a preview of my "act".  The next thing she knew I swiveled her seat outward and started giving her a lap dance. However the limitations of my dress prevented me from wrapping my legs around her waist and she had to be satisfied with me grinding my water balloons against her face. SHOP TEACHER needs lessons on being a wingman. Instead of collecting money and phone numbers, he wanted me to sing and dance something from Ricky Martin. In this dress?!.  After that while walking towards the car he was pointing out little young boys to me who were telling me that I looked good. He out pervied UNCLE PERVY.  This morning, I recognized I blew the entire situation and failed to take advantage of those ladies. I could have been the meat between a two women sandwich. Instead I was concerned about getting out your dress and into a pair of pants.   ……..now, can that be right?  Did he just say he wanted to get out of MY dress and INTO someone’s pants??????
Ok, well, that’s just weird.  Sounds like most of the hounds made their way to the LGC and the orgasmatron…got this input from an unnamed hasher:  I will say Bike Bitch has a weird sense of humor. There is a setting on the Jacuzzi that gives men hot flashes, very unpleasant.  I’m sure there was much nakedness and bad behavior, but BIKE BITCH reports that in an LGC first, there were NO underwear left behind. 
Now let’s talk HUYA….you know, on any other night the HUYA would have to go to the guy who committed vehicular homicide against two mailboxes….not one, but two.  But, nope, not this time because there was something even worse that happened.  I’m not going to give the whole story away here, cuz I’m sure it will be a much funnier story in the HUYA passing from the next hash.  Some stories just have to be told in person to get the full effect……so this is your cliffhanger.  Cum on out to the next hash and find out why ASS PACKET is a sure fire winner of the HUYA!!!! 
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#114 – 1st Anal Bathrobe Hash

Mar, 27th 2004
Hares: Wood Liquor and Kittylingus
Hounds: Shop Teacher, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Bike Bitch, Semen Dispenser, Just Jolee, In My Mouth, Million Buck Phuck, Peeps @ Pricks, Cumsicle, Happy Meal, Little Fin, Swallows, CockTender, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Shop Teacher, Just Tin, Short Straw, Ho Deep Ho, and Dr. Anus.
Virgins: Just Kris, Just Robin, Just Amy
Visitors: Whiney Van Slut, Little Dribble
This is my foreplay hash trash, as too long between has dulled my senses and I am noticeably more reserved. The inappropriate behavior of our local hashers seems to have taken a serious sexual turn since I left and I recommend we buy lots and lots o’ rubbers.
And here I thought I'd be the only person in a bathrobe besides the Hares. What a lovely collection from the finest thrift stores in all of Brevard county as well as our closets and lingerie drawers. We had mint green satin with ruffles, pink polka dots, IGIA waffle weave, white cotton, hot terry cloth, satin paisley's, and jungle and floral print robes. We could have had our own Vicky's Secret runway show. But instead, we chose to don the hot outerwear and get sweaty running an extremely long trail with three beer stops around south Brevard.
While we paid the hash cash and dumped carbs down our throats for what we knew would be a long torturous trail (for energy - really), we admired our recently purchased HASH banner and the BIKE BITCH'S trophy he earned for entering his 2003 Harley Davidson Turbo-Walker into a motorcycle show. Word has it, he collected the most money in donations (AKA votes by the attendees), who thought he had the hottest piece of machinery there. No, he did not have his hash thong and kilt on display - It really is a walker with a headlight, handle bars, brakes, a throttle and some other accessories.
Our chalk talk (which was blue today by the way - as it is more environmentally friendly) - I mean mentally friendly, because the general population doesn't care about blue hazardous waste, they only freak on the white powdery stuff - but back to our chalk talk. Our clever hares had a few new symbols for us today. TO for tits out, DO for dicks out (neither of which we found on trail - very clever) and a camera with a flash for a photo op (we actually found one of these). We had a pint of logger prayer by the ASS PACKET while he christened the lone hare, KITTYLINGUS, as WOOD LIQUOR said he would be watching his son play with his balls for a while and wood arrive late. KITTY was also dusted with the blue hazardous waste. We took our usual group grope shot and who knows where this may end up. We had signed some excellent photos by HAPPY MEAL for some hash friendly watering holes (Lou’s Blues and Long Doggers), so some of your faces (or your poopers, or your middle fingers (COCKPIT)- whichever you had out in the picture) will now grace the walls of these fine establishments.
SHOP TEACHER and CIRCLE BLOW were cracking me up, because after they donned their robes, they immediately began flying around the parking lot next to Andretti’s thrill park, imagining they were super heros and swinging their long “capes” in the wind. SHOP TEACHER first said he was CAPTAIN TEAL (as he was wearing the satiny, mint-green robe with ruffles) and later morphed into KING CLIT. CIRCLE was appropriately named SUPER PAISLEY. Isn’t there a cartoon about that on Saturday morning? I mean early early in the morning, like the porn cartoons that are not allowed during kiddie’s viewing hours.
As soon as we could calm them down, we were off to the west behind the old KMart. Trail was so well marked, (NOTTTTT), we were often stopped or walking around in circles looking for the next mark. Which ways never fucked us. False trails never fucked us, they just took us out to a mark and stopped. Sometimes you just have a dry spell and it can’t be helped - we were hoping for some sex on trail, but NOOOOOOO. Sometimes your partners just don’t know what the hell they are doing and they leave you frustrated and searching for extra batteries. HASHING is just like that. Anyway, this initial piece of trail was entirely a false start. MR KITTY was simply stalling so WOOD LIQUOR would stop watching his son play with his balls and show up in time for the second beer stop. We ended up going in a complete circle back to the beginning, where we drank more beer and took off again. This time past KITTY’S work place where he jacks off dogs and cuts off kitty balls. We followed pavement and sidewalks for a good while and we were wondering where our beloved shiggy was. Finally, a nice little grassy trail with a few little critters and what do you know, before we got too sweaty, our second beer stop.
While taking our short rest, we learned the difference between G-strings and T-back or thong under wear from our virgins JUST AMY and JUST ROBIN, who were happy to display their backsides so we could be edumacated. BIKE BITCH had blood on trail, not a whole lot - it was a panty liner day. Our visitors also provided some anatomy refresher training as LITTLE DRIBBLE used a car antenna he found on trail to point out various body parts of WHINEY VAN SLUT. The HARES were off by themselves humping - I could only hear “I only give, I never receive!!!!!” JUST TIN asked about the left moose knuckle. Apparently Grasshopper is a bit innocent as he did not know that that was half of a camel toe. We reminisced about the flame retardant qualities of the cheesy pouf and determined that if you are ever caught in a fire, you should grab some cheese whiz and pour it on yourself as it will not burn either. Just don’t microwave it first. I can’t remember who said they had cheesy pouf residue on their dick. I’m thinking SEMEN DISPENSER - yeah, I haven’t said his name yet and it fits with his name - it must have been him. KITTYLINGUS also showed us that he wasn’t sure what had happened, but he thought he might have fucked a Smurf up the ass to his elbow as his whole forearm and hand was blue. WOOD LIQUOR offered his nipples for a taste test with two of the virgins and also showed the HUYA for the first time on trail.
