2006 BVDH3 Hash Trash

161 | 162 | 163 | 164 | 165 | 165.5 | 166 | 167 | 169 | 168 | 170 | 171 | 172 | 173.69 | 174 | 175 | 176 | 177 | 180 | 181 | 181.5 | 183 | 184 | 185 | 186

Jan 14, 2006
Start:  The Cove in Satellite Beach
Hares:  Salad Shooter, Sniffah and Sir Flatulot…and if that wasn’t bad enough, then Dr. Anus got involved.
Note:  the hash was told this would NOT be a death march.  Uh-huh.
Pack:  I don’t know who was there.  No one sent me the list of names.  But you can look at Tender’s Hash Flash and try to remember the names that go with the faces…
The hares and hounds gathered at the Cove as instructed and began drinking beer while waiting for Chalk Talk (provided by Sir Flatulot and greeted by blank stares from most of the locals.  I heard many seasoned hashers warning our SEVEN virgins not to follow them because they’d never seen those marks before. )
Hares were away and we had a group grope in the parking lot.  Or was it the other way around?  While waiting for Walking Time, Shop Teacher spotted a flock of parrots in the trees.  I waited for the traditional Ginger Snatch porn-star squeal of the wild, but was disappointed.  She must have been busy being Hash Harlot behind one of those cars.
Time came to walk and off the pack went down A1A South.  We went just about an inch before we had a check.  We followed Skyline, got lost circling back into the Cove parking lot then found trail leading off behind a 7-11 wannabe.  The whole pack lost trail again and finally picked it up going along the cinderblock wall leading away from the store.
Trail continued to weave and waddle through the subdivision all around the Cove until it made its way back out to A1A South where it eventually led to what used to be Phoenix Restaurant (or so I am told).  Yay! It’s beer check number one!  Wait, number one?  You mean trail’s that long?!  Oh, wait…I mean, you mean we get that much beer?!
While at the beer check, numerous hashers used the advantage of a pair of rusted barrels alongside some trees to make space for more beer.  Little did we know (or notice) that trail led off through this very same convenient space.  About ½ the pack trudged through the pee pond while the other half took a safer route through the trees just a few yards away.
Trail led across a field then through a CVS drive–thru window.  I was tempted to ask for pain killers, since I knew I’d need them later.  I refrained and continued walking.
Trail continued onto Desoto Way with much more confusion for the pack.  We learned later that this was where Dr. Anus got involved.  He led the pack through a huge circle back cubed.  I don’t know how many it was—all I know is he had the pack spread out across about 4 square blocks trying to figure out where trail REALLY went.
During this episode, Goldie proved once again that she is a true blonde.  No, she did not remove her gorgeous blue sequin dress in the middle of the street.  However, she did stand in the middle of a busy intersection watching all the hounds look for trail.  While the males in the waiting cars did not seem to mind the interruption, the mousy housewives in minivans did not appreciate it at all.  Just Swallows and Banana Slit enjoyed it immensely.
Trail finally led to Jamaica Way and through some woods to Sunrise then Verbana, or the other way around, then to Beer Check number 2 in the woods.  Several hashers took refuge in the canal next to beer check.  I think they were really peeing down the side of it, and just turned to face the pack so it would look like they were paying attention.
After this beer check, a group of hounds gave up on following trail and hopped in the beer truck for a ride to circle:  LMAU, Way Beyond Gay, Dildo Stat, and Stumbelina.
Trail led back to A1A where Kittylingus “helped” Chicken of the Semen cross a fence. It worked out sort of the way it helps someone when you trip them.
We followed trail onto Ocean Street where it led to the Beach.  The boardwalk leading onto the beach said Beer Near and this harriette was greatly cheered by the words.
LIARS!
A short 50-mile trek along the beach brought us to another boardwalk that FINALLY led to the On-In at the Pelican Beach Club House, where we proceeded to have more beer and eat cheesy crunches because there were no cheesy poofs.
Circle was called by Ass Packet drawing a chalk circle on the deck.  The pack arranged itself into a loose amoeba shape in, on, and around this circle.
Cum Chumpa (aka Mrs. Cum) put on her beer goggles and suddenly everyone was much more attractive.
Circle:
Hares:  Sniffah, Salad Shooter, and Sir Flatulot.  Wait, why’s Dr. Anus in there?
What did you think of that trail?
No Blow:  Too much shiggy!
F*cking Stupid:  EWW, trail led through pee-pee!
Down-downs
RA down-down for head gear:  Ass Packet and No Blow.
FRB:  Just Don with demonstration by Dr. Anus
DFL:  Goldielicks and Does Down Drunk, joined by Ginger Snatch who had a private party in circle.
Out of Towners:  No Blow, Momma, Sir Flatulot, Salad Shooter, Gilligan, Way Beyond Gay, and Wild Oats
Technology in circle:  Ass Packet
Virgins:  Just Juanita, Just Melissa, Just John (2) and Just Don were all made to cum by Salad Shooter.  Be Small made Just Ken cum. Just Swallows made Just John (1) and Just Bill come by way of the web page.  (Sir Flatulot says he got to watch when Shooter made the girls cum.)
