2005 BVDH3 Hash Trash

HASH DISCLAIMER: IT ONLY HAS TO BE 10% TRUE TO BE TRASH!

#134 – New Years Hangover Hash – “A Long Wet One”

Jan 1st, 2005
Hares: Short Straw and Just Beth
Hounds: Just Robin, Hairy Cheeseballs, Shop Teacher, Just Jim, Lite My Ass Up, In My Mouth, Million Buck Fuck, Cock Tender, Shut The Fuck Up, Read My Lips, Ass Packet and Circle Blow.
Virgin: Just Ted.
It was an intimate gathering but actually more than were expected. With so many hashers at Ground Zero on Friday night, so many hashers with holiday plans, so many hashers hung over from New Years Eve and some who are just so whipped that they weren't allowed to cum. It was still a nice turn out for a rainy New Year's Day. We met at the Target parking lot at 2:00pm. Many hasher donned their big colored condoms to protect them from the rain. Count Back 5 just to remind us who laid this trail. SHORT STRAW and JUST BETH had already laid trail. OK, ckalk on the sidewalks at noon, nice rain storm at 1:00 and a hash at 2:00 are not a good mix. On-On! The first part of trail found us hounds wondering the streets desprately looking for any kind of sign. HAIRY CHEESEBALLS found one, no thats county paint. JUST JIM found one, No that was bird shit. READ MY LIPS found a YBF but it turned out to be a left over Bush-Cheney rign in the window of a van. We finally circled around to near the beginning to find SHORT STRAW yelling at us to go that way. That didn't help much. He then had to find us again and point us in the right direction. We were finally on track. Count Back 5! Damn it. And into what turned out to be a nice day of running along paths in the woods. But at least it put an end to hung over hashers trying to cross 192 in the rain. We popped out of the woods some time later to find my car and a Beer Check. Off came the condoms because it was pretty much done raining by then. Beer, beer beer, water water Sprite, JUST ROBIN using technology on trail and LMAU replacing that hot air in her lungs with a nice refreshing smoke.
And we're off. SHORT STRAW gave us a clue as to where the trail was leading but once we were over the bridge and around the corner, most hounds still got lost. I didn't care about trail at this point. All I saw was the PoPo following the beer car with his lights on. Hey wait a minute, that's my car. So off I ran. Any ticket gotten while drinving my car is on the driver. Luckily, he only informed JUST BETH that her rear light was out. You need to get that fixed JUST BETH. By now, JUST TED and I had passed the trail, so we were told to go back and to the right. Another beautiful run through the woods. Oh look, a pretty little lake how nice. Hey look, another pretty little lake. Wow, another lake alright enough with the lakes already. Actually it was just one lake. The first time around the lake we'll call the Eagle Trail. The second time around we'll call the CHESSEBSALLS Trail because he's the only one who actually went around a second time. The Turkey Trail consisted of ASS PACKET cuming in so late that he caught the other hounds finally figuring out that the lake itself was a false trail. Good one. By now however, JUST TED and SHOP TEACHER were so far ahead of everyone else the my whistle was going unheard. The marking on the back part of the trail held up much better than those at the beginning so we had no problems finding them. Well except for HAIRY CHEESBALLS' lucky ass who lost trail but found JUST TED and I. I guess I shouldn't take it upon myself to make sure READ MY LIPS' virgin doesn't get lost. Unfortunately, I missed all of the ASS PACKET farts and all the sex and anyone falling down on trail. We ran through the Red Neck Riviera's Swimming Hole which consisted of a pool floatie, two tires and a bunch of empty beer can in a ditch. The diving baord was a flat bet pickem up truck parked near by. On through the Pitbull Zone and up toward Wickham Road. Hey, that might be SHORT STRAW's truch but who's little ivory Toyota is that parked next to it? I know I recognize it. Count Back 1! damn it. One last reminder of who our Hare is. On-In! Once again we saw my car, very poorly hidden along a very deep ditch. Thank you both very much for not trying to hide it better. When we reached the end as Tri-FRBs we found JUST SWALLOWS waiting for us. And then we all waited. And we waited. And.....
All as one, the rest of the hounds piled in to what turned out to a great place for cirle. Eat, drink and be decadent. OK, enough let's circle up. First up of course, Hares on ICE. SHORT STRAW and JUST BETH. While we waited for them to break in the ice for us ASS PACKET led us all in New Year's resolutions and what we thought of the trail.
FRB and DFL on ice. ASS PACKET deemed that I should get the brand new FRB trophy because I provided it and because he knew I'd return it within a year's time. LMAU got DFL which is now the old FRB trophy that HAIRY CHEESEBALLS finally returned. So just remember folks, there a new twisted twist to being DFL. Unfortunately for JUST SWALLOWS, when I sat on ice I coundn't do it with my five beers stacked on my nub so I passed them off to her just assuming that she would be able to balance them all. Oops! I guess I should have told her that I had just opened the top one. Oops! The good news is that she now smelled like she's been hashing and drinking
all day instead of sleeping off a fireworks hangover headache and just showing up and the end.
Virgins on Ice. Since JUST ROBIN's first hash was a Pub Crawl she joined JUST TED in circle. Along with JUST SWALLOWS and READ MY LIPS for making them cum. READ MY LIPS ended all future bitching about not wanting to sit on ice by jumping right on the ice so that JUST TED didn't have to. Accusations: HAIRY CHEESEBALLS for being stupid enough to say to himself, "Look, another cute little lake". STFU for using LMAU's wanker no less than four times and for quite a few other things that I can't remember but she sat on ice a lot. MBF for loaning his hash gear out and not getting it back. CIRCLE BLOW got called out for something but got out of it by being called a lady, which we all know is a false accusation. COCK TENDER for not getting laid on an away hash. What is this world cuming to? SHOP TEACHER for not marking the trail for those who follow. There are no rules in hashing. Unfortunely I couldn't sit on ice with four beers stacked on my nub so I passed them off to ASS PACKET just assuming he could balance them all. Oops! You guys suck at that whole balance thing. JUST SWALLOWS for auto hashing to the end. And LMAU for falsely accusing ASS PASKET of farting on trail.
Quotes:
JUST TED - I don't want to sit an the ice because there is bacteria on it.
SHOP TEACHER - Here JUST SWALLOWS, hold these beers while I sit on ice.
SHORT STRAW - What SHOP TEACHER lacks in hands he makes up for in brains.
JUST JIM - Don't worry about me, these deck shoes are very confortable to run in.
STFU - Blah blah blah.
CIRCLE BLOW - Let's so the New Superman Style of Swing Low. While lying flat on the ground with her hands on her chest.
Hopefully for the next hash we'll have a better turn out from our regulars. Get your asses out there. And please, everyone, keep bringing those virgins out. Those kids say the darndest things.
In the imortal words of our beloved 'G'; "Piss off ya wankers"!
Happy New Year. May the hash get PEACE.
ON-OUT
ON-SEC, Shop Teacher
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#135 – F*Ck Like Hares Trail

Jan 15th, 2005
Hares: Read My Lips and Shop Teacher
WHERE: LGC in Eau Gallie
Hounds: Short Sraw, Dr Anus, Thanks for the Mamms, Just Swallows, Cock Tender, IMM, MBF, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, STFU, Just Amy, Kittylingus, Bike Bitch, Just Robin, LMAU, Happy Meal , Little Fin, Just Puke and Hairy Cheezeballs
We met at the LGC, evidentally unbeknownst to BIKE BITCH, at 2:00pm. A few beers, some mug sales, and ASS PACKET lamely impersonating the Beer Miester. Hare away, hounds away. I understand that the first check had people guessing. Which is good for the hare, with fears of feeling DR ANUS and JUST PUKE tapping him on the shoulder long before the first stop. Beer stop #1 (or the On-Sec, Beer Miester Inauguration Party) was behind some church or house or something.
Everyone showed up except for HAIRY CHEEZEBALLS. Maybe he was still speed humping. He was at the end so I assume he showed up eventually. As promised in my ecceptance speach cheeze poofs, Milwaukee's Best and Asti Spumanti were provided. COCK TENDER really seemed to like that stuff, he went looking for the bottle in the croud. Now, I don't want sound petty but one of you assholes pissed on KITTYLINGUS' shoe. Drink up, I'm gone.
Hounds away, out of the woods and toward the little lake. Please tell me the HAIRY CHEEZEBALLS didn't run around the lake twice again. Past the chalk drawings and some minor water hazzards that BIKE BITCH and KITTYLINGUS took as a true trail and a Photo op. Up the road to another good check. Accross the street and behind some houses to A River Runs Through IT. DR ANUS thought he could jump the water. DR ANUS was wrong. It's nice to see that there are still gentlemen in this world of everything being equal. You know, men who are willing to step up and take an ice chair for the ladies. MBF and LITTLE FIN carried HAPPY MEAL, JUST SWALLOWS, IMM and JUST AMY across the water. All together now, AAWWHHHHHHH.
Through a nice little subdivision with some checks and a count back 5. It would have been a count back more had it been a dead trail. Out the back end and toward the Merita Bread Store. Here cums ASS PACKET and he'll be damned if he's going to be DFL again. Oh, wait, what do you mean this isn't the end? Beer stop #2 and SHORT STRAW is a HO. (see picture) Drink, drink, drink. Laugh, laugh, laugh. Piss on a tree and they're off. Along a ditch to a true trail and to a count back and what a count back. Count back 1 back to the true trail which is now of course a check. More ditch to F* you BIKE BITCH written on the pavement. Who would write such a thing? Up to the main road and past a school. Beer near. Another little jaunt through the woods to the end.
Welcome to Run #135 hare on ice, SHOP TEACHER. How did everyone like tail? Just PUKE thought it was the best trail the original hare ever put on. Everyone else just said it sucked. FRB and DFL on ice, JUST PUKE and LITTLE FIN. LITTLE FIN will be the first to carry the new DFL trophy on trail which is the old FRB trophy dressed to the tits in a tutu and makeup. Nice job LMAU. Visitor to BVD on ice, MAMMS. Bruised ass and all. The changing of the HUYA from DR ANUS for wanting to lead our asses to KITTYLINGUS for jumping on ice assuming he was going to be called. DR ANUS has added Midget Porn to the HUYA. Honorable mention for the HUYA were; SHOP TEACHER for voluntarily co-haring with this particular hare. ASS PACKET for trying not to be DFL to the last beer stop. LITTLE FIN and HAPPY MEAL for allegedly getting married sometime soon, but was deemed double jeopardy by the group because HAPPY MEAL already carried it for getting engaged. KITTYLINGUS for pissing on his own shoe. Well, that solves that mystery.
Accusations; JUST PUKE for falsely accusing walkers of running. MBF and LITTLE FIN for being gentlemen. JUST AMY, HAPPY MEAL, IMM and JUST SWALLOWS for being carried across the water. JUST AMY for inviting virgins to a hash and then not showing up herself. SHOP TEACHER for starting the hash at the LGC without informing the owner of the LGC. DR ANUS for not showing up for the year's first hash when most everyone else who went camping did. When one GM drinks... BIKE BITCH's self accusation for his new technology on trail.
Lost property; COCK TENDER had LITTLE FIN's Jingle Balls Tag. JUST SWALLOWS had DR ANUS's wallet from the mismanagement meeting. January birthdays; HAIRY CHEEZEBALLS and SHOP TEACHER.
Quotes:
HAPPY MEAL - "According to my stepodometer, the trail was only 2.6 miles." It was 4.5 miles according to Toyota.
ASS PACKET - "What? I was running like this the whole time."
LITTLE FIN - "Yes dear." I didn't actually hear him say it but you all know he did sometime during the day.
DR ANUS - "I thought I could clear the water." As he's wiping the mud from his shirt.
The hare would like to thank his elves from the bottom of his heart. JUST SWALLOWS for taking notes throughout the hash. And LMAU for driving the beer truck. He couldn't have puuled it off without you.
Get well soon COCKPIT. I'm sure CROTCH DUSTER has a throut lozenge or a suppository or some hand lotion for you. Whatever make him, I mean YOU feel better. Get well soon and get back out here.
ON-OUT
ON-SEC
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#136 – IMM’s Still Wild at 50 Hash

Jan 29th, 2005
Hares: IMM and MBF
Hounds: Kittylingus, Short Straw, Bike Bitch, Just Amy (For Now), LMAU, Little Fin, Just Puke, Shop Teacher, Cock Tender, Just Swallows, STFU, Just Robin, Circle Blow, Ass Packet, Doc Anus and Dildo Stat and Cockpit.
Out of Towners or Transplants: Flash, Eat-A-Pus and 14 Kt Prick.
Virgin: Just Buckethead.
Hares away, leaving us with a rousing round of Father Abraham, led by CIRCLE BLOW and JUST SWALLOWS, and some saki. There was a touching slide show of IMM on the T.V. When I say touching of course I mean there was a picture of IMM touching BIKE BITCH and one of her touching ASS PACKET and one of her touching two little kids. O.K. that one was wierd. A few chalk drawings and more than a few BEERS and were off down the road. Check! Around the block to another check. Wrong way DOC ANUS. Holy crap, is that LITTLE FIN running? Of course I thought I heard him calling out for HAPPY MEAL. He's seems to be a little lost without her hand to hold. Around a house and behind the subdivision and the yippy dogs. God, how I hate yippy dogs. Past the ditch and toward the radio tower (I'm sure we were trespassing...OOPS). A little shiggy and out to a BEER near. AT A CEMETARY! CREEPY! JUST PUKE tried to lose the FRB trophy but it was found. I suggested we get a photo-op at a grave site with velvet chairs but ASS PACKET said that that was even too wrong for him. Bunched and bunches of BEERS and a back rub for LMAU and were off.
Down the railroad tracks for a while (it felt like a scene from Stand By Me except we were running from the dead body and not toward it). Up a hill and through some deep shiggy and back to the street. Down the street and around someone's house to a ditch. Trail and the front runners went to the right. Slackers cheated and went left. STFU was having none of it. That's right, straight through the water. She's wet as hell and she doesn't care who knows it. It all started to look familiar as we came back to the start. It's like the whole day was for nothing.
Everyone into the garage and close the door. It's time for circle. Hurry up SHORT STRAW, nobody wants your stupid mugs. Oh, wait a minute, I bought one. Let's try to make this circle short so we can eat. Yeah right.
ON ICE:

• Hares on ice: IMM and MBF Holy shit!!! Shoot a load on IMM I mean get a load of IMM. Stilettos, mini skirt, mesh top and a whip. She was also sporting a big 5-0 on her ass.