We were running out of daylight hours for the remaining 10 miles of trail, so we set off through a housing area, through some shiggy, where we found a gigantic flag (actually a painted blue bed sheet) with pictures of CUMSICLE cut out in star shapes, and painted stripes hanging from a tree. It said “WELCOME HOME CUMSICLE” in big painted letters - which were very neat letters I might add. How cool is that? What a nice welcome home touch! Thank you sweetie pies. We had a flag folding and were off to a park where the trail mysteriously ended. A few of us chose a different which way (IMM, MBF SHORT STRAW and myself) and we ended up at a HUMP site and a countback 10, where we found the dazed and confused hashers still wandering around the trail markers with no end. We finally picked up good trail and hit some more grass, stopped at our photo op by the pond with a dock and a pavillion and went back through a residential district where we found a person who resembled KOJAK with a walking stick. We told him he was going the wrong way and he said “I’m not part of your organization” - almost with distaste. I guess he sleeps in the nude and our robes offended him. We ran along a water ditch and headed back for a housing area when we passed a dead, headless snake that looked to be about 5 feet long and was about as thick as a vacuum cleaner hose. The story goes that the hares came across this while laying trail. WOOD LIQUOR killed it while KITTY stood back and said, “hit it, kill it, cut it’s head off!!!!!” (Cuz he’s a man, man, man, man.) You’d think in KITTY’s profession, a little snake wouldn’t bother him, but I don’t blame him. Unless I had a shovel, I wouldn’t have touched it either. AND, we never see stories like this in the newspaper, do we? “ HASHER Saves Community from Venomous Python- Awarded Bravery Medal- Children of Brevard are Safe!!!!” Not only did we have a dead snake on trail, we passed two bone carcasses, one was a cat and we couldn’t identify the second one.
Finally, we find the 3rd beer stop at the home of MR and MRS KITTY. They graciously fed us little tiny dicks (I think you call them pigs in a blanket), with dipping sauces, popcorn, brownies, and Easter eggs. We were on our best behavior so as not to mess up his house or offend the MRS. We mysteriously lost 3 hashers somewhere and they never showed up at the third beer stop. We attempted to auto hash by climbing in the back of the truck parked in front of the house because we had now done 13 miles of trail and were dragging ass, but we were kicked out of the back of the vehicles (some of us anyway), to take ourselves another 1/2 mile to the circle, which was right next to a canal. Apparently BIKE BITCH, SHOP TEACHER and a 3rd hasher, (who’s name escapes me) had been waiting for us at the circle for a good long time. GATOR BAIT got to cum to the circle and he went straight for the water as soon as he was let out of the truck and then entertained himself with a flattened plastic bottle for the remainder of the circle. We were milling around waiting for the circle to begin and had some entertainment of our own. It’s called the BOOBY COOZIE, or the REDNECK COOZIE. Two of our well-endowed virgins stripped off their shirts and showed us how a beer can fits perfectly right between their knockers. And I do mean knockers!!!!!! I believe they were also trying to open a couple by squeezing themselves together, but we didn’t have any spillage, so maybe they need to practice up a bit for next time.
Comments from the circle:
LITTLE FIN - “...no comment, he peed himself and didn’t even know it - we had to point out his strategically located wet spot...” (He really didn’t pee himself - it just looked suspiciously like pee)
HO DEEP HO - “ ...at least we didn’t climb any logs today...”
HAPPY MEAL - “ the flag was a nice touch...”
SHOP TEACHER - .”...the trail was just a 1/4 too short...”
IMM - “...I missed the snake’s head...” No you didn’t honey, the head was chopped off (although the hares say the head was in the center of the coil with a check mark on it - we all missed it)
JUST TIN “...no tits out, no dicks out, it sucked!!!...”
CROTCHDUSTER “...declined comment due to his presence required in the ice chair for head gear. He
claimed it was camouflage and you couldn’t see it and asked CUMSICLE for his money back because
the camouflage didn’t work...”
CUMSICLE -”... It was too long and I couldn’t take it...” (Did I say that??)
And finally, hashers made the rounds on the ice: 
Hares on ice first as always
FRB - None other than KING CLIT - AKA SHOP TEACHER. (hey - where’s our FRB trophy that‘s glued together with gism?) DFL - LITTLE DRIBBLE
VIRGINS - JUST AMY, JUST ROBIN (JUST SWALLOWS made them cum), JUST CHRIS (HAPPY MEAL made her cum all the way from Iowa and JUST KRIS was quoted as saying “...and she did a wonderful job...”). We found out that JUST ROBIN is tiled and she hates the word crusty - mental note for possible future name. Crusty Tile, Crusty Tiled Lips, Crusty Coozie, Crusty Bald Cooter, Crusty T-Back - help me out here. The virgins were disappointed that there was no sex on trail and to that SHOP TEACHER responded....”did I hear you say once you go nub, you never go back?...” “...a nub for the hand is worth two in the bush...”
VISITORS - WHINEY and DRIBBLE
TOO LONG BETWEEN - CUMSICLE and PEEPS AT PRICKS
WANKER NAME USE - THE LITTLE COUSIN’S - DRIBBLE AND FIN. The virgins were lingering and decided that it would be fun to collect some ice and cold water in their vessels and pour them down the front of FIN’S crotch for a little iced nuts, after which I heard from the crowd “...I think he found NEMO...”
HUYA PASSING - WOOD LIQUOR - he added a bottle opener that talks and then we remembered, when one hare drinks, all hares drink.  HARES AGAIN. As for who the HUYA went to - we had a couple of stories and candidates. A certain unnamed hasher went postal on some post office boxes to the tune of $4000 to his car at 54 mph. (LITTLE FIN).
Another unnamed hasher was caught sucking NO BLOW’s toes in the orgasmatron after witnessing CIRCLE sucking MOMMA’s toes and she went wild over it. He was very turned on and wanted in on the action and went to town on a set of toes he thought belonged to MOMMA, but no, it was NO BLOW’s toes. He was awarded a pack of Mentos (MAN TOES) for his sexual feat - I mean feet. (ASS PACKET). And the winner is.......MAN TOES all the way!!!!! Not only was he the HUYA prize winner, it’s his birthday the day after the hash and he declined a spanking for fear of retaliation for all his hard spankings in the past. After all, it stings alot more on a frozen ass.
Next hash we get to name JUST TIN and I don’t want to see any of the lame references to his ethnicity like BRUISED LEE, MISS SAIGON, or RIN TIN TIN.
Until next time, may the hash get a piece!
Your long lost ON-SEC
Sicle
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#115 – Easter Hash

April 10th 2004
Hares: Kittylingus and Big Canal
Hounds:  Ho Deep Ho, Shop Teacher, Cumsicle, Dr Anus, Just Tin, Happy Meal, Little Fin, Bike Bitch, Circle Blow, Ass Packet, Peeps at Pricks, Just Swallows, Just Robin, Pocket Rocket, Cockpit, Crotchduster, CockTender, Short Straw, Just Denise
VIRGINS:  Just Becky, and Just Christine.
You might have called this the Easter hash, as many hounds and virgins and the BIKE BITCH showed up with bunny ears or bunny visors on their heads.  (Who said head?)  The hares said there was no theme, but I am calling this the Time Machine Hash.  Number one, because this was our first 4:00 p.m. hash after the daylight savings time change and second because it was refreshingly like the hashes I remember when I started hashing. 
This was an excellent trail, with an awesome and well-controlled set of hounds.  It was better than sex!!! Wait, scratch that.  It was really good, now let me tell you why.
KITTYLINGUS couldn't get a fill-in hare, so a very charitable BIG CANAL offered to help.  We started at the Southwest Recreational Complex (aka: Florida Avenue Fields) and as usual took our group grope shot.  ASS PACKET was wearing the dirtiest dick I've ever seen (it was the one from the HUYA).  So check closely on the group grope pictures that HAPPY MEAL sent.  We dove into the shiggy right away, but were told we'd stay dry if we really wanted to stay dry. 
Today, we would name JUST TIN and boy was he nervous.  And how cum no one ever told this boy not to wear all white to a hash?   Some folks experimented with some names at the start while we warmed up.  We had teased that we would simply name him JUSTIN, as it completely lacks creativity and would really piss him off, especially since he went to the trouble of thinking up some names for himself.    SHOP TEACHER wanted to name him JUSTIN PASTERFLANGE.  I heard JUSTIN SIDER and BACKDOORBOY.  HAPPY MEAL and I had promised we had the perfect name, but would not reveal it til the circle. 