NAMING OF JUST BILL (not the virgin, the one we already had).
Info on the victim:  He’s a pilot, he sails and is former Navy.  His favorite barnyard animal (besides GD2) is a chicken, he flies for Southwest Airlines, he’s had flights delayed, he’s a member of the mile high club, and the first time he and GD2 had sex, they made a baby.
Runners up: The Little Fella’, No Frills Ride, Flying Semen, Cums with Peanuts, Can’t Get It Up, Pussy Pilot, Cums Around the
Cunt-ry, One Shot One Kill.
And the winner is:   Free Cunt Flyer
-January Birthdays:  Salad Shooter, Just Juanita, Just Melissa, Sniffah, Dr. Anus, and Shop Teacher.
-Wanker Names:  Salad Shooter, because none of her virgins would use her hash name.
-Too Long in between:  Kojak, Poon, Salad Shooter, Lollipop, Gilligan, Sir Flatulot, Stumbelina
Accusations:
Shooter for all the hashers she DIDN’T make cum, joined by Ass Packet, No Blow, Bike B*tch, Dr. Anus, Happy Meal and Sir Flatulot.
Kojak:  The Hash Horn is not blowing a horn.  (He tried to teach her but she needs a LOT of practice.  Volunteers?)
Flatulot for trying to accuse a Virgin of something
Cock Tender: the auto hash list
Kojak:  Lost property – Dr. Anus
Announcement:
Daytona Beach Bike Week is the first weekend of March and cutoff for special room rates is the end of January.
Kojak:  Perth, Australia is looking for support for their bid to host the 2008 World Interhash.  $25 now guarantees a slot and the lowest rate.  No you don’t get your money back if they lose their bid.
Swing Low!
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#162 – Trailer Park Tour of Merritt Island

Jan 28, 2006
Start: Big Lots parking lot, Merritt Island
Hares: Just Swallows and Cock Tender
Hounds: Ass Packet, Banana Slit, Chicken of the Semen, Circle Blow, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Dick Sniffah, Dildo STAT!, Dr. Anus, 14K Prick, F*cking Stupid, Ginger Snatch, Goes Down Drunk, Kittylingus, LMAU, Mommy Rearest, Shop Teacher, Just John (non-virgin), Ho Deep Ho
Virgin: Just John (a different Just John)
At Chalk Talk, we were informed we would be touring some colorful local trailer parks (Marked by TP# on trail) some of which may have once been occupied by our own lovely Just Swallows.
Hi-lights from trail:
Dying Pen #1, every other letter is half complete; the rest are invisible. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  I had to have my cat translate my notes.
On-Out behind Appliance Direct where Nana tried to convince the truck driver to give us a ride.  It was big enough in the back for the whole pack to fit. But they noticed Ho Deep Ho’s peanut can/beer vessel and thought we were too high-class for such transport.  We wandered across the back parking area to another street that passed between Crotchduster’s Ass Doctor’s office and some other building. What a perfect spot for a YBF without a check. Bend over and take another one Crotchduster!
We found true trail finally, leading straight off into some fine shiggy in the woods, leading out onto some un-signed road with a Caddy dealer. Here, we found a circle back 5.
Farther down this road 2 important things happened: 1) I finally connected the dots. Dildo and Sniffah left ahead of the rest of us and were probably the reason why the plops looked like arrows pointing away from where we were trying to follow trail. 2) Circle Blow hit the payload. I can’t remember what the payload was though. Must have been good—I don’t remember her sharing it.
Onward to 520 where we found True Trail and a Safety Crossing. We crossed 520 and turned onto LaJune where much entertainment was found by Ginger and AP when we crossed the Speed Hump. Then Nana found pussy on trail.  LMAU found a gathering of homeless people a small distance away and took their picture. I’m not sure if they were waving hello or some other sign… We decided it was safer to keep moving.
On we went to Palmetto. The runners arrived and quickly passed Nana. We arrived at…(drum roll)…Trailer Park #1!  This lovely attraction is located on (what is this word? Burrito Road? Oh, no, it’s) Burnwood. Well, either one would work. Down Burnwood, we passed the tropical version of Deliverance, followed soon after by the Trailer that Christmas Forgot. (Actually, they just forgot that Christmas had already passed and all their decorations were still proudly displayed.)
At the end of this road, trail led into a small wooded crossing into a back parking lot where to my joy and rapture, I found a YBF and all the rest of pack was long gone. I moved back into the trailer park to find myself being glared at by a woman in a nightshirt, with a stick in one hand and a cell phone and a cigarette in the other. I asked if she’d seen some people run through. “I shore did, and if’n I see ‘em agin, Im gonna hit ‘em with thishere stick.” It’s amazing how fast you find/make trail when necessary.
Once I found trail again, I found myself on Eileen. She didn’t seem to mind, so I stuck around for a while. (cum on Eileen…)  I found myself surrounded by kind strangers who looked eager to fill me with liquid spirits and relieve me of the cash I wasn’t carrying. They decided to entertain themselves by cheering me on my way. “You can do it! Keep your chin up!” I boldly asked (again) if anyone had seen a bunch of people run through. They pointed me into a field that led across into a parking lot and to my right I heard the lovely sound of beer being pulled from coolers. I popped a couple of short blows on my whistle and heard the gratifying sound of hashers calling back to me.