• FRB and DFL on ice: JUST PUKE and JUST BUCKET (JUST ROBIN will carry it in his stead).

• Visitors: Flash, Eat-A-Pus and 14Kt Prick.

• Virgin on ice: JUST BUCKET. And who made you come little boy? JUST ROBIN.

• HUYA on ice: KITTYLINGUS. Added to the HUYA is the Sencorship Bear and a laminated diatribe. It read something to the effect of Blah Blah Blah. Cadidates for the position of HUYA were: STFU for thinking JUST SWALLOWS is our Hash Harlet, SHOP TEACHER for faking a hard attack because he has an attention deficit and IMM for not lying about her age. Maybe she is lying; maybe she's 51 and just doesn't want to admit it. And the winner is....IMM.

• Accusations: technology on trail; JUST ROBIN, JUST BUCKET, COCK TENDER and LMAU.

• No hash attire; DILDO STAT, JUST AMY and IMM. We'll let IMM of the hook cause she looks so naughty.

• Faithful hound on ice: JUST SWALLOWS #25. Private parties: too many to mention.

• January birthdays: SHOP TEACHER and IMM. Which brings us to a matter which a boner of contention with most of us. We need to name JUST AMY.

• JUST AMY on ice: some name nominees are; Next, I love semen, Who's next?, and Now serving... and the winner is NOW SERVING...! Everyone say; "Hi NOW SERVING...!

Luckily, the ON-AFTER was within walking distance. On-on to the kitchen for one hell of a spread. HAPPY BIRTHDAY IMM! Great hash and great party.
Quotes:

• Some old lady when told we were a running club - "But in my back yard?"

• JUST BUCKET - The hash was worse than a JUST ROBIN’s blowjob."

• SHOP TEACHER - "No it wasn't!"

It was brought to my attention that CIRCLE BLOW and COCKPIT haven't sat on ice in a long time. Lets see if we can remedy that situation next time. Even if it's too long between frozen ass. In this turbulant topsy-turvy world we live in… always remember...
Get Yours!
May the hash dress in fleese.
ON-ON
ON-SEC
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#137 – Exercise Is Good For Your Heart, Love Isn't

Feb 13, 2005
Hares: Cock Tender and STFU
Hounds: 14 Kt Prick, Eat-A-Pus, Cockpit, Short Straw, Shop Teacher, LMAU, IMM, MBF, Just Swallows, Little Fin, Happy Meal, Bike Bitch, Just Robin (For Now), Kittylingus and Just Puke
Out of Towner: Just John
Virgin: Just Cara (For Now)
2:00pm at Albertson and Home Depot. We came, we saw, we kicked Valentine's ass. We gathered and mingled, drank and discussed some name possibilities such as Buy my box, Brownie pusher and No show (on account of she's stingy with the flashing). We all got to meet our visitors from across the pond; JUST CARA, JUST JOHN and his wife. LMAU wowed us with Valentine's Day goodies. While JUST ROBIN peddled her wares to the crowd (cookies). Hash cash, chalk talk, hares away. We left the parking lot toward a neighborhood . Up the road to something you just had to see for yourself. And that's exactly what I said to those who could hear, so that they would go all the way to the count back #10. Back to ten and on through the hood. While passing by an apartmentbuilding I see my son. Some of the hashers got to say hello. Past the bowlingalley and a church. What the hell is a 69 marking doing in front of a church? Wecame across a turkey/eagle mark. Haven't seen one of them for awhile. Around a loop and out to Courtenay, past MIHS. Behind a funeral home and toward Beef O'Brady's. Oh good, our beer stop. NOT! Count back #6. Back out to and across Courtenay. Behind Burger King and on to The Falcon's Roost. Beer near in faint pink chalk markings. This brings back memories of DILDO STAT's naming. Now, to most hashers, SHiT means Standard Hash Attire. But not to MBF. He thought that meant to stop for a really long leisurely shit. Long enough to lose the pack and get to thebeer stop as the hares were leaving. At the roost more names were mentioned includingKeep it Cuming and Lady Licker Liker and Satan.
Beer, beer, beer. Hares away, past IMM. Backtracking a little but not for long. We head back to the Easy Street Firehouse. Checking. ON-TWO straight ahead, YBF tothe right and true trail to the left. Surprise, surprise, JUST SWALLOWS is talking about sex.On down one of the only non-pavement areas on the hash so far. Past an elementary school. I was drawn to it. I couldn't help myself. I tried to pull away. I think it might have been because it was a Magnet School. Thank you thank you, I'll be here all week. Oh look, a wooded area. Halleluiah! No more pavement. Through the woods to a very very large ditch. Along the ditch to a crossing spot. Some people crossed (SHORT STRAW and LITTLE FIN). Some people were carried (JUST CARA and HAPPY MEAL). And some people found an alternative route. Through an orange grove (which was new to the Brits) and out to S. Tropical Trail. Oh look...PAVEMENT. And look up ahead...PAVEMENT. Up Tropical for a long time to a check. Street sign, we don't need no stinking street signs. Dead End is as useless to a hasher as No Trespassing or Do Not Enter. Just remember 14 KT PRICK, just because JUST PUKE is fast doesn't mean he's smart. On-around the corner to the dead end, through a hole in the fence and into COCK TENDER's cul de sac. ON-IN. Beer near in faint pink chalk markings.
Into the garage for circle. With the absence of ASS PACKET, COCK TENDER ran circle. Hares on ice: COCK TENDER and STFU. FRB and DFL on ice: SHOP TEACHER and IMM. HUYA on ice: IMM. Added to the HUYA is IMM's AARP card. Candidate for the HUYA were EAT-A-PUS for wanting to pay just $1 for the hash because he wasn't drinking, LMAU for a false accusation and JUST PUKE for testing the depth of the water crossing with a running broad jump. IMM trump us all (which is her right). Regaining the HUYA isKITTYLINGUS for adding such a blah blah blah about a blah blah blah from the last hash. Visitors on ice; JUST JOHN (he found us on the internet) and JUST CARA (her father made her cum). We decided to give JUST CARA an honorary BVD hash name. Nominees were; All in the Family, Daddy's Favorite, A Light Lager, Daddy's little Bahhhhhh and My Daddy Made Me Cum. And the winner is....Daddy's little Bahhhhhh!And now..., from a beautiful garage in Merritt Island, the moment you've all been waiting for.....here's JUST ROBIN. On ice for the long awaited and much typed aboutnaming of JUST ROBIN. Some names that were worn out on the internet were Tittylicious, Techno Tits, Worm Hole and Nipplelicious. New suggestions were June Beaver, $2.50 a box, Mommy Rearest, Buy my box, Cookies and creaming, Keep it cuming and Brownie Pusher. There were a lot of name ideas and she was on ice a long time. Evetyone say hello to...MOMMY REAREST! Hi MOMMY REAREST. Swing Low, Man Style and May the hash get a piece.
Quotes:
A young child to JUST SWALLOWS - "I know you...from school."
BIKE BITCH - "Sure, I'll babysit your kids....I'm good with kids."
JUST JOHN - "My wife is waiting back at the start for me. She thought this would take about an hour."Think he got any tonight?
HAPPY MEAL - "I was on ice for forty-five minutes to get named. I have no sympathy for her."
JUST SWALLOWS give us a song - "MMM MMM MMM" How are those Doritos?
Happy Valentine's Day to all you couples out there and as for the rest of us...we'll call it National Do-It-Yourself Day. Sponsored by Home Depot and www.bangahasher.com.
ON-OUT
Shop Teacher
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#138 – Sniff and Shoot 21st and 1 month Birthday Hash

Feb 26, 2005
Hounds: Doc Anus, Short Straw, Just Puke, Poon Twang, Shop Teacher, Kittylingus, Cock Tender, STFU, Goldie Licks, Happy Meal, LMAU, MBF, IMM, Circle Blow, Crotch Duster, Cock Pit and 14 Kt Prick.
Virgins: Just Carrie and Just Susan
We met at Flo Jo's house at 2:00pm. After a garden party in the back yard we finally had chalk talk. However, with DICK SNIFFA haring, nobody expected to be out at 2:30. We left to the left and out to the main drag. Up to a grassy area and behind some apartments. Through some light shiggy and out to A1A. Across A1A and to the beach. Please don't get hit by a car, truck or some nice young people on motorcycles. Down the beach, God I hate running on sand. Back across A1A to a lovely Extra Credit. BEER and Jello Shots. HAPPY MEAL and COCK TENDER did a great job so far staying with their virgins JUST SUSAN and JUST CARRIE. Hey, where's KITTYLINGUS? Some of us big strong men took our lawyer, STFU, and went looking for him. We never found him.
Back on trail. Away from the beach and through a neighborhood. Which Way!  Let's see... our choices are; through someone's front yard or into a No Trespassing construction area. Though someone's front yard it is. Along a wall to...OK, where the hell is trail. Something should be done about hares making 90 degree turns with no Checks, True Trails or markings of any kind.  Someof us were so lost that when we finally found another mark it was part of the pre-laid next section. Someone was FRB twice. We finally back tracked and found trail next to the wall. Got lost, found end, found trail, found my car, found BEER. BEER Near at the clubhouse. SHORT STRAW turned on Gymnastics, CIRCLE BLOW did the "I've got ice down my drawers" dance and some people tried to talk SHOOTER into letting people do Cooter Shot off of her. No, KITTYLINGUS I won't trade clothes with you.  MBF offered to trade but they were wearing the exact same outfit.
Through the parking lot.  Through a hole in the fence. Checking at the causeway. Across the causeway. Checking at the trailer park. Which Way into the shiggy. This all looks familiar. Look! There's the auto hasher and the hares.
Circle up. For today's performance, the role of RA will be played by JUST PUKE. Hares on ice: SHOOTER and DICK SNIFFA. FRB and DFL on ice: SHOP TEACHER (twice) and POON TWANG.
What the hell happened to the FRB Trophy, DOC ANUS? IMM forgot the DFL Trophy so it looks like she'll be carrying it next time.
February Birthdays on ice: well that's the funny thing. Neither SHOOTER nor DICK SNIFFA were born in February. Luckily, LMAU was, or it would have been and stupid Down Down. Too long in betweens on ice: SHOOTER, POON TWANG and CROTCH DUSTER. Virgins on ice: JUST SUSAN and JUST CARRIE (Stunt Cock; COCK TENDER). No Hash gear and/or Party attire: 14 KT PRICK and IMM...no wait...look at her shorts. LMAU on ice for a false accusation. Auto Hashing: CROTCH DUSTER. Military folk and COCK TENDER for being a quitter: COCK TENDER, HAPPY MEAL and CROTCH DUSTER. Lost Property: STFU for losing the book she felt she needed to bring to the hash. Which brings us to the HUYA!!! KITTYLINGUS had the HUYA from last time for being to Blah Blah Blah on the HUYA. Added to the HUYA is a small dry erase board.  Now you can write whatever the F*CK you want on the HUYA when you have it. Nominees to take the HUYA are KITTYLINGUS, KITTYLINGUS and KITTYLINGUS. And heres why; KITTYLINGUS was running across A1A when he realized his beer was warm and flat. He dispersed it into the atmosphere and it returned as rain. Unfortunately for him it "ACCIDENTALLY" hit one or more of a group of young people on motorcycles. They stopped to "Take KITTYLINGUS to a store to get him a fresh BEER". KITTYLINGUS thought the worst and avoided them so as not to make things worse "FOR HIM". The motorcyclists were even nice enough to help us look for him. While a few of us scoured the beach, they rode up and down A1A looking for him. They were deeply concerned. But low and behold, he emerged unscathed and showed up at the next BEER near. And the winner is...this is so exciting...KITTYLINGUS! To which he was serenaded with "Old McDonald had a Farm" and on this farm he had a whale and he was spouted with BEER. Swing Low and man style. May the hash go in peace.
Quotes:
Someone to COCK TENDER, "This running shit is for runners."
STFU on the Boardwalk, "Where's KITTY?"
Man on Boardwalk, "Are you people looking for a cat?"
SHOP TEACHER to man on Boardwalk, "No, were looking for a DUMB ASS!"
HAPPY MEAL, "Not enough FIN on trail."
On-Out
On Sec
Shop Teacher
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#138.69 Bike Week XVIII