But back to the trail, I was breaking in YANKSIT'S new hash hat that I brought back from the desert and decided I would act like him while wearing it.  Aside from being the FRB (which will never happen unless everyone else gets lost), I ran past folks slapping them on the ass and jumping in the air pretending to fart (as everyone knows girls don't fart).  COCKTENDER retrieved a couple of tennis balls for some players, only after trying to stuff them up his shorts and fondle them.  We traveled through Dog Shit Alley (DSA) to a small ravine with a concrete drain pipe and slab.  So now, we can say it was a shitty trail and really mean it. 
We enjoyed a couple more beers while we sat on the slab.  We didn't think we'd be traveling the ravine, as KITTY said we wouldn't get wet, but off we went, across the narrow stream and up the other side of the bank.  Eventually we ended up on the FIT campus, and crossed over a big footbridge (and past real potties - imagine that - we could have peed in a real bathroom instead of in the woods, although I didn't see anyone take advantage).  Past DSA, we came across some teenage boys out playing a game of paintball and BIKE BITCH narrowly missed being shot while he was crawling through some shiggy.  And then we saw the 15-foot wide stream with the plop on the other bank.  KITTY is a big liar, pants on fire.  He said we wouldn't get wet.  He was there taunting us from the other side and said it was not cooter deep unless you were really short.  It was cold, but at least it was not green and slimy.  Most of us sunk our feet in the mud and got a little wet, but some rump rangers somehow found a way around without getting wet. 
We were in what resembled a rain forest and our footpath led us right up to a small tiki hut.  It had some grafitti on it as well as about a hundred multi-colored, very strong, rum jello shots.  DR ANUS demonstrated the tongue rim slide to the folks not used to slopping down a jello shot.   We were given only a short time to finish as many of those as possible and went deeper into the woods and through some more mud. We even passed a tree-house, which many hashers didn't even notice.  There were actually people up there watching us.  I'm sure that was the highlight of their day. Wonder how many people they caught peeing.  They were vewy vewy kwiet up there.  I'm told COCKPIT did a face plant somewhere in the mess of bushes with her legs spread.
ON-ON we were to the next beer stop, which wasn't too far away.  Once we got out of the rain forest, several hashers discovered they were covered in mud.  ASS PACKET had one black leg and one white leg. and there was a revelation:  "Angry Jesus cannot walk on mud"   He shared his black leg with several other hashers, and somehow PEEPS AT PRICKS managed to be covered in mud from her thighs down.  SHORT STRAW said he ditched his shorts to do the water crossing to keep them dry.  I would assume then, that he either was wearing no undies or he took them off too.  Where are the cameras when you need them?  Just like the local politician caught with his pants down, SHORT STRAW would have some serious explaining to do. 
Our beer stop was behind Chumley's on the deck at the laundromat (whose establishment does not have a liquor license - imagine that - no drinking while washing clothes).   My notes get much harder to decipher starting here and even my memory doesn't help me with how we got to our circle or where the hell we were.  I guess somewhere close to our cars.   We were next to a small body of  water as the sun was setting, eating our typical cheesy poufs, when PEEPS AT PRICKS starting running around with a package of those yellow, sugar-covered marshmallow peeps you see around Easter Time, yelling "You want a piece of me?????"  It was just disturbing, but several people took her up on it and I stuck a couple in COCKTENDER'S mouth and got a piece of his tail.  That's always fun.   We finally got her to calm down so we could start our circle and here's the tale of the ice chairs of death:
Hares - KITTY and BC
Assisting the hares on ice (CROTCHDUSTER and CUMSICLE)
CROTCHDUSTER and CUMSICLE for head gear violations while assisting the hares on ice.
FRB - Who gives a shit (which means I can't remember)
DFL (wasn't me)
JUST DENISE and the BIKE BITCH that made her cum
DR ANUS and CIRCLE BLOW  - for lost property
POCKET ROCKET and BIG CANAL - for too long between
JUST TIN for his naming - more on that later
JUST TIN - for getting the HUYA from ASS PACKET (what did he do besides try to name himself?)
I had an epiphany just now and it has nothing to do with my notes, but I thought I should start a column in my trash for virgins so as to help mold our hash into the well-oiled, I mean lubed machine we know and love and refer to as our mother hash.  I will call it:
Back to naming JUST TIN.  There were so many things thrown out while providing as much information as we had on him and grilling him with our typical questions.

• He's from Dallas, Texas and has a drawl when he's drunk.
• He's Vietnamese
• He wore a green satin formal to  St Patty's Day - which means he dresses like a woman
• Only Steers and Queers cum from Texas.
• He's color blind.
• He didn't know any barnyard animals.
• He can't see pink.
• He can't interpret Vietnamese, even though he is Vietnamese and didn't know what Didi Mau means - doesn't he watch Nam War flicks?  Everyone knows that - It means cum quick - cum now, hurry up.
• He's an atheist.
• He's some kind of a thermal engineer. 

Hung Low was thrown out. Miss Saigon was thrown out. Me Luv u long time was out of the question (as he chose this himself)
After all the suggestions, HAPPY MEAL announced none of them were right and SICLE had the name for this hasher.  The first three above items were combined for the name......drum roll please..... and JUST TIN will be forever known as........
POON TWANG!!!
Welcome to the hash POON TWANG!  You make a welcum addition to our pack.
As for the next hash on the 24th, make sure you don't miss it. HAPPY MEAL and CUMSICLE are haring and the theme is WAR PAINT.   If you don't understand the relationship of the theme to SICLE's recent promotion and can't figure out what to wear that goes with the theme, we'll give you a hand (job) when you get there. 
Until next time, may the hash get a piece.
ON-SEC
SICLE
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#116 – Warpaint Pow Wow

April, 24th 2004
Hares: Cumsicle and Happy Meal
Hounds and Harriettes:  Cockpit, Bike Bitch, Little Fin, Just Swallows, Just Puke, Cock Tender, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Shop Teacher, Dr. Anus, Kittylingus, Suck-u-later, Poon Twang, Fire, Wood Liquor, Just Denise (hash #3), Just Robin (hash #3).
Virgins: Just Margie
Visitors: Momma, No Blow, Wet Dream, Waay Beyond Gay
What a gorgeous day for a Pow Wow! Happy Meal and I had been cooking up the details of our theme for only a week or so, even though we planned for this to be my promotion (to Chief) hash since before I left the desert. Let's see if I can get this in order chronologically since all the tales from the trash had to cum from hearsay. We met at the Buzzard's Hideaway Lounge on Sarno and put war paint on each other as well as our head dresses and feathers. We also listened to the over achievers tell us about their 5K r*n that morning at the Art Festival. It seems JUST PUKE had the first beer at 0730 - this will be a key piece of information that we chose to ignore at the time. Much to our delight, many brave warriors showed up in loin cloths. FIN, KITTYLINGUS, SUCKY, and WOOD LIQUOR, - and NO SHIRTS and only a thong underneath. Woo Woo Woo Woo!!! KITTY was free balling like we told him not to. BAD KITTY. CIRCLE spent a long time in the parking lot glueing feathers to a burger king crown. We were very pleased with all of the costume efforts. We greeted the hashers with our right arms up and a simple “HOW” and a hug. But on with the chronology.
#1 - We (the hares) forgot to tell the pack of Injuns which way to go when leaving the parking lot. We just got in our trucks and said give us 10 minutes. Luckily, technology on trail prevailed and we got them off in the right direction - or at least the right general direction. It took them a while to track our initial marks. #2 - We almost forgot about the group grope - and in fact, we were not in that picture. #3 - BIKEM BITCHUM announced a brand new HUYA for departing members. It had a clear plastic ribbed handle and a bright green plunger. Harriettes took to it right away, wanting to slide up and down the handle. We’ll have to hear more about that later. We did our chalk talk and as usual had to put a new spin on the marks. There would be a Cowboy or Indian which way and a regular which way. We had a point of interest stop which no one mentioned - it was a historic monument for a plane crash on Eau Gallie. I didn't get to hear anymore about the new HUYA as we hares had to get on trail.