March 4, 5, 6, 2005
Hare: Thor the Wanker
Hounds: A whole bunch
Visitors: A whole bunch
Virgins: Several
FRIDAY
Friday night got off to a bit of a rocky start with a defective beer cooler so we were actually thankful that it was cold (again) this year. Just Corinne, the virgin from Wednesday’s hash, showed up before the pub crawl, but was never seen again. Did we scare her away this time?
The first stop on the pub crawl was the usual place, the bar with the stupid name formerly known as Robbie’s. Oh,wait…did I say the first stop? I meant the ONLY stop! Hey…they did say it was A PUB crawl, right? The lovely and talented Trigger jumped behind the bar and helped the bartenders serve the thirsty hashers. Shop Teacher scared the crap out of one of the bartenders with his patented “stick your nub under the bar flippie up door thingie and scream for help” trick. Actually, I think ST asked, “is it supposed to do that?” The look on the guy’s face was priceless…and I didn’t have my camera. There were some dudes playing pool in what they thought was a nice quiet bar…until we got there. They continued their game with 73 hashers standing around the pool table. Wild Oats led a group of hashers onto the dance floor, however Crotchduster was not one of them. He’s not allowed within 50 feet of her after the Ground Zero incident (he dropped her on her head!).
SATURDAY
Saturday morning’s room crawl is a little blurry (okay, a lot blurry!) to me because I got REALLY, REALLY drunk. I do remember that Just Tina (?), Hanging Loose’s girlfriend, LOVES to be spanked…HARD! Ouch!!!  Did I mention that I got REALLY, REALLY drunk? Apparently, so did Face Plant Puke Princess because he took a 7-hour nap and missed the afternoon trail.
On Saturday afternoon the Beer Guy showed up with the replacement cooler and all was right with the world. Trail consisted of 4 bars…Wise Guys, Caribbean Jacks, Alley Cats, and Bernkastel. Not much to report. Everyone was very well behaved. Right…
At some point on trail, All Hands on Dick (not to be confused with All Tongues on Deck) was clotheslined by a …clothesline!  He ran through someone’s backyard, right into their clothesline. If you know All Hands, you know that he’s somewhat “vertically challenged” so it must have been a pretty short clothesline.
At Bernkastel, Gilligan was presented with a birthday cake for his 75th birthday. Semper Bi was the cake! As Gilligan licked the whipped cream from her naked torso, he said, “This is the best birthday ever!”
Orlando hasher, Oral Hershey Rider, broke a window with his ass Saturday night and resident sober guy, Shop Teacher, drove him to the hospital. The luggage cart riding in the lobby almost claimed another victim or two, but surprisingly, Oral was our only casualty for the weekend.
Saturday night was the night to party on Main Street. Hashers made their way to Froggy’s, Boot Hill Saloon, and other overpriced, overcrowded bars. The skanky strippers at Froggys were a big hit. One of them was wearing a panty liner, one had an abnormally large meat drape hanging out of her shorts, one was freakishly flexible. All of a sudden a hand would appear on her boob from behind her, then you would realize it was her freaking hand! Amelia Airfart went off and got herself a real job so she wasn’t working there (Froggy’s) this year.
SUNDAY
Sunday is a day of rest…at Bernkastel! We lingered there longer than usual this year since they will be closing in a few months. That will be a sad day for the Daytona Hash. We’ve been hanging out there for many, many years (read: they’ve been putting up with us for many, many years!).
Once again, Bike Week kicked ass! Can’t wait for next year!
Crotch was naked when I wrote this-
Cockpit
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#139 - Try to Survive in 2005 OR 1st Blood of the Year

Mar 12, 2005
Hares: Doc Anus and Just Puke
Hounds: Short Straw, Shop Teacher, Read My Lips, STFU, Dick Sniffa, MBF, IMM, Cock Tender, Just Carrie, Just Swallows, 14kt Prick and LMAU
Virgins: Just David and Just Jason
2:00 pm behind the Cingular Building.
It was a small crowd. Everyone must have known who the hares were. We met, sold some BVD Shirts and I bitched about buying BEER for no reason. Well, not for no reason, we'll always have need for it. Out of the parking lot and into a subdivision and into the light shiggy. Let me emphasize LIGHT SHIGGY. We went through a construction site. Past a YBF and within 4 house from the HAPPY-FIN House. Some of us ranged up to the driveway hoping to catch them doing something naughty in the garage. They weren't. Finally found trail behind an erosion wall. We passed by a clearing in the woods so some of us investigated only to find a mountain of empty beer cans. So, it wasn't part of trail but it proved that DOC ANUS and JUST PUKE were definitely there. This all led to what we were there for...DOC ANUS and JUST PUKE shiggy from hell. Shiggy, shiggy, water, water, barbed wire and No Trespassing signs. All the makings of a great trail. SHOP TEACHER fell down, IMM got the most blood and no one got lost...YET! Out of the woods at Sarno. Through the canal, ditch, ravine full of water, not that it mattered much by now, and onto pavement. Glorious pavement. Behind Hot Flixxx to LMAU's vehicle. BEER, cheezy poofs and cookies. STFU, JUST SWALLOWS, DOC ANUS and JUST PUKE went shopping. People sat in the sun trying to dry out their socks while pouring hash alcohol on their wounds. Hares away.
Down behind Hot Flixxx and through more water. Up and down the street looking for a sign. Most hounds went back into the shiggy prematurely. JUST JASON and SHOP TEACHER found a True Trail into the entrance to more shiggy. Out of the shiggy to "HI" written on the pavement in flour. Now they're just stating to piss me off. Into the woods to a CB wack wack or CB#11. Out of the woods and along a ditch. At least this time we weren't in the ditch. Into the woods again...LOST. No marks for awhile. There they are...cute little rose napkins that DOC ANUS and JUST PUKE got as a wedding present. To a check and dueling YBFs. That could mean just one thing. That's right through the water. Up the other side of the ditch to a CB2CB and an empty Trojan box. It wasn't part of trail but it proved that DOC ANUS and JUST PUKE were definitely there. Now we just need to find the CB which is now the check. SHORT STRAW found it and up the road we went. There is LMAU standing by the woods. Leaving little doubt as to where we were going. Through a fence, through some shiggy of course and to a beautiful lake.
Circle up. But where is 14 Kt PRICK? DOC ANUS went to look for him. It's the hare's job to leave no hasher behind. While we were waiting, I broke out a bag of PETA protested Road Kill Gummies. I'm always in favor of being inappropriate. JUST SWALLOWS was looking for a snake while COCK TENDER was looking long and hard for a cock. We'll start circle anyway. FRB on ice: JUST JASON. And because he exhibited competitive behavior, he was joined by that who brung him, READ MY LIPS. That's right you read it right...READ MY LIPS. More on that to cum. Still no 14 KT PRICK. Virgins on ice: First JUST JASON and his host hound READ MY LIPS, then JUST DAVID and his host hound JUST SWALLOWS. The normal array of f*ck ups on ice: Auto hashers; LMAU and DICK SNIFFA. No whistle; LMAU and STFU. No blood; LMAU and DICK SNIFFA, Couples with same hash attire; COCK TENDER/JUST CARRIE and IMM/MBF, And anyone who couldn't cum up with a song or came up with a repeat song. Everyone, "Whip it out at the ball game...". Even the virgin JUST JASON sang us a song. Somewhere along the line JUST SWALLOWS and JUST DAVID had to depart. They had tickets to the Village People Reunion on ice. Hey looks everyone it's DOC ANUS and 14 Kt PRICK. So, let's get to it. Hares on ice: JUST PUKE and DOC ANUS. And since they were so nice to us we took this time to tell some Bike Week stories and asked what everyone thought of the trail. DFL on ice and I mean DFL: 14 Kt PRICK and the last DFL IMM. Accusations: Dry shoes; LMAU and DICK SNIFFA, Too long in between; READ MY LIPS and DICK SNIFFA. Wait a minute, DICK SNIFFA hared the last one...false accusation, STFU on ice. STFU up READ MY LIPS stay seated. Not filling your virgin in on all of the rules; READ MY LIPS. Stay seated and make yourself comfortable. More Daytona stories and mindless chit-chat. Frozen butt cheeks and nipples a pokin'...I think she's learned not to break up with us. WE WILL NOT BE IGNORED! It was one hell of a hash with such a small group. Imagine if there had been twice as many hounds. The more the bloodier!
Hash thought of the day:
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. The Germans drink a lot of BEER and eat a lot of sausage and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. Conclusion; Eat and drink whatever the Hell you want and learn a foreign language!
Yanksit wishes he could have been there but he did want me pass on to you all that each one of you can SUCK HIS ****!
On-Sec
Shop Teacher
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#139.69 - 5th Anal St. Patrick’s Day Parade Hash

March 19, 2005
Hares: Dr. Anus & Just Puke
Hounds: Ass Packet, Be Small, Bike Bitch, Can’t Get Laid, Circle Blow, Cockpit, Cock Tender, Crotchduster, Dick Sniffah, Dildo Stat, Eatapus, Goldie Licks, Happy Meal, Hoosier Daddy, In My Mouth, Just Carrie, Just David, Just Gina, Just Greg, Just Jeff, Just MaryAnn, Just Swallows, Krusty Kreme, Lite My Ass Up, Little Fin, Million Buck Fuck, Moaner Boner, Mullet, Read My Lips, Shop Teacher, Short Straw, Shut the Fuck Up, Sperm Aid, (S)tumbelina, Wood Liquor
Visitors: Fairly Small, Gilligan, Just Nikki, No Blow, Richard Pierce, Waaayy Beyond Gay, Wet Dream
Latecummers: Hot Carl, Kojak
Virgins: Cher, Laverne, Shirley, John, Paul, George, Ringo (Yeah I made those up because I don’t have a freaking clue what their names were, but there were several of them!)
50-something thirsty green hashers met in the parking lot of the now defunct Eatz Diner to start a long day of debauchery. Unless you’ve been in a cave, I’m sure you heard about or saw pictures of No Blow’s cool shiny red fire truck that we used for the parade this year. We even behaved ourselves so he’ll let us use it again next year! Just Puke and Dr. Anus hooked us up with some kick-ass fried chicken, baked beans, tater salad, cookies and cheesy poofs so we would have plenty of energy for the parade and pub crawl. Good stuff...thanks guys!
We watched the rest of the parade go by as we waited patiently for our designated spot in front of the Red Hat Ladies. The Shriners were there with their usual “big dudes driving little cars.” One of them was exceptionally “big” and almost flipped his little car as he was driving around in circles. Several people (Cockpit, Crotchduster, HappyMealLittleFin…) commented on how dangerous that looked and that he was going to lose control and crash into the crowd. Well, guess what?! He lost control and crashed into the crowd…about a foot away from somebody in a wheelchair. Dumbass! (The Shriner, I mean…not the person in the wheelchair!) We found our spot among the rest of the revelers and started our long journey down…whatever the hell that street was. I have three things to say about the parade:
1.  DON’T BEND OVER while standing on top of a fire truck when you’re not wearing underwear under your kilt.
2.  BVD hashers need to take candy-throwing lessons before next year’s parade. There was an awful lot of candy being thrown under cars, on top of cars, in the middle of the street.
3.  Melbourne parade-goers are BEAD WHORES!
Be Small said that he wondered why so many teenage boys were running up to the fire truck to get candy. Then he looked over at Lite My Ass Up sitting next to him spread eagle with her pretty green panties showing. He said they were singing the #1 Creed hit, “With Legs Wide Open.” (That’s his joke, not mine!)
When the parade ended, we circled up in a vacant lot…somewhere. Our RA, in his infinite wisdom, decided to have the circle before the pub crawl before the pack got too drunk.  It was too late for some, including our RA. I know you don’t expect me to remember details from a circle that happened over a week ago, so I won’t even try. I will say it was pretty rowdy and long and A LOT of beer was consumed. Would you expect anything less from a BVD hash?
Lubed up and ready to go, the pack set off in search of trail through downtown Melboring. The first stop was a brand new place called the Main Street Pub. This was a very cool little place. If you weren’t there, go check it out sometime. We were entertained by bagpipers while we drank our icy cold draft beer. Bike Bitch seemed particularly infatuated with the bagpiper on the left.
The next stop was back at the lot where we circled up earlier for some tasty apple pie shots. The newcomers really enjoyed this stop. Several lucky people drank shots from a certain tall blonde’s boobies. Good sticky fun. From there, we walked over to Ichabod’s Dockside Bar for about 150 more beers. Apparently, we lost a good portion of the pack here because they never made it to the jello shot stop in a nearby park. Could have been the temperature drop that kept them away…it was downright chilly. Some appropriately inappropriate stuff happened there, but I can’t talk about it. What happens at the jello shot stop, stays at the jello shot stop…right, Circle?!
The last stop of this awesome pub crawl was at On Tap. Lots of stuff happened here, some of which I can’t talk about. What I can tell you is that Bike Bitch got his ass kicked by a girl and Sucky puked his guts out on the deck (the little waiter boy was NOT happy about that). And, oh yeah, we named Just Greg!! Just Greg is a pilot and has an airplane in a hangar at Daytona airport. He basically lives in his hangar while he’s in town working on his plane. As you know, Crotchduster is a pilot…always thinking about stupid pilot shit so he suggested the name “Hangar Queen.” That’s what you call an airplane that never leaves the hangar. Just Greg HATED it, so of course it stuck! Welcome, Hangar Queen and congratulations! By the way, he’s already said that his name is growing on him.
So there you have it. I know I’m not as funny as Shop Teacher, but I have nicer tits. See you freaks on April 9th, the first hash at our new start time of 4:00 p.m.
On-Out,
-Cockpit
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#140 – Jesus Can't Go Hashing Hash

Mar 27, 2005
Hares: Cock Tender and Just Carrie
Hounds:  Short Straw, Shop Teacher, Little Fin, Happy Meal, IMM, MBF, Kittylingus, Just Puke, Dr. Anus, 14 Kt Prick, LMAU (sort of), Dick Sniffa, Just David, Just Swallows, Wood Liquor, Crotch Duster, Cockpit and Goldie Licks.
Visitor: Richard from Trinidad.
2:00pm (last 2:00pm start for a while) at the Falcons Roost Bar.  We met in a bar, go figure. I always get a kick out of the reaction we get at bars. A bunch of idiots dressed in bunny shirts whooping it up in the early afternoon. All the important people were there. Although I almost didn't recognize GOLDIE LICKS without her Chuck Taylors of many colors. It was raining, we had beer, there was no chance of Jesus showing up...it was a great day to hash.  An older man at the bar asked me about what we were doing. As I drew him in with tales of British Soldiers I went to shake his hand he FREAKED OUT!  He left the bar soon after that. After about an hour or so we finally got down to chalk talk. Even the chalk talk was getting washed away as we listened intently to COCK TENDER.  Hares away. JUST CARRIE driving my and COCK TENDER making room in the passenger seat. HELLO, what the F**K are you thinking..you have to lay trail. Off he goes. At this point JUST DAVID leaves us for a hair cut and a Big Kid Meal at BK. He hoping to wake up tomorrow morning with the King in his bed.
Out of the parking lot to a check and a YBF. Behind Target, where we passed DICK SNIFFA going the wrong way, and into a neighborhood. Out across Courtenay to a check in front of Trinity Church. Still no Jesus. Behind a strip mall and into water. Well, trail went around the water but some hounds figured what the  F**K were already wet and walked right through the water. KITTYLINGUS was first and it was mentioned that it looked like that scene from The Last of the Mohicans where Hawkeye is running through the stream to save Madeline Stowe. I thought it looked more like that scene in Forrest Gump where Forrest is running through the pond in front of the Washington Monument toward his Jenny. Run Forrest run. KITTYLINGUS is not a smart man but he knows where BEER is. BEER check. DICK SNIFFA called LITTLE FIN. She was lost. Due to some bad information by COCK PIT she was in the wrong place. Some beer and some peeing on the wall...good times. COCK TENDER away, JUST CARRIE to go pick up DICK SNIFFA.
Hounds away. Which is when we realized we were drinking and peeing behind a Le Petite Daycare center. It was like everything in the news today. We were doing bad things near where young boys nap like Michael Jackson and I was not partaking just like Terri Schiavo. If Jesus wanted us to stop he would have cum down and told us so. SHIGGY!!! We were in store for some nice shiggy.  Not that SHOP TEACHER and IMM would know. We spent most of the time on our faces. While IMM was falling face first into MBF's crotch I was falling face first into SHORT STRAW's ass. I almost took a stake to the heart, and that would have ruined my whole damned day. DR ANUS was smelling JUST PUKE farts and I was enduring SHORT STRAW's sausage burps. Out of the shiggy and onto the street that looked like the street near JUST SWALLOWS' house. And right next to the Circle K I used to work at back in the day. Across Courtenay and back toward N. Tropical and a check. Down a dirt road, past a No Tresspassing sign and through an apartment complex. Through  a field to a fence. Around the fence and down along a ditch, canal, trench.  Count Back #25! Back around the fence and through an orange grove. For some reason SHORT STRAW started picking oranges. BEER check. Hey, here's DICK SNIFFA. We had a hard time getting the hare to leave today. At the beginning and at the BEER checks.
Down the street and past the BEER can graveyard. Hanging a left onto N. Tropical Trail. And on and on and on. What is it with COCK TENDER and long stretches of N. Tropical Trail? After the front runners ran an extra extra extra long time. They realized they hadn't seen marks. Back they cum to find that trail goes through a field and back toward the beginning of trail. But first, we have to have circle. But alas, neither one of the hares decided to relay the BN at the end. That's when we heard COCK TENDER blowing his whistle. He had picked a spot no bigger than the two chairs themselves. But at least there were plenty of fire ants.  We relocated circle to the main path. We left the car trunk open to block any lookie loos.
Let's do this thing. Hares on ice: COCK TENDER and JUST CARRIE. FRB and DFL(s) on ice: First JUST PUKE as FRB and SHOP TEACHER (WTF) and then HAPPY MEAL and LITTLE FIN as co-DFLs. But wait.  Where's the DFL trophy? 14 KT PRICK in circle for leaving it in your truck and not carrying it on trail. Too long in betweens on ice: KITTYLINGUS. But not WOOD LIQUOR! Even though we haven't seen him before the parade since ever, he was at the St. Patick's Parade. Visitor on ice: RICHARD (They are not big on hash names in Trinidad). HUYA on ice: KITTYLINGUS. Nominees were; SHOP TEACHER for face planting in the shiggy, LMAU for f**king JUST PUKE and COCK TENDER for trying to auto-hash his own trail. And the winner is...KITTYLINGUS keeps it until someone does something really stupid. Accusations: Hounds that didn't hash: LMAU and JUST DAVID. While we had JUST DAVID on ice we decided to get some naming information from him. He is and engineer and works at Sea Ray Boats. He does SWALLOW. Technology on trail: DR ANUS, LITTLE FIN and JUST SWALLOWS. HAPPY MEAL - no Vessels. False accusation. A can is a vessel. Same hash attire: COCK TENDER/SHORT STRAW and everyone who was wearing the new blue BVD shirts. SHOP TEACHER - JUST PUKE for asking people besides the Song Miester for songs, and JUST SWALLOWS for when he finally did ask her she said,"No, I'm talking to SHORT STRAW." OK! That's enough. I think that with each hash the circle gets longer. Swing Low! May the hash go in peace.
QUOTES:
Man in bar after shaking my nub, "AAAAHHHHHH!"
COCKPIT, "CROTH DUSTER is a pussy."
14 KT PRICK, "What? I was supposed to carry the trophy on trail?"
STFU, "BLAH BLAH BLAH."  From sixty miles away.
YANKSIT couldn't make it to today's hash because he was out picking dinnerware with his new Appalachian Manbride.
Hash thought;  I don't wish to see the world through rose colored glasses, I wish the world to be rose colored.
On-On
On-Sec
Shop Teacher
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#141 – The Two Trail Hash

(Actually it was only Run # 140.5. Most of us didn't finish a trail.)
April 9, 2005
Hares: Just Puke and Cockpit
Hounds: Wood Liquor, Shop Teacher, STFU, Short Straw, Suckulator, LMAU, 14Kt Prick, Kittylingus, Prelaid, Just Carrie, Just Swallows, Cock Tender, Dick Sniffa, Poon Twang, Doc Anus, Ass Packet, B Small U Can B and Dildo Stat
Hash Dogs: Gator Bait and Just Hera
Pub Crawl Virgins: Just Jeffrey and Just Mary Ann
Virgin: Just George
4:00pm at PSJ baseball fields. We met, we drank, we talked, we sat, we sat and we sat. We can't start without ASS PACKET. Hey look, it's ASS PACKET. Time for chalk talk. First up, JUST PUKE. He did a fine job explaining what he laid in the parking lot, it was looking like he had scouted a fine trail, but trust me when I say that he left a great many things that we eagles would see on trail. Next up was COCKPIT. She said, "What he said, but take the E before T except after C.." Hares away.
Now I'm sure that the turkey trail was full of fun, sex, hilarity, debauchery and decadence. However, I'm good but I'm not that good. Turkeys go right, eagles go left. Up along Fay Blvd and down along a fence. Checking! Left. Checking! Right. Which Way! Left. Somewhere about now POON TWANG got lost and decided to back track to the beginning and become a turkey. O.K. It was right about here where I suffered a fatel heart attck. Because when I woke up I was crossong the River Styx and decending into HELL. All right, so it was a deep murky ditch. COCK TENDER found "The Bridge Over Muddy Waters" because he had a camera. We followed the ditch down to an opening in the shiggy. Gee, what a nice little, well defined trail. Now, this would be the start of the HELL I mentioned earlier. Along the trail and to a large uprooted tree. Then it got fun. First came the saw palmettos. Next came the thorns. Then when we were good and bloody we entered the saw grass. That felt lovely. We thought," Gee, we're glad the brier patch is over." But alas, we would have given anything to be back in the saw grass. We then entered an area so thick with thorns that we were calling it The Passion of the Christ Hash. This kept up for about I'd say...EVER! By now we had cought JUST PUKE. We were all piled up behind him and I mentioned that it was stupid for him to continue to lay trail. Boy was I wrong. We were trudging along using compasses and SHORT STRAW's GPS trying to head East. Or at least SE. On two different occasions DOC ANUS went up a tree to find a clearing or a path or the turkey hashers or a bulldozer or that guy from Survivor. What he saw was...TREES! On we pressed.
On we pressed. Until we just couldn't press on any further. At this point we decided to turn back. We all opologized to 14KT PRICK because he suggested that we turn back quite a ways back. Great trail PUKE. Hence forth; the term ON-ON, as a way to tell others that you are on trail, has been replaced with the term OW-FUCK. Back through the Passion of Hashers (hey look, Someone found SUCKULATOR's sunglasses), back through the saw grass, back through the what we now know to be the light thornage and back through the saw palmettos. Over the large uprooted tree and back to the road along the ditch. I knew I should have turned back when I first saw that damned ditch. We called the turkeys for a ride. Along cums ASS PACKETand JUST MARY ANN. Back to the beginning for an abbreviated circle. All we'll need is one chair and some ice for JUST PUKE.
Circle up behind the concession stand at the ballpark. A drunken get together behind the concession stand at the ball park will probably take alot of you ladies back to High School. Hare on ice: JUST PUKE. Hare in a chair: COCKPIT. DOC ANUS in for catching the hare. HUYA on ice: KITTYLINGUS. Suggestions for the new owner...Nominees for the new owner... Who are we kidding? JUST PUKE on ice. That's it people. All cirles should be like this.
At to the ON-AFTER where JUST CARRIE is named. Suggested names were; Pussy for Beer and Wachy Slut. And the winner is...WACKY SLUT. Welcome to the hash WACKY SLUT.
To all those going, good luck and have fun at Run Amuk. Or as a lot of you will probably want to call it...BVD H3 Run # 142. It's not our's but Hell, niether were Bike Week or St Patrick's Day.
Hash Thought; Love is a word that men use when all other tricks to obtain sex have been exhausted.
ON-ON
ON-SEC
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The better of the 2 trails!
Turkeys back towards Fay and to the right. AP and Be Small being the only 2 guys to know better than to attempt Pukey Poo's and Anus Poo's trails headed out w/the women. First it was up to Fay, look right, look left, look right again, sound familiar? After waiting until someone found trail, we crossed the street and away we went. Went down the street, took a left, no, wait, stright, nope, it was left. Coming back across the street we had officer fyfe telling us to hurry it along and then the only confusing part of the trail. Someone headed down a dirt road and the rest of us followed. AP being somewhat sensible asked, "Is this the right way?" Now a horn blows so we keep on going and going and going until finally we get the phone call and it's Mrs. CP. We get turned back around and head into the next dirt road and Wham, there's CP w/beer. It was a beautiful sight, just beautiful.
We then have a mini circle for about an hour and 1/2, where we discuss potential names for Just Carrie, AP and Be Small listen to the women talk about what they like and how many toys they have as well as how many they've used at one time and so forth and so on.
Congratulations Whacky Slut. Back to ground zero we go. No thorns, no "Ow, Fuck", no looking for an extended period of time trying to find the next mark, just a beautiful, lazy walk around for a couple of hours, however, the sand was a little diffucult and hard on the knees.
Everyone remembers our little Pukey Poo on ice so that was the wrap up for the turkey trail and of course excellent trash Shoppie Poo. I can only wish to attain the level of your beautiful hash trashes, but just wanted to quickly sum up what the turkeys went through for you.
Oh yea, did I mention how tough the sand was or the smell of that one canal we had to pass, now that was tough.
On glad as hell I went w/the women
Be Small
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Great trash shopteacher.....but you left out one part.....the fact that if we hadn't been surrounded by miles of thorn bushes, and weren't afraid of falling into them, we all would have tried to jump on Puke and beat his ass at one time or another yesterday.
Kittylingus
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OUCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUU@@@@@##########!!!! Why did my first time have to be so memorable (reminds me of another first time) ... Conciliation - good people, good beer - Got Blood???
Just wait until this virgin puts into writing and slandered word, his account of the mighty EAGLE trail (can you really call it a trail) in the wonderful world of Port ST. Hood...
I have to go now, I have to change my IV and later I am going to a faith healer...
Just Jeffrey
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Shop never fails to "tell it like it is" while making us laff! The rest of us will cont donating blood if we r crazy enuf to follow Puke/Anus! Oh, yeah, that would be me .. following Puke on a lost hare bike hash .. later today .. LMAU is smarter than the rest of us .. she's doing the beer truck! (LAMU: can u fit the rest of us in there w/u?)
BTW .. not much was said about Cockpits trail. We had tons of fun! Nor was it a gimme trail.. CP had us walk a long long long long...way.. Apparently she's in training for a Marathon devoted to RESCUING tits! We were so exhausted ... when we found beer .. we all got very drunk!
On she did it for the tits & he did it for the HUYA!
STFU
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What she said! Cockpit is the BOMB!!!
On- I'm glad I am not driven by testosterone!
P.S. That's NOT saying Pre-laid IS (driven that is), but more than likely coerced into the Eagle BS!!!
LMAU
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Good Monday Moaning to all you fast running, high flying (or climbing), loud screeching and graciously humble (yeah, right) EAGLES!!! And to my "other" furry friends: the ever sauntering, slow but steady paced, fun loving TURKEYS...
Glad to hear that all the aches, pains, cuts and bruises are on the mend...
Thanks to Shop Teacher and Be Small for the great hash trashes... Shop Teacher, as usual, your wit is... twisted but hysterical. Kudos go out to the hash hostess with the mostess (CP). Great trail, awesome beer stop, super people, truly one of the best trails, EVER!! (I mean, when can I say I beat Anus, Short Straw, Puke, etc to the circle!!) Wahooooo!!!
Be Small, you are truly a gentleman! 14K, much appreciation for going out of your way... I owe you.. Wacky Slut, welcome to forgetting your wanker name (which was???) Mary Ann, my New England compadre..VINATIERI RULES!!!
Thanks again.... for those going to RunAMuck... Enjoy!!!
Ms. Sniffah
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Life is good. An hour of Peroxide and soaking in hot soapy water and the scabs have started to form over my lascerations. No More Un-Scouted Puke trails ever!
Sucky
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They said it couldn't be done. But as usual "they" were wrong.
Spermaid and Weenee no longer have the distinction of "Worst Trail Ever"
The new Standard Bearer is none other than our Just Puke or as he was known yesterday F%*&^^H*(n Puke.)
Yep it had to be the most horrendous trail ever laid. I don't think he can formally be classified as a hare since the FOOL didn't even know how to get to his beer check.
Oh well Scars heal.
If anybody sees's him out scouting on his bike today, RUN HIS ASS OVER, please.
Kinder Gentler out the effin' window
SS
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#142 – Eatz/Art Festival