We took both of our trucks to our first stop - the FIRE WATER stop (which was simply shots of HOT DAM!) That in itself was also confusing as some apartment barbecuers had moved in on our FIRE WATER STOP and we had to move it to right after our YBF. So everyone got fucked on our trail even after we explained this would be a hunt and as long as no one got lost, no one would get fucked either. We waited there at the new location with a black and white pussy - it' s always good to have some POT (Pussy On Trail). Especially the fuzzy ones. As soon as we spotted our first Injun, we started our war holler, and when that didn't work, we blew our whistles. We were making so much noise, the BBQers had to step out to see what was going on. I'm sure we made their day with the pack of war painted, half-naked injun parade. I think we lost FIRE and POON TWANG here due to other engagements.
I took off while RUNNING HAPPY MEAL administered the remainder of the shots and got the INJUNS back on trail. For I had to meet the warriors and their squaws on the other side of the water crossing, under the railroad tracks with their first oasis - the beer stop. Remind me never to drag a broken cooler that's on wheels down the railroad tracks, down a steep grade of loose granite to the river's edge. That was a bitch - even if HAPPY MEAL showed up a few minutes later to help. As if that weren't bad enough, while we are lugging this heavy, broken piece-o-shit to the beer stop, our hashers were already at the other side of the tracks, they see us and think trail is across the tracks. Again, we had to start hollering to go back, "you are not on trail" GO BACK, GO DOWN!!!!! (GO DOWN???) No one ever follows directions dammit!! All but one follows Chief's orders and finds the two bright red canoes below that we had dropped there earlier in the day, complete with life vests, oars and a note on how to advance on trail. This was also where any cowboys could wimp out and go up and around Eau Gallie instead of crossing the water. Luckily we had no cowboys, as we did not want all of our canoe-hoisting efforts to go to waste. We hare-squaws loaded these big long fiberglass canoes on our trucks by ourselves and FIN helped us get them down to the riverbank. Thank God for a big strong man that will do anything for his squaw!! COCK TENDER was also a willing brave, but we were late and he got to catch a nap on the couch instead of bulging the veins in his neck. Thank you anyway baby, we knew we could count on you to help us.
This RIVER CROSSUM was going to require a tribe effort as you can only load 4 Braves/squaws at a time in each canoe. DR ANUS came hopping across the track with his bum leg, then found out what he missed and caught a return ride in the canoe so he could oar some more folks back across. We were counting on him to convince any cowboys to stay on the INJUN trail. I think it took about 4 trips and you can see by the pictures on ofoto that these braves were not serious about the hunt. KITTY AND FIN were horse playing in the water, splashing each other with the oars, scaring the squaws that they might be in TIPPY CANOES. There were Injuns waiting on the other side. COCKPIT was simply grateful that we didn’t make her swim. WAAY BEYOND kept rocking the boat - what guy wouldn’t with a squaw or two on his lap?
Monkey Boy (none other than NO BLOW) and MOMMA commented how the underside of the tracks would be a great location for a geo-cache and NO BLOW crawled up the trestle and left an ON -ON sticker. Before the tribe even had a chance to enjoy their beer stop, they volunteered to haul the canoes up the loose gravel, down the tracks about 40 yards and through a water ditch to our waiting trucks. That pissed me off too, cuz I wanted to haul an empty cooler back up - not a full one. We made the pack wait while KITTYBULL, BROKEN ARROW ANUS, SHOP TEACHER BITCHICUSS, FIN HORSE and SUCK-U-RED WOLF loaded and tied the canoes down. (for some reason FIN HORSE said BITCHICUSS couldn't change hands and he was having a PMS moment - and I quote "The canoes were really cute til I had to carry the bitches!!!", Thank you sweeties for getting them up for us once again!
Now for the longest part of the trail for the tribe. LONE RANGER JUST PUKE was no where to be found. We initiated a techno smoke signal and found him. He said he was on the north side of the tracks and we had just heard a train whistle. Perhaps he had just one too many FIRE WATERs today. He didn’t seem concerned that he was the only COWBOY on trail with a bunch of INJUNS. He didn’t even have his horse, SILVER.
We sent the tribe on an asphalt goose chase to give us time to mark the last portion of trail and set up our circle. From there, they entered the shiggy homeless zone and passed a sink hole (or shit hole - we didn’t know which) that was about 5 feet in diameter. Perhaps it was the beginning of our bear trap hole and we didn’t have time to cover it with foliage. Yeah that’s it! Or perhaps we just found it when we veared far off our original trail so as to avoid the homeless cowboys who gave us the heeby geebys. We marked a turtle’s butt with purple spray chalk, but of course, he didn’t stick around to help a sista out. BIKE BITCHEM came out with a hatchet wound that looked like the perfect movie blood wound covered in sand. FIN HORSE would later ask for a needle and thread so he could RAMBO the wound shut, but all we had was leather laces and nothing sharp.
We sent them through more wilderness behind a church and across a shallow water fall to a small grass clearing next to the inlet at the bottom of the falls. We had our privacy as this was the location of our circleexcept for a couple of redneck fishermen by the falls. HAPPY MEAL went out to talk with them after she twisted her ankle and committed alcohol abuse with the remainder of the HOT DAM bottle. She broke it on the sidewalk hauling stuff in for the circle. SHOP TEACHER took off running to save her when he heard her calling his name through the trees. The fisherman was exclaiming that he thought our running group might be fun and HAPPY MEAL thought “ I just don’t think he will fit in“- and she later had an epiphany why that gut feeling came to be while on the toilet in the men’s room back at BUZZARDs. DR ANUS went for a swim and the redneck fisherman pointed him out to HAPPY MEAL, and she wanted to know how he could tell he was one of our group? “Because he has a beer”
Comments from the circle:
In general - lots of cool stuff, loved the canoes but not enough canoes! not enough sex, too much asphalt, but it sucked - as usual.
And finally, hashers made the rounds on the ice:
Hares on ice first as always - CUMSICLE and HAPPY MEAL
FRB - Who was this? I know SUCKY had the trophy, but who came first?
DFL - JUST PUKE (obviously he was the last one in)
EXTREME DFL - JUST PUKE - but not so obvious that he was 35 minutes late for circle.
VIRGINS - JUST Margie and I think the BIKE BITCHEM or JUST DENISE made her cum. Now, did anyone even guess that JUST MARGARINE (TASTES LIKE BUTTA) doesn’t drink, but did a full can of beer down down? She said she didn’t mind, but we had water.
HEAD GEAR - KITTY, ASS PACKET, NO BLOW
I have a note that SHOP TEACHER sang to the above hashers but I don’t recall the song.
HOMER - WOOD LIQUOR’S TRAVEL BUG - someone must really explain why WOOD LIQUOR plays with dolls to me. The little guy had his own loin cloth even. Too funny.
OK, I’m making shit up now because I was sidetracked by the bar owner’s call to prepare a kill for the tribe.
VISITORS - MOMMA, NO BLOW, WET DREAM AND WAAY BEYOND GAY
HUYA PASSING - what HUYA??- no HUYA owner, but the HUYA seems to have done trail by itself. How can this be? There will be cheeks to pay.
The on-after was equally entertaining as the kill was placed on an island surrounded by barstools, the wolves dug in head first for a feeding frenzy - literally - they attacked the bar, the wings, the sandwich tray and chips with salsa and pitchers of beer til we ate the bar owner out of almost everything on the menu.
HAPPY MEAL’S epiphany while on the men’s room throne was that, hashers are not red-neck, no-mind, alcoholics, but professional, high-tech job-having, hard-working, white collar alcoholics - and THAT is why red neck fisherman would not fit in.