Apr 23, 2005
Hares: Dr. Anus & Just Puke
Hounds: Suckulator, Just Swallows, IMM, MBF, Wacky Slut, LMAU, Kittylingus, Happy Meal, Little Fin, Shop Teacher, Cock Tender, STFU, Goldie Licks, Wood Liquor, Dick Sniffa, Read My Lips and Short Straw.
4:00pm at what once was EATZ Diner. Hounds trickled in and were accounted for. Parking was somewhat of an issue due to the Art Festival, but in the end no hashers got ticketed or towed. The PoPo would get involved in today's hash but more on that later.
Group grope. Hares away at just after 4:35. While we wait we find out that LITTLE FIN is terrified of electric butt plugs. Why? I have no idea, but evidently SUCKULATOR does. We also learn a new word thanks to KITTYLINGUS. He asked if failing to carry the HUYA, even if you're a hare, is "penalizable"? Yes, yes it is but more on that later.
On-On! Let me sum up the first section of trail like this; plop plop plop, which way which way which way, check check check, YBF YBF YBF. It was however, an equal opportunity trail in that there was no front runners at this point. All those checks and YBF's led a variety of hounds off track and back. Through a neighborhood "CB", across the 192 - New Haven Junction, another neighborhood, past the water tower, past LMAU's jeep and around a lake. Thanks to COCK TENDER and WOOD LIQUOR for guessing correctly at the last which way or check and following true trail the long way around the lake. The rest of us short cutted through a small water hazzard and an amazing amount of duck shit. Were any harriettes carried across? If so, none were admitting it in circle. We all met up at a BEER check under a pavilion where we found what some refered to as a homeless guy. However, if you looked closer you'd have seen a guy wearing fairly grungy clothes, nasty shoes and carrying a shag bag of sorts. This was no homeless guy. This was a member of The Melbourne Life Is One Big Trail HASH NO HOUSE HARRIERS. So, accordingly, KITTYLINGUS had him do a couple of down-downs. KITTYLINGUS is trying to redeem himself and not get the HUYA back for a long time. If he'd have been errested on trail, however, I don't think that contributing to the delinquency of a visiting hasher would have stopped that from happening. But more on that later. Hares away. While we wait we find two people, we assume and hope are a man and a woman according to god's true plan and therefore everyone's true plan of a couple, dry humping on a blanket in the park. JUST SWALLOWS relays to us how turned on she was after renting the Nicole Kidman movie "Birth". How, as a teacher of young boys, it really got her juices flowing when Nicole and her ten year old co-star bathed together.
On-On! Out of the park and down the road. SHOP TEACHER spots the trail on a big tree. Which is quickly pointed out by the group to be a four foot by four foot cement power pole. It must have been the strain from all that over achieving that was done earlier in the day. More checks, which ways and YBF's. We are heading further and further east. We cross US-1 and find another check. After ruling out going left thanks to a YBF, trail kinda hides itself. READ MY LIPS and SHOP TEACHER go ranging when the BEER jeep is spotted turning off of 192 by the bridge. The rangers catch up with the rest of the pack at the next BEER check. We find the hasher's favorite sign, "NO TRESSPASSING". A closed park at the base of the bridge. We gather, we pee, we eat nasty green peanuts from a can. You southerners are so gross. Actually I think LMAU was only eating them to turn the tables on JUST PUKE by doing gross things with HER mouth before a night of passion for a change. We were actually lucky to even have BEER at the BEER check due to MONKEY BOY aka JUST PUKE giving piss poor directions to DICK SNIFFA's chauffeur. Hares away. Hey, isn't that DR ANUS auto-hashing in the BEER jeep? Only because MONKEY BOY didn't tell LMAU where the end was. While we wait SHORT STRAW tries and doesn't like a green nut. COCK TENDER goes mountain climbing to get a photo-op. And it starts to rain.
At this point, I'm fearing that we are headed over the bridge, which I've already tackled once today. But no. We back track into downtown. We true trail into a small park. Up the stairs to US-1 and across the smaller more managable bridge. CB#4- 4. Which doesn't take an engineer to figure out. that that means check. On-On to a CB#3. Checking to Roberts Park. After getting a grip on the CB#4-4 everyone trickles past FULL WOOD painted on the street and into the...OK we'll call it a park. Well everyone but SHORT STRAW. GOLDIE LICKS and DR ANUS go a huntin. While we wait we find cheap BEER (as always). But what's this? Severely sub-standard hash snacks. Why do I even cum to these hashes?
Circle up!!! FRB on ice; LITTLE FIN joined by the last FRB JUST PUKE, and what? No trophy? KITTYLINGUS takes over as RA while JUST PUKE is on ice and DR ANUS is leaving no hasher behind. KITTYLINGUS tells a gripping story of near disaster. While checking near a train track he is caught by the Po-Po on the tracks. He is told that he'll be going to jail for the weekend and paying a $1200 fine. When lo and behold GOLDIE LICKS is spotted by the cop. She'll be going to jail and paying a $1200 fine. Or....you filthy hasher can just stay off the tracks. Here's SHORT STRAW!!!! DFL on ice; SHORT STRAW (which as it turns out he left trail to go back to the start and get his truck) joined by the last DFL LITTLE FIN with the trophy. Auto hashers on ice; LMAU and DICK SNIFFA, It seems I type that same sentance every trash. Hares on ice; JUST PUKE and DR ANUS. SHOP TEACHER falsely acusses JUST PUKE of a head gear violation. SHOP TEACHER on ice. Huya on ice...What the hell? JUST PUKE doesn't have that with him either. Did you know today was a hash day? Too long in between; HAPPY MEAL and LITTLE FIN, False accusation by JUST PUKE. It is agreed by the group that one missed hash isn't too long in between. Just don't let it happen again.
Accusations; False accusation by JUST SWALLOWS toward COCK TENDER for being a no sex getting hash whore. JUST PUKE for shitty directions. Hares for generic poofs. JUST SWALLOWS give us a song....she has a million hash songs but can never perform under pressure. Get on ice. No hash attire; JUST PUKE and READ MY LIPS. Same hash attire; too many to remember. No whistle; IMM and MBF. Over achievers: GOLDIE LICKS for her triathlon sock and SHOP TEACHER, JUST PUKE and DR "ANSU" (per LMAU in my notes that she and JUST SWALLOWS were kind enough to take) for running in the 5K. Who hasn't sat yet....HAPPY MEAL and STFU. STFU cheat like a MOFO and gets on her knees on ice and does a down down in a cup the size of a leprechaun's nut sack. And it start to rain. We sing the quickest version of Swing Low in hash history and get the hell out of there.
Todays Moral - Next time you see a homeless person, give him or her a Milwaukee's Best Light. This with inspire him or her to get a job because there has got to be better BEER out there you just have to pay a little more for it.
Next up - Psycho De Mayo by IMM and MBF Please RSVP.
ON-OUT
ON-SEC
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#143 – Psycho de Mayo

May 7, 2005
Hares: IMM and MBF
Hounds: Short Straw, Goldie Licks, Shop Teacher, Just Jeffrey, 14Kt Prick, Happy Meal, Little Fin, Pixel Dick, Just Swallows, Just David (for now), Just Maryann, Doc Anus, Eat-A-Pus, Poon Twang, Dick Sniffa, Cock Tender, STFU, Bike Bitch, Wild Oats, Suckulator, Mommy Rearest, Just Bucket, Ass Packet, Wood Liquor and Way Beyond Gay
Virgin: Just Jeff
4:00pm at F. Burton Smith Regional Park. We arrived to find the normal IMM and MBF trail.  That is to say a great deal of attention and lots of extras and goodies. We had sombreros, bandanas, tropical drink vessels with frilly straws and chili pepper bracelets. After mingling for a while and welcoming back those who had been absent for a while we had chalk talk. The first part of trail was pre-laid and we where out.  On-On.
We went around the lake only to find a YBF. DOC ANUS assumed the trail went across the water hazzard and in he went. Quite a few hounds thought he had to be right and in they went. EAT-A-PUS and SHOP TEACHER decided...F*CK that and found trail along the shore line. We went through some decent shiggy and found ourselves on a small road type path. Along the path with some false checks. Off the path and over or under or through some barbed wire to an Extra Credit. It was some sort of shooters. It wasn't Sprite so I have no idea what it was. We drank we laughed we looked for trail. There it is and off we go.
Around some trees and over some rough ground. Here's where it gets shiggyrific. We enter shiggy that only WOOD LIQUOR and JUST MARYANN can get through upright. PIXEL DICK and DOC ANUS lead the pack back to the paths. We follow them until we come to a clearing and find MBF and a BEER near. About 8 minutes later ASS PACKET shows up and we start doing a head (who said head?) count. We're still missing some hounds...here cums HAPPY MEAL, LITTLE FIN and WOOD LIQUOR. PIXEL DICK didn't know if he was cuming to todays hash because he didn't know what RSVP meant. I guess he isn't from the French part of Trinidad. Have a BEER and do some geo caching. Maybe even climb a tree. LITTLE FIN plays Tarzan and up he goes. Hey FIN, go ahead, the vine will hold you. MBF is out and ten minutes later we're back on the chase. Out of the... OK we'll call it a park and right to a check. We find trail to the right and down a very swampy wet road. Everyone's shoes are wet now. We cum out to find we're back at the park we started from. Around the parking area and a mad dash not to be DFL. And I mean a mad dash, six hounds sprint the last fifty feet out of fear. But what's this? SHORT STRAW and WAY BEYOND GAY were so busy finding a geo cache that they didn't seem to notice that the hash was over.
Circle up...  It's nice to have ASS PACKET back in circle. Hares on ice: IMM and MBF. Everyone said what they thought of trail but the only one who mattered was our resident Mexican SHORT STRAW who went into a rant in Spanish. The only thing most of us caught was "I.N.S. I.N.S.". 
FRBs on ice: DOC ANUS, PIXEL DICK and 14KT PRICK. DFLs on ice: SHORT STRAW and WAY BEYOND GAY. Out of towners on ice: WILD OATS and WAY BEYOND GAY. Too long in betweens on ice: MOMMY REAREST, JUST BUCKET, 14KT PRICK and BIKE BITCH. Tags to give out:  BIKE BITCH (75), ASS PACKET (75), HAPPY MEAL (50) and POON TWANG (25). Virgin on ice: JUST JEFF and his host hasher JUST MARYANN. Lost property on ice: STFU for her bundle of tags and JUST BUCKET for his strap of some sort. Same hash attire, no hash attire and no whistle.
We have a naming: JUST DAVID on ice along with his host hasher JUST SWALLOWS.  Names suggestion included; Furburger, Shit Sucks Swallows and... well after 14KT PRICK called out Shit Suck Swallow it was all over. Welcome to the hash SHIT SUCKS SWALLOWS!
HUYA by proxy. JUST PUKE was unable to be there and for some reason was unable to carry the HUYA on trail last hash. DOC ANUS brought it to pass it on. Nominees were; DOC ANUS for jumping into the water at the beginning of trail only to find he was wrong. DOC ANUS for thinking to pass the HUYA on even though his wife was unable to fufill his HUYA duties. And speaking of doodies, BIKE BITCH for giving a little part of himself to the hash. Or should I say, giving a little part of what was in himself to the hash. Seems that when BIKE BITCH got up from the ice he had added to the Cinco De Mayo tradition of "Don't Drink The Water"! Take care of the HUYA BIKE BITCH. 
The tradition I started by repeated the line, "LMAU and DICK SNIFFA auto hashed" was broken today with the absence of LMAU and the fact that DICK SNIFFA actually did a trail. It wasn't the same trail the rest of us did but she walked away from chalk talk and walked into circle some time later. 
I think the best Mexican getup was done by COCK TENDER with his black bandana, sun glasses and his top buttoned shirt. We learned that SUCKULATOR pees more than any man alive. We also learned that SHOP TEACHER isn't perfect. I actually dropped two BEERs from my stack and for that I am truely sorry.
ON-OUT
    ON-SEC
Shop Teacher
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#144 – Blew a Hawaiian and Got Lei'd Hash