We listened to stories by SUCK-U-RED WOLF about the moon balls (shaven) and his OH face, stories from SHOP TEACHER BITCHICUSS about teaching his daughter to wipe front to back and why he'll always stay til the very end of a hash to ensure he never misses girl on girl acton again. Then we settled in to find out more about JUST DENISE, as in two more hashes, we shall name her.
-She’s a grandma, her nickname is muffin, She’s a Gemini, has 2 kids, 3 cats and 1 dog, she r*ns every morning, drinks like a turtle, is a Mickey Mouse fan, a military brat, a secretary, her favorite barnyard animal is an owl, she’s codependent, likes Oprah, has 2 brothers and a sister, is divorced for 9 years, likes hot better than cold, and she won’t go naked in public.
We’d have quizzed JUST ROBIN like that if she’d hung around.
Quotable quotes by:
ASS PACKET - “God is busy, May I help you?”
SUCK-U-LATER - “The trail was delightfully diverse”
That’s really why the redneck fishermen wouldn’t fit in. They wouldn’t understand them big words.
Until THE MUCH ANTICIPATED, HIGH FASHION, SHORT TRAIL - MUCH ALCOHOL, FAT BOY TOGA HASH ON THE 8TH OF MAY IN FRONT OF THE DOLLAR STORE JUST LIKE LAST YEAR, IN COCOA BEACH, may the hash go in peace!
YOUR FEATHER-HEAD (WHO SAID HEAD?) ON-SEC
Sicle
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#117 - TOGA TOGA TOGA Fat Boy Hash

8 May 2004
Hares: Suck-u-later and Ass Packet
Hounds:  Bike Bitch, Just Denise (hash #4) , LittleFinandHappyMeal (they are one now - no more individual name tags - just one and guess who wears it?  The whipped one of course. ) Just Swallows, Cock Tender, Circle Blow, Shop Teacher, Dick Sniffah, Peeps at Pricks, Ho Deep Ho, Just Puke, Dr. Anus, Kittylingus, and Poon Twang.
Virgins: Just Aaron
Visitors: Momma, No Blow, NaBob, Nabob's friend, and KOJAK!!
Thank God for the collective brains of the hashers or we'd have no trash at all. There I was in my Goddess toga outfit and no pen, no paper, no recorder. Just my dysfunctional memory, my mug, my stick on bra and my panties. This is an important fact, to know that I started with all my clothes. The gold heels were traded very early for sneakers and the yellow ribbon leg wrap would not stay on, but I was tied up a few different ways with it that day in an attempt to keep it on, yet not lose circulation.
We milled around the parking lot of the Dollar Store by Anacapri's Pizza in Cocoa just like last year. And the PO PO was circling, just like last year. They were watching us closely and I think there were at least 3 squad cars as they'd disappear in one direction and show up from a different parking lot entrance.  Only one brave car dared drive through the sea of togas and it was not the PO PO.  KOJAK stopped by to give SUCKY some habanero chili peppers from his Victory Garden in hopes they would be used on BIKE BITCH at some point on trail, but alas there would be no explosive diarrhea today. We waited a full hour for late hashers (and also to torment the Dollar Store - and because we couldn't find ASS PACKET, the other hare, who was in the store buying trash bags - for an HOUR). Once again we had a fine showing of toga wear, some pinned, painted, sewn, ripped, tied and accessorized. KITTY found himself some kitty fabric for his toga. COCK TENDER ditched the GI JOE look and went for the royal blue with the glow in the dark whistle. The chalk talk yielded YBF's, checks, dick checks (I saw none on trail) boob checks (I saw none on trail), photo ops and the usual trail plops. The PO PO stopped to converse with ASS PACKET and apparently the silver tongued devil was able to convince the officer that we were not insane and we meant no harm. Our tags tell a different story though. The inscription on the back of the John Belushi toga photo read:  "HHH Warning:  This tag is proof that I was insane enough to hash in the BVD H3 FAT BOY Toga Hash on May 8, 2004. I bought a sheet, wrapped it around me, & hashed- they say I had a good time. Reminder: The BVD H3 is a non-organization that drinks beer." I hear YANKSIT provided the graphics for the tags - thanks YANKSIT!  He can't talk right now, but he's listening.  
HAPPY MEAL AND NO BLOW took some group grope shots before we were FINALLY on out.
KITTYLINGUS told me to stick this where the sun doesn’t shine, I mean insert it:
Happy Meal: “Kitty, why did you stop to talk to him (the officer)?”
Kittylingus: “Because he told me to.”
SHOP TEACHER gave himself another super hero name, but I don't recall what it was.  I can picture him in his childhood wearing Superman pajamas with a towel pinned around his neck flying about the house. 
PEEPS AT PRICKS found yet another item of clothing that reflects part of her name - a t-shirt under her toga. JUST SWALLOWS was told she had a nice ass at the cottage pub by two men who were trying to have a nice quiet beer on a Saturday afternoon. We didn't seem to bother the guy by the door reading the newspaper with his beer, but we sure got some strange looks from the older couple behind us. The key point is, we did not drive them away or cause them to call the fuzz.
Here are some of our other very closely placed stops:
1.  Start at Anacapri Pizza, Cocoa Beach - pre beer lubing for one hour.
2. Photo Op at Cocoa Beach Fountain- brief stop - looking for a beer near, we've been on trail all of 5 minutes, which is way too long for the FAT BOYS (or the not so fat boys- Have you seen these honey's lately?).  You'll note in one of the photos, that a check, a YBF and a true trail were placed within a square yard of each other, so no getting lost on this trail.   These guys do have a sense of humor.
3. Cottage Pub (Mandy the Barmaid was Alluetted and she was a very good sport). I almost forgot that someone shaved half of NaBob's beard (see ofoto). Using what? And what was the point?
4. Fun Times Sports Bar - (they were also having a benefit for Hank Meinhardt who suffered a head injury. (Mile stones - COCK TENDER 1 yr, down-down for the Virgin and the Hares). We also donned some lipstick and kissed a life size standup cardboard version of some car racer and HAPPY MEAL took our photos with it. The bar owner had hired a comedian and tried to get us to stay for it, but we were ON-ON to the next beer stop. CIRCLE BLOW did her Virgin Mary impression by wrapping her white sheet over her head (see photo). DR ANUS found an ancient pinball machine and entertained a few hounds and harriettes on it for awhile. 
5. Beach stop and Photo Op. (Just Denise goes for a swim, we had down downs for Visitors No Blow & Momma. Shop Teacher didn't bring the FRB trophy (SICLE was the FRB at two stops - that will never happen again), POON lost the Huya. WHAT???? (Grounds for him to carry it a little longer once it is returned.) We stayed here for quite a little while eating chips and cheesy poufs from between each other's legs.  The cops came and announced on loud speaker "You all are hashers aren't you?" Then left. I didn't hear that at all. And in case you didn't notice, someone in the first floor condo next to our beer stop appeared to have a video camera. Let's just hope they found our costumes amusing and that we don't end up in some news story and lose our jobs over flashing our tits or something. I actually think the only one who disrobed, was POON TWANG - the chivalrous hasher who tore off his kimono toga and gave it to a sopping wet JUST DENISE after her ocean voyage.
H2 Oh-My-God. Nemo. Wet N Wild (as she works at Brevard Parks and recreation part time). Part The Waters. Some references to Moses scriptures. Scuba Dooba Doo. Grandma Moses (She is a Grandma). Muff Diver. Slippery Underworld. Yellow Submarine. Mom The Baptist. Tail Plunge. Anchor’s Away. Seabee Bobbinba On The Waterba (Pronounced In Fat Albert Dialect).  Styrofoam Hole. Throw Me I’m Dinghy. Fish Bait. Bob. OK, now I'm just making shit up.  
And here’s some more info on JUST DENISE
1. She was a red hat lady.. (I like the word Cherry for the red part)..
2. She has been shit-faced twice in 4 hashes.. Has cats, a dog, kids and grandkids. and is rumored to have slept over .. on the first hash.. She has a No broken hearts tattoo.
3. She threw herself into the ocean on hash 4 when she was hardly able to walk - and BB and Poon had to save her. Has to have some part-the-waters innuendo.. Moses etc..
4.. ok.. how about Moses Cherry Tart.. I am killing me here.. laughing..
5. I was thinking Ophelia or (I-feel-ya) because of Ophelia throwing herself off a cliff into the water in Hamlet.. but since Hamlet was never published in a porn magazine.. you people probably dont know what I am talking about.. so skip it... its bed time..
At any rate, it's a real start and we get to name her at her next hash.  Don't worry JUST DENISE, by the time your name is branded on you, we'll have forgotten all about the wanker stuff, but not your JACQUES COUSTEAU adventure.
6. On back to Cottage Pub part two for a lot more beer
7. Cocoa Beach Fountain again for jello shots in the dark.  (Hey, I remembered something.  They were coconut flavored - yummy)
8. End at Pig N Whistle.   Some folks did in fact, eat here, which was a very smart thing.  I on the other hand, was too busy dancing with COCK TENDER and drinking Kamikaze's with SUCKY.  Not the brightest blonde/redhead under the sun I'd say.  And this is where my first pair of panties were stolen.  While I've been accused of stealing other's drawer's (and I never did - it was all HAPPY MEAL), I've never had mine stolen.  SUCKY left with the lime green lacies hanging around his neck.  Splain that one to the teenager!   I may never see them again.  By about midnight, we managed to find our vehicles and thank goodness the FUZZ was not staking out that parking lot.  As far as I know everyone got home safely in time for Mutha's day.  Except at the LGC, where the cops tracked down the visiting Daytona hashers at the scene of the crime.  Breaking and Entering ( I believe the term is B&E) or just plain vandalism on JUST DENISE’s car.   Nothing hurt, nothing stolen.  Perhaps, JUST DENISE broke into her own car and the PO PO had just heard the story of the wet hasher and had to see her for themselves.
And why did we drink so many shots this night?   I think because DICK SNIFFAH got a job!  She's going to be the head (who said it?) of something to do with children.  Congratulations SNIFFAH!!!! - does that mean you are staying with us misfits?
Another great TOGA hash by the not so fat boys and a good time was had by all!
Also, for anyone wanting to say a temporary goodbye to KOJAK, he leaves for his summer building vacation up north after the Space Coast's next hash this cumming weekend.
Start shopping for your new red dress.  It's cumming.  I'm not sure when, but it's cummin soon.  And I hear ANUS AND PUKE have some memorial weekend plans for us also.
Until we meet again - may the hash go in peace. 
Your ON-SEC, Sicle
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#118 – The Straight A Way Hash

22 May 2004
Hares: LittleFinandHappyMeal
Hounds: Honorable Discharge, Beer Bop, Bike Bitch, Just Swallows, Cock Tender, Circle Blow, Ass Packet, Cumsicle, Shop Teacher, Just Puke, Just Robin (hash #4), Dr. Anus, Wood Liquor, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Short Straw, and Poon Twang.
Virgins: Just Erin, Just Susan
Visitors: Ass Squealer (it's a dry spell for him)
I was thinking I'd name this the neanderthal hash as I was bent over on trail in the shiggy because I thought we had evolved to walk upright. I also got my hair pulled later at the on-after by my desert buddy, CROTCHDUSTER. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of straightaways and lots of upright time on trail, but this was a trail for which we should have packed a rucksack. We should have had snacks to keep us going (because we were forced to eat styrofoam packing peanuts covered in cheese dust - and someone shall pay for this most blatant of violations- buying generic brands of cheesy poufs). HAPPY MEAL must have wanted to have some fun with LITTLE FIN today as she knows the penance he would have to pay. We should have had extra water for this was a trail over our 3-mile norm and perhaps a mat for napping. Thank God we didn't have to cross any of the many canals we walked along. I saw things moving in them.
We gathered behind the County Line and were issued our survival kits, complete with 3 extra credit coupons, a colored rubber and emergency instructions in case we were lost on trail. It seems that several of our most recent hares have gone an extra mile to make their trails fun and interesting. This was LITTLE FIN'S retirement hash. He's hung up his uniform so he can wear a goatee and 3 pairs of earrings as well as lots and lots of hair gel. We were given the general direction to start off in and waited 10 minutes before we were ON-OUT. Hey, someone said MOMMA and NO BLOW were cumming, but I didn't see them there.
DR ANUS was, of course, the FRB at the first stop, but he wasn't getting the trophy just yet. Dirty Girl's JUST ROBIN and SICLE showed up to the first stop covered in mud up to their thighs. Apparently they did not see the bridge 15 feet from where they went thru the soft mud. I went first and my first step buried me to my right knee. As I tried to step again, down went my left leg to my knee and I thought I was going to lose my shoes, but I leaned forward and crawled across the top of the mud on my hands and knees to get out. POON TWANG was right behind me with white pants on, and of course he followed. I'm not sure where JUST ROBIN fell in, but she stopped at an irrigation spicket in the orange grove to wash some of the black stuff off using stinky river water. She also had mud and blood on trail before this first stop. BEER BOP looked the same way, but we didn't know it because we didn't see him again until Bare Assets. Can you say RANGER?? No need for anyone to use their emergency kit. He's been hashing since 1990, so we weren't too worried and we knew he hadn't wimped out on us. I hate it when we lose people. Our first stop was at an abandoned maroon house that looked like Jason might exit at any moment with a chainsaw. Creepy. BIKE BITCH looked inside to see if there were any bound children or hot tubs - but not this time. The Hounds and Harriettes quenched a bit of their thirst and set off along their first canal.
There were long straightaways on this stretch of the trail as we worked our way to the "orange house". The owner of this house is a friend of HAPPY SNACKS, (HAPPY MEAL'S daughter), JUST MINOR MAXIE. JUST MINOR MAXIE's mom has been meaning to cum hashing with us, but she wasn't in town today, but agreed to let us have a stop in her driveway. Thanks JUST MINOR MAXIE'S mom. See SICLE's photos from this stop on ofoto. Hope I'm getting this in the right order. This was a long-ass trail! I think it took us over an hour to get to the orange house (OK, maybe it was just me and the slower folks behind me) I have no idea how long HONORABLE DISCHARGE, ANUS, SQUEALER, JUST SUSAN, WOOD LIQUOR, SHORT STRAW, SHOP TEACHER JUST ERIN, and JUST PUKE had been there before we arrived. We were given a hint as to the direction of the trail from there, but of course did not take it. Instead, we played frisbee in the street, mindlessly following POON TWANG (and we were warned not to follow him). We saw no trail marks, but kept on walking. Then ASS PACKET said, "she told me look for the tree on the left". Well, the last marked tree on the left was right after the orange house driveway, so we backtracked, played some more frisbee and finally made our way back on trail along another canal.
Our first Extra Credit was next to a well and water treatment business in the trees and we had some more of those yummy coconut Jell-O shots. LITTLE FIN administered a gigantic garbage bag loaded with red, yellow and green Jell-O shots while we read our instruction tag - it was a picture of HAPPY MEAL next to a Go Active Happy Meal sign at McDonalds with a note that said take a Jell-O shot break to keep you going. They must have been powerful, because it was just after this stop that COCKPIT hit a speedbump and landed on the other side, hand first. We stayed on pavement and spotted a pub, but the chalk signs said we were not to stop here (NO EC). Around the back of this strip mall, however, was our second Extra Credit - a house of ill repute. EC2 was a tiny little whore house (and some our frequent flyers recognized it - ASS SQUEALER AND DR ANUS). Others missed it completely (JUST PUKE). I missed one of the employees on the front porch, but a man was out there when I passed by and COCK TENDER was kind enough to stop (not to go in as this EC was optional) but to give the man his rubber from his survival kit. Damn, on trail over 2 hours and this was only EC #2. JUST SWALLOWS and I diligently followed and shared trail with a live raccoon in the reeds by a pond behind the furniture store. We also passed a dead possum that looked like a winged small dinosaur with it's rib cage and backbone exposed.