May 14, 2005
Hounds: Little Fin and Happy Meal
Hares: Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Short Straw, Just Maryann, Just Jeff, Shop Teacher, LMAU, IMM, MBF, Cock Tender, Bike Bitch, Wild Oats, Goldie Licks, Just Swallows, Dildo Stat, Just Jeffrey, Dick Sniffa, Mommie Rearest, Just Bucket, Kittylingus, Dr Anus and Just Puke.
4:00pm behind Cingular on Eau Gallie Blvd and John Rhodes. We met behind the building in our best Hawaiian garb and got lei'd. We did a little dance, made a little love, drank BEER today. The hares were BEER blessed and they were away. And since the trail was prelaid so were we.
Out of the parking lot and out to the street. Into some light shiggy and left and toward the HappyFin house. Into the subdivision and toward the HappyFin house. A check and around the corner toward the HappyFin house. Now, here's where the story gets scetchy. Some say that there was Extra Credit some where along here... BIKE BITCH, SHOP TEACHER, JUST PUKE and GOLDIE LICKS were wondering why the trail never made it to the HAPPYFIN house. Rumor has it that there were Blue Hawaiians, Mai Tais and even treats for the non-drinker(s). Back to the trail as I know it. Across a ditch and along it to some trails leading into the woods. Nice trails that were well laid by LITTLE FIN (HAPPY MEAL was in charge of drinks, drinks and more drinks) and well marks by I assume GOLDIE LICKS because JUST PUKE wouldn't be that nice to go back and mark a check. Good news - the trail was well marked Bad news - when I got to the Tit Check I was with BIKE BITCH. Through the trails and back out on to the street. Here we see the HAPPYFIN s.u.v. and the first BEER Check. We get there and discuss why some of us didn't follow the whole trail and the importance of IMM taking her shirt off. The walkers show up and the hares are away. SHORT STRAW shows us where trail picks up by using his ass as a beacon to light the way.
Along a fence and back to the street. Back into the woods for another well marked trail full of checks. Hashers must look pretty funny from above. Everyone running around like idiots, splitting up, turning around, joining back up with the mod and doing it all again. The woods end at a street. We cum out in front of this very large barking dog. This dog is either very well trained or very very stupid. It ran back and forth barking like Cujo but never came out of the big opening in the gate by the driveway. Down the street to a True Trail along a ditch. Along the ditch, along the ditch, along the ditch...."BAM" CB# 15. Count back and into a future neighborhood. Out to Aurora and to the left. Across the street to our second BEER Check and what some say is our third stop. We stop we drink we rehydrate... we see that LITTLE FIN has been busy laying cable. Hares away saying "they" know where trail is but no one seems to know who "they" are.
We find trail leading back out toward the road. Past the fork in the road and down to a new contruction site. Trail goes to the right and around a small man-made lake. The FRB's follow trail while the rest of the pack cheat I mean "range" around to the left. Through the dirt to a True Trail pointing to the other side of a wide ditch. So wide the JUST JEFFREY and DOC ANUS know that they can't even think about clearing it with a dirty leap. Some hasher go around to the road bridge while some bite the bullet and trudge through the water crossing. Trail leads us through a very ritzy trailer park. Melbourne's finest residents welcome us into their community by cuming out to greet us. Or maybe they were all outside because they don't have A.C. We cum across a check that confuses more than one FRB leading back out to John Rhodes. To the right and along a very smelly ditch which is probably a trailer park ceptic receptical. Some hasher get stuck on the wrong side of the filth and decide to cross. Some of those people 'still' stink while some employed the "COOTER SCOOTER" method to cross a sewer line. True Trail leading back into the complex of the hash's origin and back into the center area. Here we find the hares waiting for us with big smiles (what were they up to while they were waiting?) and a lot of BEER, or so one would think that six cases of BEER would be enough for you people.
This was agreat place for circle. Completely enclosed, a handy dumpster, snacks and BEER. Circle up. Hares on ice: HAPPY MEAL and LITTLE FIN. Comments on the trail included; wet, dry, long, short, good, bad and what ever the hell SHORT STRAW said. FRB on ice: DOC ANUS. JUST PUKE actually had and carried the FRB trophy on trail. DFL on ice: BIKE BITCH. And this time he actually left the whole turd on the ice. Which was quickly passed around and played with for quite awhile until it ended up in LMAU's vessel and she used it as a swizzle stick. And when one GM shits on the ice all GM's shit on the ice. Isn't that how that stupidity works? We had no virgins and no too long in betweens. I missed you CIRCLE BLOW even if no one else noticed you had been gone. Accusations: whistle check - JUST MARYANN, JUST JEFFREY and JUST BUCKET. Aren't you people edumacating your virgins anymore? DICK SNIFFA for wanting the Mexican discount on a hash shirt. DOC ANUS for falsely accusing SHORT STRAW for doing something wrong when he told her to F*CK OFF, it's $10.00 like always! ASS PACKET for pre-hash whining about it possibly being a long trail on such a hot day and he's such a Hot House Flower. Blood on trail: JUST MARYANN, JUST SWALLOWS and JUST JEFFREY. Lost property - JUST SWALLOWS for getting lei'd but losing it on trail. HUYA on ice: BIKE BITCH brought the HUYA to the party for being the Great Hawwaiian Volcano "POOPAWAY". The only nominee was JUST PUKE for not carrying or adding to the HUYA last time. We were all in a festive mood so we thought we would have ourselves a naming. JUST JEFFREY on ice: Now, JUST JEFFREY sells plane parts, lived in Alaska, was a Chippendale Dancer and is getting a divorce. Let's see, He's got a job, he's a world traveler and he used to be a stripper. Dude, if you're getting a divorce you must have F*CKED UP big time. Possible names were - Cold Cock, Money Back Guarantee, Running Bare and Dancing Bare. Well....right about now we ran out of BEER. SHOP TEACHER should have sat on ice for that, but where's the fun in that. Either way, PARTY'S OVER.
Sorry JUST JEFFREY you'll have to wait until next time.
Quotes...
DICK SNIFFA while holding a LMAU's digital camera - "I'll try not to use all your film."
JUST MARYANN while sitting on ice - "MY pussy is freezing!" (Remember that when it cums time to name her.)
Everyone to MOMMIE REAREST - "NICE TITS."
KITTYLINGUS and SHOP TEACHER after seeing them - "BLAH BLA BLE BLB BLAH!"
ON-OUT
ON-SEC
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#145 – Trail of BEERS

Date, 2005
Hares: Doctor Anus and Just Puke
Hounds: Cock Tender, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Shop Teacher, Pees On Penis, LMAU, STFU, Just Jeff, Crotch Duster, Cockpit, 14Kt Prick, Elvira Mistress of the Web, Hot Carl, Wood Liquor, Suckulator, Shit Suck Swallow, Mommy Rearest, Dick Sniffa and Uncle Purvey.
4:00pm at Fred Lee Park. We met at the back of the park away from prying eyes. We paid the hares so no need for a Hash Cash. We paid them because they brought they're own beer so no need for a BEER Miester. And with the demise of JUST SWALLOWS there's no need for a Song Miester. So, with no further ado... JUST PUKE drank a Diet Coke and DOC ANUS put on his back pack. What the hell did I ust type? What the F*U* is going on here? JUST PUKE spent twenty minutes laying out Chalk Talk, complete with every mark you've ever seen, so that DOC ANUS could tell us to look for Plops and True Trails and nothing else. Well, ecept for BEER of course. Thus, the Trail of BEERS. Here's how it worked; The lead hound or hounds find one or some or several BEERS along the trail. He, she or they must drink said BEER or pass it on to someone who will before they can proceed. It was like CandyLand for grown-ups. This game was complete with plenty of Gum Drop Mounds, Sweet Honey Pots and All Day Suckers. Hares away.
Through the park and out to Emerson. Left toward the bridge. Over the bridge, with a plop on some road kill, to a True Trail mark. ASS PACKET was afraid of heights and since no driver would want to do that much damage to their car, he was safe walking down the middle of the lane. Hey, look! BEER! This is going to be a repetative statement. So I'll just type "BEER". Along the back of some houses in some deeps grass so the hares had to stack the BEER so it would be seen. Trail goes into the woods. BEER. BEER. BEER. Under a bridge, BEER. Ahhh... There is nothing quite like the smell of bum piss on a hot Florida afternoon in June. Up the other side near I-95. BEER. BEER. We cum to our first water hazard. It's a small puddle, easily walked around. BEER. BEER. We cum to our second water hazard... this one is also easily walked around. That's when we noticed that the little hitch- hikers we were picking up were customized with a nice little itching, burning, chlamydia type of after effect. You gotta love nature. We all still have little red dots on our legs. Well, not DOC ANUS and WOOD LIQUOR. They washed theirs off in the natural spring at the half way point. I'm sure no amoebas got in their pee holes. BEER. BEER. All along the way we kept finding oranges scattered on the ground. We also kept finding our lady hounds scattered in the bushes peeing. We cum around a bend to find DOC ANUS and JUST PUKE waiting for us at the rope swing. DOC ANUS climbed out on to a tree branch and into the water he leaped. Nobody else was stupid enough to go in too. Oh, wait a minute... YES...WOOD LIQUOR is that stupid. He used the rope swing to take the plunge. Nobody ELSE was stupid enough. 14KT PRICK said he would jump but he doesn't have health insurance. ASS PACKET said he used to be a Certified Life Gaurd and would be glad to give mouth to mouth if needed. WOOD LIQUOR swung three more times and on the last time he almost slipped off the stick he was holding onto and decided not to temp fate. He was done being stupid... well, for today anyway. COCK TENDER got some great motion pics of the water sports and even some movies of the monkeys in action. He also got a picture of STFU and PEES ON PENIS experiencing penis envy. More BEER and more peeing in the bushes. Hares away. But what's this? The hares headed back the way they came. While we waited, everyone finished their beverages and WOOD LIQUOR got dressed.
The second half of trail was easier for the hares because they didn't have to keep dropping plops. They just use the one's already on the ground. They just had to play Easter Hares leaving little BEER egg for our Easter BEER hunt. They were nice enough to occasionally leave water for SHOP TEACHER, CIRCLE BLOW SNIFFA and STFU. Back through the woods. BEER. Back through the burning bush. BEER. Back past I-95. BEER. Back under the bridge. BEER. (There was a lot of beer to find and drink) Back through the shiggy. BEER. Out of the woods. SHOP TEACHER and DICK SNIFFA could see the hares up ahead in the deep grass but we were out for a leisurely walk so we let them get away. Back to Emerson and a True Trail leading back to the park. Past the road killed racoon to a Turkey/Eagle split. I don't know if anyone took the Eagle Trail. Down along the park and behind the ball fields.
Circle up. Hares on ice; DOC ANUS and JUST PUKE. Out of towner on ice; PEES ON PENIS. Too long in between; UNCLE PURVY, WOOD LIQUOR and HOT CARL. FRB, which was supposed to be the one with the most empties but we just decided that we wanted to see MOMMY REAREST's ass so, MOMMY REAREST. DFL on ice; It was a tie for the least amount of BEER drank. SHOP TEACHER and CIRCLE BLOW. Some one put a cheezy poof between CIRCLE BLOW's lips and lets just say that she was still able to whistle. COCKPIT went muff diving after it with CROTCH DUSTER cheering her on the whole time. She said it was the best cheezy poof she ever ate.
Accusations; Now, to keep things organized and running smoothly in circle, if you have an accusation (according to ASS PACKET in a drunken state) you must put your head on your vessel. Same hash attire; MOMMY REAREST and ELVIRA MISTRESS OF THE WEB for red sports bras, JUST JEFF and SNIFFA for the same hash shirt and the all red shirts and all GMs. Lost property; STFU, JUST PUKE and MOMMY REAREST taking it in the ass for JUST BUCKET. No hash attire; HOT CARL and SHIT SUCK SWALLOW. Since JUST SWALLOWS got called into the School Board Security Office for hashing ( I wonder if she got paddled. It would only be fair wouldn't it?) and had to quit hashing. ELVIRA MISTRESS OF THE WEB drank in her stead. All hasher with ex-wives on ice; well, there were too many of us for everyone to sit on ice so SUCKULATOR and WOOD LIQUOR did the honors while the rest of us gathered round. We drank to a famous hash song. I'm not sure of the title, but the lyrics go - I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! I HOPE YOU F*CKING DIE!!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!!! Hats off vessels on the ground.
I'm am so happy to report that LMAU and DICK SNIFFA hashed the trail, the whole trail and nothing but the trail so help them "G".
I did notice the absence of both JUST MARYANN and JUST JEFFREY. Do they fear their namings?
Just so you know...JUST JEFF's backside (I mean background) includes nursing and working for the corrections (penal) facilities.
Quotes:
WOOD LIQUOR - "Hey y'all, watch this."
SHOP TEACHER to WOOD LIQUOR standing below him by the water - "Hey WOODY, Look at this."
We must say good-bye to JUST SWALLOWS for National Security reasons. So to send her out...
ODE TO JUST SWALLOWS - or - SWALLOW'S PIE
A long long time ago
I can still remember
How the ice chucks used to make her smile
And I knew if I had a chance
I could get in those purple pants
And maybe make her happy for awhile
But ice in winter hade her shiver
With every down down we'd deliver
Bad trails from DOC ANUS
They couldn't be more heinous
I can't remember if I mocked
When I heard about school board's crock
But something made me feel like shit
The day that SWALLOWS quit
So...

Bye, bye we'll miss MISS SWALLOWS' pie
Drove out a hasher cause they're asses but their ass can kiss mine
And them dumbass morons must deaf dumb and blind
Stating they what is wrong and what's right
They know what is wrong and what's right

Now SWALLOWS only sings the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smile and turned away
I went down to the starting spot
Where I'd seen SWALLOWS looking hot
But the folks there said that SWALLOWS couldn't play
And on the trail CIRCLE screamed
WOODY cried and TENDER creamed
But not her name was spoken
Our circle won't be broken
But the hashers I admire were here
ANGRY JESUS and MOMMY'S REAR
Took the trail in search of BEER
The day that SWALLOWS quit
And we were hashing

Bye bye we'll miss MISS SWALLOWS' pie
Drove out a hasher cause they're asses but their ass can kiss mine
Them dumbass morons must be deaf dumb and blind
Stating they know what is wrong and what's right
Thay know what is wrong and what's right
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#146 – Bitch Blanket Bingo

Date, 2005
PREQUEL:
"Schumann, John" <john.schumann@n...wrote:
HHHey You Kooky Guys and Gals, This Saturday there will be music (at Long Doggers) and food (at Long Doggers) and fun (at Long Doggers) and frosty beverages (at Long Doggers) along with all the mighty keen stuff you far-out chicks and cool-cat guys can handle (at Long Doggers). I haven't a clue what it's gonna be like after that......But anyway the time we have together should be really neat-o. I just hope that those bad bikers from the morning Hash don't show up all hopped-up on pep pills and LSG or Roofer cigarettes that they bought from their bongo playing Beatnik friends. Otherwise it's gonna be swell. And, as we say at the beach, "If it swells, ride it !". See you then, Daddio !
Bike Bitch,  Hashing Quality Since 2001
--- InMyMouth <inmymouth2@y...wrote:
The web site says standard hash attire.  But, is anyone gonna wear something really groovy?  The cool chicks need to be in the know.
Ya Dig? IMM