We played frogger on 192 and went back into the shiggy. This is the last time I saw CROTCHDUSTER, COCKPIT AND SQUEALER before circle. So I know they didn't follow trail as the next place they showed up was at Bare Assets. We stopped in for the afternoon nekkid pole dancing. If the bouncer would let us, every harriette would have been on stage, but I heard it's frowned upon to get close to the working girls, so we hung by the bar and did lap dances instead. We were only there long enough to realize that JUST ROBIN had the biggest tits of them all and to have one beer and we were off to play more frogger - and by the way, somewhere near there were our tit and dick checks. Damn, missed all of those.
Finally, a clearing and more pavement and HAPPY MEAL took us ON-IN past the wildlife crossing (see ofoto's) to our final resting place - a wooded area next to another place of business (that was still open) and a park (that was occupied by children). As you can also see by the ofoto's, the sun was about to go down. I want you to recognize that I checked the weather channel and sunset occurs at 8:17 pm, that's 2017 for you military folks, and we were in the circle for about 30 minutes when it got dark. We didn't head out on trail til 5 pm (1700), so we were on trail for close to 3 hours. No wonder us hounds were dog tired.
We set up circle quickly with help from everyone but Sicle and Short Straw who were lounging in the ice chairs before they were loaded.
Comments from the Circle and those who spent time on ice:
Hares on Ice - LITTLEFINANDHAPPYMEAL. Just Erin was concerned and exclaimed "Aren't you going to let them get up? I like them!"
Comments:
Honorable Discharge A hasher since '89. "This was my best trail ever in Florida" ( I believe it was his first trail ever in Florida). He's been a peeping Tom on our group mail until the sheer volume of messages forced him to turn us off. Wonder what took him so long to cum and play with us? Must be a voyeur.
JUST PUKE ' "This trail kicked ass and it was easily cheatable!!" I assume because of the length, the titty bar and the shiggy and because he is well-known for torturous trails, and this one was long and torturous. And lord knows he likes to range and cheat.
CIRCLE BLOW- She especially liked the dancer in the red skirt and the white thigh-highs.
COCKTENDER - "He liked it because he got his "sweat" on" I also saw him give up his rubber to a man at Extra Credit number two - also known as the whore house. He said he had plenty, which either means he's got a large stock or he's having a dry spell.
SQUEALER - "He liked the titties" (he would)
SHORT STRAW - And I quote "if this trail was less than 7 miles, I've got 12 inches for ya and if Fin ever hares again, I'm not cummin!"
COCKPIT - "This was Little Fin's best trail ever" even though she fell on a speed bump and has an open sore on the palm of her hand.
CROTCHDUSTER - "Bike Bitch tried to lure me to the Cold Keg and touch me in my NO NO spot"
JUST SUSAN - "I liked it because I ate Rocky Road Ice Cream for breakfast and I worked it off.
FRB's ON ICE- HONORABLE DISCHARGE AND DR ANUS - HONORABLE DISCHARGE or HD (who said head) wont' be at our next hash, so the trophy moved over to ANUS. HONORABLE DISCHARGE remained on ice for headgear (who said it again? I'll take some of that). I know he stayed for a 3rd down down, but don't recall the 3rd violation. We were simply grateful on my side of the circle for two men on ice with their pants around their ankles.
POON TWANG said there were shrooms on trail and SHORT STRAW tried to give him a dirty straw.
DR ANUS simply burped
BEER BOP told us a story of ranging and encountering a couple of dogs who were after his left nut. He arrived with both nuts in tact. Did anyone check?
DFL'S ON ICE - ASS PACKET AND POON TWANG - PT had Nestea in his moldy camel pack. SHOP TEACHER decided he wanted to tell a totally unrelated story at this time about his ex wife going to the emergency room for stitches, which absolutely MADE HIS DAY. A little vengeance is healthy, a story told with such enthusiasm should scare us a little. He is missing a hand after all. He also noticed that there were buzzards circling, so that either means something was dead or rotting below it, so it was time to get ASS PACKET off ice and let him poop the remaining ice cubes from his shorts and continue being our RA. CROTCHDUSTER fell over at this point (literally). I think he was leaning on COCKPIT, who left him and he ended up on his ass. DR ANUS took this opportunity to announce the 2nd Anal Memorial Day Hash at the Porn Shack.
VIRGIN'S ON ICE - JUST SUSAN and JUST ERIN. JUST SUSAN'S stunt dick, WOODLIQUOR, sat for her so she wouldn't have to strip off her one piece and get naked on ice. JUST ERIN let out a scream as her ass entered the frozen tundra that will be remembered for a long time to cum. I'd say there's naming potential there. FROZEN SCREAMER, ANAL PUSHUP, FROSTY TACO, GLACIER JUICE, FROSTY NIPPLER. You get the idea. COCKPIT AND CIRCLE BLOW sang the chilled Harriettes their rendition of "Like a Virgin - hashing for the very first time"
JUST ERIN was told she could pretend to be a virgin again since her first hash was a pub crawl. I recall a certain virgin whose first hash was a pub crawl (me). I raised my hand on my second hash when they asked if there were any virgins, as I thought you remained a virgin til you got your name. The answer then was, "you can only have your cherry popped once honey" Why the answer has now changed, I have no idea. I truly believe that the hounds will simply make shit up so they can see every harriette's ass on ice every time we hash. Case in point, I was on ice yesterday- why? I was not a virgin, a visitor, the FRB, the HARE, the DFL, nor did I commit any headgear or other violations. See what I mean? They just want to see my butt. I did however get my first bare-ass man on my lap while on ice (BEER BOP). That's always a good thing. So when he was on ice, I reciprocated (with my clothes on though). CROTCHDUSTER fell over again - perhaps it wasn't COCKPIT'S fault at all - maybe he was just drunk on his ass - literally.
HUYA - POON TWANG back on ice trying to defend why he should not retain the HUYA after losing it. "The ice is rough on this side" He then began his testimony for not keeping the HUYA "...I had to leave the trail and I thought the HUYA should remain with the hash, so I entrusted it to JUST PUKE who set it down on a beer stop at the POW WOW and lost it..." False accusation, he lost it, he keeps it - drink it down down down down.
All in all it was a long sweaty trail, a little bit dirty, not very wet, but worthy of a thumbs up from PUKE AND ANUS, so I guess that means LITTLE FIN may live to hare again. Congratulations on your retirement! Have fun trying to match your clothes every day now. Light blue shirt, dark blue pants usually works. Right about now though, I think he will be looking for a sexy red dress as our 4th (I think it's our 4th) Anal Red Dress Run is cumming on the 19th of June. I'm told YANKSIT will exit the BVD hash, which he and FIRE founded in 1999, to move to ARKANSAS, on
exactly his 100th hash. I'm also told he is haring this event.
The ON-AFTER was at Penny Annies where I believe FIN sprung for some beer and wings. I wasn't there at the start, but he tried to make me eat a whole pan of them so he didn't have to take them home. I APOLOGIZE to BEER BOP - I gave him bad directions. I sent him south of Palm Bay Road on Minton and it was actually north. I should have let someone else tell him because I always mess that up - I know how to get there, I just screw up the betweens on Minton. I got some good head from CROTCHDUSTER (he was pulling my hair after I told him men aren't generally any good with their hands) but he wouldn't kiss me after that. I hate that. His wife said they had to go and they just got up and walked out - no hug, no kiss - nothing. Not to worry, COCKPIT wasn't mad. She has a stunt hubby and she studs CROTCHDUSTER out every once in a while. We did get to hear the very romantic story of their first date before they left however. CROTCH took her flying as he is a pilot. He takes her home and she asks him in the driveway if he has a rubber. He said no. She didn't want to get pregnant, so she gave him a blowjob (only on the first date) and they got married and lived happily ever after. What a romantic story. LITTLEFINANDHAPPYMEAL busted in the women's restroom together and after that it was all in pairs. Girl on girl, guy on girl. I didn't see any boy pairs though - that's a good thing. I know SHOP TEACHER was still there because he said he would always be the last to leave so as not to miss any more girl on girl action.