Ethically Challenged Sent:
I'm sure this hash will be really BITCHIN'.  You know... a GAS (but not your kind of gas CT).  I think we should get ALL DECKED OUT, but I'm not sure how well that would do with the shiggy.  We do want to look HIP while we avoid the HEAT, the PIGS, the MAN... GET MY DRIFT?  We all know BB is a REAL GONE CAT. Well Daddy-O, BB, will our groovy threads be okedokie with the shiggy??
JS
"Schumann, John" <john.schumann@n...wrote:
I can dig where you're coming from. Be cool. Don't get wigged out. The shiggy factor is low-Daddio. Scoobely-Bop-De-Boo, I wouldn't do that to you. Even Annette and Frankie could handle this one. Hell....if the weather continues like it has lately....this could be the shortest Hash to date. The AARP trail only takes 5 minutes if you walk s-l-o-w-l- y. Until then, keep your board waxed and watch out for the Gremmies and Ho-Dads.
On-Out, Big Kahuna Bitch
shopteacher186 <shopteacher186@y...wrote:
I don't know...Annette is pretty shaky these days and she's finding it hard to just stand up. Is this hash wheelchair accessable?
--- InMyMouth <inmymouth2@y...wrote:
Help me to remember - there were the surfers (Annette, Bobby, etc.) I think there were also bikers   who else?
Ethically Challenged <justswallows@y...wrote:
I did a search to find out what kind of BOSS THREADS the CHICKS wore to a BITCHIN' event like DADDY-O's and well... let's just say they are somewhat of a DRAG. Although I know a FAR OUT GAL like you and your FUNKY STEADY STUD would find a way to make it HIP.  If you have any KEEN ideas, LAY IT ON ME.  Yours Truly!!
JS
InMyMouth <inmymouth2@y...wrote:
Lots of hair spray, bangs, flips, ribbons, semi-bikinis (although not me - I saw pictures of myself from Psycho de Mayo)... or the hippy poet look - or the mentally challenged bikers.. or the ???
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Hares: Bike Bitch and Wild Oats
Hounds: Cockpit, Short Straw, Goldie Licks, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, IMM, MBF, Ethically Challenged, Dick Sniffa, STFU, LMAU, Dildo Stat, B Small U Can B, Cock Tender, Just Puke, Doc Anus, Shop Teacher, Just Jeff, Just Mary Ann (for now), Just Jeffrey (for now), Mommy Rearest and Just Bucket.
Visitors: Pees On Penis and Flash.
Transplant: Banana Slit. WELCOME!
Virgins: Just Billy and Just Rich.
Late Cumer: 14Kt Prick with a bald ass head.
4:00pm at Long Doggers on Post Road.  We met at 4:00 and had wine with cheese and crackers. Oh, I mean BEER and fried food.  BIKE BITCH fashioned a new stopper for one of our coolers with a wine cork and his knife after it took a leak in his truck. The hares had pre-laid the trail but it's June in Florida. So all their flour plops had turned into little biscuits. After a Chalk Talk that included markings such as a toilet and lightning clouds the hares were given 15 minutes to lay the trail live. A quick blessing and hares away. While they were gone we paid our tabs and replaced our shoes (MOMMY REAREST) and flip flops (LMAU). We finished our BEERS and took a group grope. On-On.
Out of Long Doggers and through the Sonic drive thru.  Across the street to the shopping center and a check.  We searched high and low with little luck. Then someone found a mark along the fence.  Down the tree line along the lake.  STFU, DILDO STAT and PEES ON PENIS go through the chest deep water. And what fine chests they are.  Playing slalom with the trees we made our ways around the lake and out to Wickham. Another check.  By now we realize that 15 minutes was plenty of time for the hares. FLASH found trail and then found DOC ANUS. Then they both found a CB6. Though a neighborhood where JUST JEFFREY, COCK TENDER and SHOP TEACHER found a little man with a big hose. He was nice enough to douse our heads and refresh us.  Somewhere along here B SMALL U CAN B found a chair and decided to bring it with him on trail. That boy ain't right. We came to a check. DOC ANUS went straight and never came back. JUST PUKE went right and never came back. JUST JEFFREY went left and came back empty handed.  So of course we went left and found trail. The moral of the story is; never trust JUST JEFFREY to find trail. To get to trail we had to cross a ditch. There was a pipe across it but there was a varmint guard on it. So there was no cooter scooter action going on. You either had to scale the guard or get wet.  SHOP TEACHER helped LMAU and ETHICALLY CHALLENGED over the guard and IMM up the other side by placing 1 1/2 hands firmly on her badunkadunk and giving the slightest of nudges. Trail went to the right and along the ditch.  We found three plops so we assumed we were on but we didn't find trail again until a check at the next street.  Some went right and some went left. JUST JEFF went straight, further along the ditch and nobody found trail. We found trail straight, further along the ditch. The moral of the story is; never trust JUST JEFF to find anything straight. We followed the ditch around to find BIKE BITCH waiting for us with refreshments. LMAU and her virgin JUST RICH decided to replace the hot air in their lungs with hotter smoke. JUST BUCKET found a pink floatie for the next water hazard. CIRCLE BLOW straddled and laid out on a giant black pipe. I guess what they say is true. BIKE BITCH lost his keys. It must really suck to get old. We participated in another group grope, finished our drinks and we were out.
We were told that trail went off to the right so off we went. There was this hot chick with platform flip flops leaning into a PT Cruiser talking on a cell phone. Now those platform shoes were making her ass thrust out like a nice juicy...but I digress.
We found trail that led us through another neighborhood that led back to Post Rd. We thought we were going home but alas, trail goes left toward some nasty looking shiggy and past a prone STFU. She seemed to have fallen and she couldn't get up. She stepped in a hole and twisted her ankle sumthin' fierce. DILDO STAT and JUST JEFF nursed her, B SMALL U CAN B carried her and BIKE BITCH came and got her. Trail went into said shiggy but lo and behold it opened up into beautiful trails through the woods. We ran along and found some checks and a YBF. DOC ANUS, JUST JEFFREY and JUST PUKE ranged through a deep and nasty trench to the street. Trail led the rest of us up a {OH MY GOD IT'S A SSSQQQUUUEEEEEEEEAAALL TURTLE SSSQQQUUUEEEEEEEEAAALL TURTLE A TURTLE EVERYONE A TURTLE} hill and back down and around in a giant circle jerk. DAMN IT. We finally find trail over the hill near the ball fields. It leads us out to the road and up toward Parkway Rd. JUST MARY ANN and SHOP TEACHER passed some Jehovah's Witnesses and were saved right there in the street, but they found a plop and were hashers again. THANK BEER! We get to the corner and turn right. We found a True Trail leading into Wickham Park and located trail on some trees in a flooded park. Trail leads us to more shiggy. When the bulk of the pack gets there, DOC ANUS, JUST JEFFREY and JUST PUKE are cuming back out of the woods from a false trail. SHOP TEACHER heads into the woods in a different direction trying to piece together the false trail and when he cums back everyone is gone. Seems they all gave up and excepted rides from DICK SNIFFA or called for directions to the end. SHOP TEACHER got back on trail with a little help from WILD OATS on the phone. Trail goes through some dense shiggy marked with an entire roll of TP. So that's where it all went. Trail dumped into a construction site that led to Wickham Rd. Across Wickham and behind a building to a back road that was under water. BEER near! By now SHOP TEACHER knows he's last in. Everyone was gathered around the coolers, cardboard crows, windmills and lovely blocks of ice in the ice chairs. There's STFU with her foot propped up and she is wrapped in caution tape. SHORT STRAW stated that she was the smartest hasher because she saw where trail was headed and faked an injury to get a free pass to the ending.
Circle up. It's 8:00pm so you know we've been through some shit. A quick toast to CROTCH DUSTER.
Hares on ice; BIKE BITCH and WILD OATS.
What was thought of trail; BANANA SLIT - What Dr Suess mother f*cker laid this trail? MOMMY REAREST - The hares are still on west coast time. SHOP TEACHER - It was an oxymoron trail, sometimes there was no trail and sometimes there were two trails.
DFL and FRB on ice; for the first time ever at BVD the DFL and FRB are one in the same. The last hasher in was the only hasher to actually do the entire trail. SHOP TEACHER. He was joined on ice by the old DFL and FRB; MOMMY REAREST and SHORT STRAW. SHOP TEACHER has to carry both trophies on trail next time. Out of towners on ice; FLASH and PEES ON PENIS. Transplants on ice; BANANA SLIT.
Accusations; Technology on trail; SHOP TEACHER. New Shoes; JUST MARYANN.
Virgins on ice; JUST BILLY and his host hasher JUST BUCKET, JUST RICH and his host hasher LMAU.
Mass technology on trail for everyone using cell phones to find their way; ASS PACKET decrees that there were so many that the hares should sit for it.
Lost property; DILDO STAT for her hash tags found by GOLDIE LICKS and JUST MARYANN for a false accusation.
Now on to the namings. First up is JUST JEFFREY. He lived in Anchorage, Alaska, he was a Chippendale's Dancer and he orders airplane parts. You've all read all of the ideas on the web and from the last attempt at his naming. DICK SNIFFA related a story told to her by JUST JEFFREY himself. WHAT AN IDIOT!!! Never tell stories before your naming. Unless you want to be named NUB F*CKER or something. The story tells of how JUST JEFFREY's father would pass out JUST JEFFREY's Chippendale's business cards to people to trump up business for his son. Someone said Lap dance for daddy, but DICK SNIFFA answered with Daddy's little whore. With a roar of the crowd and a blush from JUST JEFFREY and DADDY'S LITTLE WHORE it is. Welcome DADDY'S LITTLE WHORE! 
Next up is JUST MARYANN. CIRCLE BLOW related a story from a previous hash where JUST MARYANN stated that some bitch better get her own fag. So, Fag Hag. Other names were F*ck dat Ass, I Like Gay Porn, Slippery When Wet and Ginger Sucks But I Swallow. SHORT STRAW said it should be something with Ginger in it because she's been Mary Ann all her life so let her be Ginger for once. SHOP TEACHER wanted there to be a vaginal reference because the first time she sat on ice she screaming that her pussy was frozen. Two seconds later SHOP TEACHER came up with Ginger Snatch. Oh my god you'd think it was game 7 or something. You see ladies, Game 7 is a sports reference referring to a pivotal game to determine a winner in a series of games to determine a champion. Anyway, with a roar of the crowd and a blush from JUST MARY ANN and GINGER SNATCH it is. Welcome GINGER SNATCH! Well, it's dark as hell by now so hats off - pots on the ground. Swing Low and Man Style, we are out.
Quotes:
JUST JEFFREY - "I just found out I was gay two weeks ago."
SHOP TEACHER - "Aren't JUST JEFF and JUST JEFFREY both 'pole dancers'?"
GINGER SNATCH - "SSSSSQQQQQEEEEEAAAAALLLLL!!!!!"
STFU - "Hey, That's my hole. Everyone stay out of it."
BIKE BITCH - "My little Saturn will never be the same after this." But hey, neither will Uranus.
All of our best thoughts go out to MBF on hearing of his sister's passing.  Good tidings to all who knew her.
ON-OUT
ON-SEC, Shop Teacher
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#147 – 4th of July Pub Crawl

Or for you race fans "The Milwaukee's Best Light - Get Drunk 500
July 2, 2005
Hares: Dr Anus and Kittylingus.
Hounds: STFU, Fire N Da Hole, Can't Get Laid, Goldie Licks, Short Straw, Spermaid, Krusty Kreme, Just Vanessa, Shop Teacher, Ginger Snatch, Just Jeff, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Little Fin, Happy Meal, Dick Sniffa, Just Puke, LMAU, Just Bucket, Mommy Rearest, Suckulator, Cock Pit, Banana Slit, Hot Carl, Richard Pierce, Pussy Cums Early, Cock Tender, Daddy's Lil Whore, Pees on Penis, B Small U Can B, Dildo Stat, Hoosier, Mullet, Mt. Dora and Driver.
Visitor: Cooter Pie (O2)
Virgin: Just Karen
3:00pm (WTF) at Chili's in Palm Bay. We gathered in the back and hoped for no rain. We ate, we drank, we payed and we prayed. We then waited for straglers to pop in. I would like to thank all our visitors from other hashes for joining us. DRIVER, MT DORA, MULLET, HOOSIER, SPERMAID, KRUSTY KREME, RICHARD PIERCE, PUSSY CUMS EARLY, and COOTER PIE. COOTER PIE and BANANA SLIT now live local and belong to us now... HA HA HA... Everyone, well almost everyone, was dressed in their best Red, White and Blue. Chalk talk outside included some marks that were new to us. RD = Red Death, J = Jello Shots and AP = Ass Packet. Even the flour was Red, White and Blue. Hares away. What I don't understand is why we needed to give them 10 minutes. We all knew where we were going and we knew how close it was. I think they wanted to shop at the Big K. On-Out!
As we pass the start/finish line LMAU blows (huh huh, I said she blows) a tire (a shoe). Now she has to shop at the Big K. With a new pair of star spangled foot wear she's back in the race. As we pass the impromptu car dealership in the parking lot, we pass the Incredible Hulk blow up sex doll designed for DILDO STAT. On accountta she likes um big. This blow up monstrousity is a clear and cheap copy of LITTLE FIN's Holloween costume. Minus the dildo of course. Now just the aura of hashers being up to no good sends car alarms into a fury. The first part of trail was long and perilous but we finally made it to Beef O'Brady's. Here, we drank and mingled. We bantered about possible name ideas for our little men. I'm starting to notice a trend in the days activities.
Hares away. On-Out!
Out of Beef's and through the parking lot where our own ADD (Another Drink Downed) kid, B SMALL U CAN B, finds (as he always seems to) something on wheels that he can push around. Usually with people in it. For now it's a shopping cart. Out and around the plaza and behind it. Trail leads to an alcove for Apple Pie Shots. Some partake and some don't. HAPPY MEAL stays in her mobile shot chair. B SMALL U CAN B's shopping cart. This is when I start noticing that some of us aren't as patriotic as others. It's a 4th of July, Red, White and Blue hash. Cum on people... JUST VANESSA was wearing a perky little green top, which really shows off her...tattoo, with black pants, that really show off her...tattoo and slip on black heals...but I digest. DADDY'S LIL WHORE, MULLET, and HOT CARL where wearing...Well who gives a rat's ass what they were wearing but it wasn't Red, White or Blue. SHORT STRAW was wearing black but what can he do? He's Mexican and his Independence Day was two months ago. Even the virgin JUST KAREN whore...I mean wore the proper attire. CAN'T GET LAID was dressed as a Minute Man, which might explain his name. We cum to the tricky part of trail. A Turkey/Eagle split. Basically, Turkey took you left around a Toyota and Eagle took you right around a Toyota passed a small puddle. I don't think the puddle was there when the trail was laid but JUST PUKE had to pee. On-In to Tapps. We ate, we drank, we discussed possible names. Hares away. On-Out!
Trail took us down the side walk and behind Pube Licks. Some people actually went into the shiggy. As If.... COCK TENDER was having none of it though, this is where he lost his camera last year. We cum around a dumpster to find the hares with Jello Shots. CIRCLE BLOW provides the whipped cream topping. B SMALL U CAN B amazingly find a wheeled object and offers up Big Blue Cart Rides. Four by four people are pushed aroud the area yelling WWWEEEEEEEEE! Hares away. On-Out!
We cross Palm Bay Rd to get to our next destination. If on the way outside chance you gotten yourself lost here cums KITTYLINGUS walking toward us on his way to Poolie's Billiards. We, drink, we drink, we Circle Up. Hares in chairs: DOC ANUS and KITTYLINGUS. Tagging: SHORT STRAW for his 75th hash tag. A naming: JUST BUCKET. He's a former Air Force and current airline pilot. He is married to MOMMY REAREST and he's quite fond of and apparently always ready for sex. Possibilties thrown out were; Bi Wing Nut Job, Wing Nut, Rough Rider, Ace Hole, Rosey Palm Pilot, Feel my gun and Shrunken Salty Nuts. And the winner is - ROSEY PALM PILOT. Heres to ROSEY PALM PILOT he's Red, White and Blue. At this point we got back to drinking, shooting pool and listening to the music. Music, did someone say music? YMCA starts playing but JUST JEFF is in the powder room. He busts out and makes a mad dash toward the...OK we'll call it a dance floor. Actually it's the darts area. He cums around the pool table and runs into and immovable object. That being ASS PACKET. JUST JEFF does a face plant on the floor but he's alright. Alright enough to lead the group in what ever the hell that was. Now that he's been named and is untouchable DADDY'S LIL WHORE shows us a little bit of DADDY'S LIL DANCE. Hares away. On-Out!
Back across Palm Bay Rd to a small parking lot where we were met by Red Death. Reverend Jones passes out the Kool-Aid to the masses. Haven't you people learned not to drink the funny tasting Kool-Aid? We chatted while some of us scattered to the four corners of the woods to etch out and mark their territory. (They peed) Hares away. On-Out!
A short jaunt to our final destination. JD's Sports Bar and the words THE END on the sidewalk. Circle Up.Huya in a chair. Old HUYA; JUST PUKE for his wonderful endless trail back in April. Now I don't mean it was long... I mean it had no F*CKING end. He has added LMAU's blown out flip flop from earlier. New HUYA candidates were; JUST JEFF for his face plant, GINGER SNATCH for her false acusation and JUST PUKE for adding something just now when he's had the damned thing since April. The Huya goes to JUST JEFF.
Accusations; Too long in between - FIRE N DA HOLE. This of course progressed into one GM begets all GM's, All GM's begets Hares, Hares begets BVD H3 Founders, BVD H3 founders begets All first BVD hash attendees. Which begets all hashers which begets and bar patrons which begets all people and soon were singing "I'd like to buy the world a Coke" on a friggin hillside.
Lost Property; SHOP TEACHER for his earring lost in the HAPPY/FIN hot tub, DOC ANUS for his sunglasses, ROSEY PALM PILOT for his hat and LMAU for her fuzzy cooter I MEAN COOZIE. Hats off, pots on the ground.
PEES ON PENIS I hope your knees are alright. She knows what I'm talking about...AAAAHHHH YEEAAAHH!
MBF I hope your heart is allright.
Quotes:
GOLDIE LICKS - "Hey, SHOP TEACHER I've got another quote for you."
DICK SNIFFA - "AAAHHH the Red, White and Blue flour is so cute."
LMAU about the shop outside of Beefs - Suds and Scissors, "Who would mix drinking BEER with dog grooming."
JUST JEFF - "What? I'm not getting named today? But I wore my special undies."
LMAU about the Big Blue Cart Rides - "OOOOHHHH it vibrates."
SHOP TEACHER - "It's all fun and games until someone goes to the Emergency Room with a big blue cart sticking out of their ass."
JUST JEFF and MOMMY REAREST - JUST JEFF cums up from behind (old news) and grabs MOMMY REAREST's tits and says, "Where is you husband?" reply - "He's bringing up the rear." reply - "OOOHHHH, How absolutley perfect."
ON-OUT
ON-SEC
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#148 – Tacky Tourist

July 16, 2005
Hares: Wacky Slut and STFU No wait, STFU and Ethically Challenged No wait, EC and Shop Teacher Yeah, that's it.
Hounds: Short Straw, Goldie Licks, Just Puke, Dr. Anus, Kittylingus, Suck-u-Lator, Bike Bitch, Wild Oats, Little Fin, Happy Meal, Just Jeff, Ginger Snatch, Dick Sniffa, LMAU, Cock Tender, Dildo Stat, Mommy Rearest, Cockpit, Wood Liquor, Daddy's Lil Whore, Just Susan and Ass Packet.
Visitors: Big Rig, I.V.A. *69, Hanger Queen and Eat-A-Pus.
Virgins: Just Rick, Just Melody and Just Nansea.
4:00pm at The Straw Hat. Meet at 4:00 hares away at 4:30 I heard that somewhere. Arrival times; Hash Cash 4:25, GM 4:30, RA 7:15. We met, we mingled, we drank, we avoided spilling BEER on the pool tables. Everyone looked great in their tacky tourist getups. Except BIKE BITCH, he wears this shit to work. SHOP TEACHER started Chalk Talk but was quickly told to STFU. "We want to hear from our tour guide EC." Chalk talk included a birthday cake, a colorful peacock, a pink flaming O and road kill. A virgin was spotted stretching out before the big game. Everyone back inside for more AC. Hares away. On-On.
All of what I'm about to type is hearsay so it won't hold up in open court. Someone cleaned or could have cleaned their balls in a sprinkler. JUST NANSEA saw organ donors on trail. In that I mean, bikers without helmets. Trail went South from The Straw Hat and down to the 7-11. Checking. Over to a Which Way and a Photo Op of a cool bumper sticker. An Alaskan fishing community uses the slogan, "A drinking village with a fishing problem." This was however, the wrong way. The trail led to Circle Ct. On the stop sign was a birthday cake and all hounds were instructed to sing or say Happy Birthday "F" You to CIRCLE BLOW. It was her actual birthday on Saturday. Around a bend to a Turley/Eagle split. Tacky Tour De Turkey led to mild shiggy and a very scenic path leading to the BEER check. Tacky Tour De Eagle led to a CB5 and then to the beach. Up the beach and in to the BEER Check. Past a burned out house and a giant Hallmark Card to a quaint little park. BEER and water aplenty. Feral cats ran rampant as did the feral cat shit. Did anyone find the $100 dollar bill I had hidden under the cat turd? No. Too bad. I'll have to remember to go back and get that. Hares away. On-On.
Here's where thing get a little quirky. A little trickaration had been planned here. The CB14 had been pre-laid and SHOP TEACHER was to hide under the boardwalk until the hounds had passed by and then run off in the other direction. However, SUCK-U-LATOR and DICK SNIFFA came out to the end of the boardwalk to look at the ocean. In effect trapping SHOP TEACHER on the beach with nothing but his chalk stick in his hand and the now charging hound pack quickly approaching. What do you expect though, if you take old people to the beach they're going to want to look at it. Even though it hasn't changes much since they first saw it in the mid- twenties. There was some lie about shiggy and pre-laid trails. But it's all good, the Hare was snagged. CB14 on the beach leading back to the same quaint little park. Away from the cat shit and around the corner. Did I mention Hare snagging before? Well, this was the king of Hare snaggings. STFU's car conked out and even with SHOP TEACHER and EC trying to pop the clutch (insert euphemism of choice here) it was a no go. Actually it was an old Toyota. But here cum the hounds so I gotta go and I gotta go now. Hounds go through a big S curve through a peacock menagerie. This led out to an intersection and a check. On the corner was this low life, scum bag, flea bitten, bottom of the barrel dive bar. I think it was called La Cunta. Trail went left to a trailer park and a make believe check using a dirty diaper. Another Turkey/Eagle split. Turkey trail went passed a Gnome Crossing and then met up with the Eagles and led out of the trailer park. Right to a check across the street, which was directionally marked in all directions according to SHORT STRAW. South on A1A to the pink flaming Os. On-In to the Extra Credit at Fairvilla. I have no idea what kind of store this is but I'm sure you were all dirty dirty hashers. I'm sure EC was a great tour guide through the shop. I think she has stock in the company. On-On or just passing by....
On-In to Manatee Park and the end of the trail. Behind a crop of trees facing the setting sun. Some manatees were even nice enough to show up for circle. However, when a bunch of half naked hashers jumped in, the manatees thought they smelled like humans and high flippered it out of there. We ate, we drank, we bitched about trail.
Circle up! Hares on ice; EC, STFU and SHOP TEACHER.
FRB's on ice; DR ANUS and DADDY'S LIL WHORE. FRB trophy goes from SHOP TEACHER to DADDY'S LIL WHORE. MOMMY REAREST in for trying to help DADDY'S LIL WHORE with his head gear.
While the DFLs got used to the temperature change SHOP TEACHER told a lovely story that took place while scouting trail earlier in the day. SHOP TEACHER and EC were in SHOP TEACHER's car at a corner pondering the pros and cons of Check -v- Which Way. An old couple from the neighborhood pulled up behind them and wanted to get through. SHOP TEACHER told EC to get out and make it a True Trail. EC gets out of the car wearing jean shorts and a bikini top. From the rear view mirror it is obvious from the looks the their faces that they think EC is a hooker getting left off after a trick.
DFLs on ice; HANGER QUEEN because he was busy buying a vibrator. But since he might not be back until JINGLE BALLS, the every hash DFL GOLDIE LICKS. The DFL trophy goes from SHOP TEACHER to GOLDIE LICKS.
Too long in between on ice: EAT-A-PUS.
Out of towners: I.V.A., *69 and BIG RIG.
Virgins on ice: JUST RICK, JUST MELODY and JUST NANSEA. Since JUST RICK found us on the internet...EC in circle. EC again because she forgot her head gear.
Accusations: ASS PACKET for showing up so late. LITTLE FIN just because the ladies wanted to see his ass.
Wanker names; DR ANUS, HANGER QUEEN, MOMMY REAREST and DADDY'S LIL WHORE.
Technology on trail; MOMMY REAREST, I.V.A., JUST NANSEA and ASS PACKET.
Lost property: LMAU had HAPPY MEAL's shirt from Slosh Ball, which HAPPY MEAL was more than happy to change into for us.
HUYA on ice: JUST JEFF. JUST JEFF got the HUYA for his YMCA face plant at the 4th Of July Pub Crawl. So in honor of this honor, JUST JEFF added a Village People CD to the HUYA.. There was only one good nomination and that was for the Hare that got beat by the tortoises because her car broke down on trail. She then went into the river in a white thong to try to catch a manatee. STFU gets the HUYA. Well, that's about it. for this week's trash please let me know if I've forgotten anything. PEACE!
OOOOOOHHHHHH. That's right. We had ourselves a naming today. JUST JEFF on ice if you please: I don't recall a more anticipated and name filled naming. For those of you who have been hiding in a cave in the middle east... let's review. JUST JEFF is a Registered Nurse in a Infectious Control Physicians office. He used to be a Penal Head Nurse. He can throat a BEER bottle. He's a Hasher Sexual, and he pitches and catches. Suggested names included; Boris Holout, Peppermint Pansy, Chasing Anus, Parking In The Rear, Bringing Up The Rear, Gag Me With Your Goo, Butter Pussy, Gerbil Freak, Fruit Filled Mancakes, Butt Plug, Amanda Huginkiss and Fluffer Nutter. ASS PACKET then asked JUST JEFF if he found any of these names at all interesting to which he replied, "Do You Think I'm FUCKING STUPID?"
Nough said. End of story. Welcum to the hash FUCKING STUPID.
Quotes:
SHOP TEACHER - "Please direct any positive feedback about trail to EC, I didn't change anything. And please direct any negative feedback about trail to EC, I didn't change anything."
DR ANUS - After visiting Fairvilla - " I want to join the battery of the month club."
SHORT STRAW to STFU - "If you're going to Auto Hare, get an auto that can hash."
JUST RICK - "We won...."
LMAU - "It's not about winning, it's about drinking."
JUST SUSAN - About the people in the burned out house - "Did they have to move?"
I.V.A. - "The last time I was on a Trail this long it had a PIM stop." Whatever the hell PIM is.
SHOP TEACHER - "Send in the helicopter, I'm trapped on the beach!"
ON-OUT
ON-SEC, Shop Teacher
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#149 – Survivor Island Hash

July 30, 2005
Hares: Ethically Challenged and Shop Teacher
Hounds: Goldie Licks, Short Straw, Dildo Stat, Erector Pad, Little Fin, Happy Meal, Suckulator, Wood Liquor, Crotch Duster, Cockpit, Banana Slit, Ginger Snatch, Fuckin' Stupid, Cock Tender, Just Susan, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Just Puke, Mommy Rearest, Rosey Palm Pilot, Dick Sniffa, Dr Anus, Kittylingus, Daddy's Little Whore, Hot Carl, Harry Cheeseballs and 14Kt Prick.
Visitors: Gilligan and Waay Beyond Gay.
4:00pm at Private Divers Sports Center. We met out back and visited with Anthony's (owner) mother. She wasn't too happy to see all of us. Anthony thought she and her RV would have been gone by then. We had Chalk Talk in the sand with a stick. Survivor style, that and KITTYLINGUS parked his truck over the original chalk. Everyone was told to keep their language to a minimum as to not disturb Norman Bates' mother. Meet at 4:00, hares away at 4:30.... Hares away. 4:39, 14KT PRICK shows up.
On-On. Through some shiggy and into a construction dump and a check. Towards the back and past a customized greeting card from the hares. Another check. Into the orange groves to a check and an early BEER Check. There had been some concern about not enough BEER stops in July hashes. EC treated the hounds to some liquid refreshments and live entertainment. Hares away.....Oops, the running hare was never there.
On-On. Around the corner for a long straight line. Well, not quite as long as it looked. GATORBAIT for the CB#11. Back everyone came to the optical illusion from the check. You saw nothing from the check but there were quite a few very visible plops if you were looking from the other direction. Along the roadway and past a false check to a real check. To the right along some orange trees. SHORT STRAW resisted the undeniable temptation to pick citrus, that would be Temptation Island and that is a completely different show. Trail came to a ditch and a True Trail. To the left along the ditch and then back to a roadway. Up along a pond, past a supply shed and to another BEER Check. More alcoholic imbibing.  The running hare isn't here either. He must be really worried about being snagged. Or, he just doesn't like you people.
On-On. True Trail point up the street toward the traffic light and another check. Across the street and South on SR 3. Into a cleared section of woods and a CB#13. JUST PUKE kindly waited for some other hounds to cum around the corn