More to cum on the 2nd Anal "Around the Porn Shack Memorial Day Trail" from Anus and Puke. Looking for something to do this Tuesday night (May 25th)? Contact Puke about the baseball game at Space Coast Stadium.
Glad to see our newest hashers - WELCUM to BVD to HONORABLE DISCHARGE, BEER BOP, JUST SUSAN, JUST ERIN, JUST ROBIN, and JUST DENISE (both DENISE AND ROBIN are due for names at their next hash). Bring your sexy selves back to BVD for more unique trails and fun and debauchery!
Until we meet again - may the hash get a peace (except for Squealer - cuz then he won't cum hashing anymore).
Your ON-SEC, Sicle
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#119 – The Gnatty Trail

5 June 2004
Hares: Momma, No Blow and their sponsor Cockpit
Hounds: Yanksit, Just Swallows, HappyMealandLittleFin, Kittylingus, Circle Blow, Ass Packet, Cumsicle, Shop Teacher, Just Puke, Just Robin (hash #5), Hot Carl, Dr. Anus, Crotchduster, and Poon Twang.
Guest appearance at the on after: Wood Liquor and Just Susan
Guest appearance at the on after after:  Fuckleberry and Just Maria
Rain threatened, but we never got poured on as we gathered in the back of the Target parking lot on Courtney Parkway in Merritt Island for yet another Yankee hash, a favorite of COCKPIT’s as she doesn’t have to drive as far.  Lightning struck all around us as we swatted swarms of gnats away from our faces in this wet place.  Next time we do the marshland, someone remind us to bring mosquito netting.
YANKSIT, our founding foreskin father, was back from R-KANSAS so we had to get the FRB trophy back in shape with some duct tape. Welcum back YANKSIT! MOMMA and NO BLOW gave us our minimal chalk talk (no virgins today), asked for 15 minutes and told us which direction to leave in. 
Suck Trail was as follows:
Sidewalk. Pavement. Chalk rationing. Wet grass through the orange grove. Swamp water that we didn’t have to wade through (yaaay). Cul-de-sac beer stop with no houses, but an older lady that came out to ask us “hoo now, what u doin out heah? Auto-hashers  - injured hashers (PUKE AND ANUS) lounging at the stop awaiting our arrival. Gnat removal. HAPPY MEAL laid some trail on Puke with chalk – over his head, down his belly and ON-IN to his crotch. 
Pit bull under a trampoline and most importantly behind the chain link fence – but he was not bothered by our presence nor did he warn his owner that his back yard had a train of hashers running through. Run for your lives through the hood!  (really no one bothered us, but some youngsters helped the DFL’s by telling them which way the FRB’s went.  Tease us by making us pass by a loaded bar that was open. Beer stop behind the strip mall. Peeing behind the dumpster.  Lounging on the wet couch by the dumpster and the concrete step.  More gnat removal – I swear we needed bug shields today. They are everywhere – in our hair – in our underwear - in our teeth – on our necks – they are especially attracted to light colored clothing
ON-ON.  More pavement and sidewalk, by the McDonalds with a space shuttle, past the funeral home, frogger across a busy road, through another projects looking place – “Hey look over there – CROTCHDUSTER is not on trail and he knows where this thing ends. Some people follow him, others stubbornly follow chalk and toilet paper, scaling cinder block fences and mushing through soggy soccer fields.”
Hey, we are finally to circle behind Publix private property (say that fast 3 times). We are confused as to whether we can trespass despite the separate sign that says you are on private property, so we set up the ice chairs on the dangerous scissor lift (the sign said so), draw a chalk circle, and write our hash names in chalk at our stations (some of us had multiple stations). More peeing behind the dumpster and the ritual eating of the cheesy poufs. More gnat removal.  Quick, dump your beer!  It’s a vehicle – an invasion of the Florist. False alarm. Back to circle.
Comments from the Circle and those who spent time on ice:
Hares on Ice – Momma and No Blow – no comments besides the look on their faces on ice – Drink it down down down.
YANKSIT – Gnat enough gnats.  It’s gnat right.
HOT CARL – I’m too full of gnats to drink beer
NO BLOW – We drank gnat-ural light today.
CROTCHDUSTER – Gnat enough low income housing. Gnat enough mean pit bulls on trail.  And while you are at it, have another down down for HEAD (WHO SAID HEAD) GEAR.
FRB's ON ICE- YANKSIT and LITTLE FIN
HUYA - POON TWANG sat minus his gay backpack he’s been carrying the HUYA with.  He first earned it for trying to name himself online – he wanted SOME LONG DONG.  SUM TING WONG.  You can’t name yourself.   He kept they HUYA for losing it at the Pow Wow hash.  Nominations:  LITTLE FIN for carrying HAPPY MEAL’S rain gear.   CROTCHDUSTER for ranging, but he points out it’s acceptable hash behavior.  So then, how did YANKSIT end up with it?  I missed something there.
NAMING – We love these – JUST ROBIN bares ass for her naming and we are just getting started……HOLD EVERYTHING!!  - RENT-A-COP – “You are on private property”  Gotta leave.  Pack everything up, pull up your pants and walk around the front to the Falcon’s nest bar and ask the bartender if it’s OK if we get a little buck wild in the bar and continue our naming.
Let’s resume.  Moan, groan or scream. Rectum or killem. She screams when she’s alone. Likes all sexual positions, but named doggie style as her favorite.  She likes toys, size is important and she’s very loud. Shag, berber or linoleum?  I didn’t hear her response but it prompted DIRTY HAIRYLESS from the crowd. Nope – as always with naming, when the right one slips out, we instantly recognize it as THE right one. CROTCHDUSTER yells out EMMERSUM (big tits). Nope.  44 TRIPLE A from someone else.  Nope. 44 MALT LIK HER – Nope, already have a liquor. SANTA CUNT. Now we like that one a little, but let’s see if we can’t find something better. 40 FOURPLAY from HOT CARL I think.  It’s good, buuuuutttt, nope. From the bowels of CROTCHDUSTER cums yet another name – DILDO!  STAT! That’s it. We like it. This is on the one. JUST ROBIN will be forever known as DILDO – STAT!  Welcum to the hash!
SHOP TEACHER wanted to know where he could find a used tampon string. You had to be there.
OK, more downs downs for everyone else. 
60th anniversary of D day is tomorrow – get all military in the circle to represent all those who have cum before us and salute.  CUMSICLE, HAPPY MEAL, LITTLE FIN, ASS PACKET, DR ANUS, HOT CARL, YANKSIT,  and CROTCHDUSTER. 
Anyone wearing red?  POON TWANG is almost wearing red.  It’s gay pride week?  They’re here and they’re queer.  That’s why BIKE BITCH is not here today.
TOO LONG BETWEEN – YANKSIT, HOT CARL.
I have notes that show a down down for ANUS, HOT CARL, NO BLOW AND POON TWANG and I barely remembered that it was for not wearing hash attire.
IMPERSONATING AN RA:  ASS PACKET.
We ordered pizza and pitcher after pitcher of beer, listened to the live band, watched COCKPIT flash us until we were invited to party with DILDO STAT at her house since the COCK TENDER is away.  WOOD LIQUOR made an appearance at the on-after with JUST SUSAN.  FUCKLEBERRY and JUST MARIA showed up at COCK TENDER’S house.  What a nice