I found Beer Check in the back parking area of a Pawn Shop whose name I can’t read—not enough parts of letters to make it out. However I did know that our hares were acquainted with the kindly owner so I buddied up and asked if he sold pens. He went inside and brought out Dying Pen #2. This one actually lasted quite a bit farther than the first one.
At this point we discovered that we had been joined by Happy Meal and Little Fin, but we had lost Ho Deep Ho and her virgin Just John.
A few good quotes were obtained during Beer Check:
AP: “Shaved balls get licked more often.”
Shop: “If you teabag me, I will cum.”
Circle Blow: “I need more lotion!” (as she reached both hands down the front of her pants and scratched for all she was worth. Then she realized what Nana was writing and a chase ensued.)
Nana: “I gave LMAU’s brown baby Shaken Baby Syndrome from carrying it on my ass.”
The hares left and the pack waited about 30 seconds before we left as well. Trail led back out to 520, but we soon lost it in the parking lot of Caraba’s. It could also have been the delicious aromas assailing our noses that made it so hard to concentrate. Several of us almost forgot trail completely.
We found a check at McLeod and followed it onto Merritt Ave. where LMAU and Sniffah found a shopping cart. Sniffah climbed in and LMAU proceeded to drive her through a large part of trail. Trail continued onto Pernell then to Tangerine. Sniffah and LMAU missed a perfect photo op at the Go Travel sign.
Onward to Trailer Park #2 where some local chick wandered down the street zipping her pants. This trailer park also sported a pickup truck complete with a fishing pole sticking out of the passenger seat with its line strung out so it attached to the antenna. Now that’s a pimped up ride. I want me one of them. Leaving this cozy haven, trail led out onto Tropical Trail (away from Cock Tender’s home—we must not be good enough for him) and around to Myrtice and Rose. This was a hard-hat zone and none of us had any, so we followed trail instead.
On Rose, there was a marking for “OLD TP #3” which I took to mean that there once had been a trailer park here. If there was still one there, I don’t know where they hid the trailers. On out to 520 again where a hooker shoe pointed the way across traffic (without a safety). Ginger Snatch and I marveled at the dangerous trail and steeled ourselves for a panic run out into traffic. Waiting in the middle of the turn lane, I heard Ginger squealing a full-blast porn squeal on her way up next to me as a turning vehicle, distracted by the adorable bouncing boobies, nearly ran her over. Try to remember—she was wearing sketti-strap tank tops over those monsters. Oh—and she had two baby-dolls strapped to her waist. Wouldn’t YOU be distracted?
On across 520 (finally and in one piece) we found a toilet seat to help guide us around the bend. Once around the bend we discovered a few other hashers meandering around looking for trail. Apparently no one believed the mark Kittylingus left. Probably because no one wanted to follow trail (marked with TP) into the woods. Maybe that was because they knew it was a Homeless Homeland. This was perhaps the most treacherous segment of trail. It was also the end of trail.  And the hares weren’t there yet. Hmmm…
Pack milled about smartly while our security (Not the Daddy) maintained an uneasy peace with the locals. Not the Daddy caved to the feminine wiles of yours truly and provided a sword for the continuance of my mission. (I asked for a pen that wouldn’t die and he gave me one. And it didn’t die!)
The hares eventually showed up in Cock Tender’s car. Thinking we were all distracted by this event, Mommy Rearest decided to do a strip tease and change her shirt. Shop tried to run up to help but someone spoiled the fun and warned her. *%%^*&
Hi-lights from Circle:
Hares:  Just Swallows and Cock Tender on the ice for a nice long time!
What did you think of that trail?
Where was the Extra Credit?
FRB: Dr. Anus
DFL: Just John (Someone laid peanuts on the ice. It did not look right.)
Accusations: AP and Circle Blow for CB's comment that she never has to sit on the ice because she’s dating the RA. While they sat (for an amazingly long time)
Dr. A took some time for the pack to make several announcements:
-Bike Week March 3-5, might be the last one
-Fourth Anal Stupor Bowl Party to be held at Happy Fin residence
-St. Patty’s day hash is on the 18th. We will have regular trails on the 11th and 25th, and Dr. A and Puke will hare the St. Patty’s Day Hash.
-Mardi Gras.
-Tampa Red Dress—anyone who wants to can ride with Kitty.
-Camp Run Amuck
Dr. A finally let AP and CB off the ice and returned circle to AP
-January Birthdays: Cockpit as stand in for Dead Dog Walking, Shop (with a panty liner on his leg from Cockpit), Sniffah, Dr. A, Circle Blow and Goes Down Drunk.
-Wanker Names: Goes Down Drunk, Ginger (with background music provided by the shouting homeless people)
-Too Long In Between: 14 K Prick. Cock Tender joined him in circle for having a private party.
HUYA nominations: Currently held by Happy Meal
-AP for being a dumbass
-Circle Blow for her confession about the ice
(Not the Daddy had to put some wup-ass on some of the locals)
-The winner is: AP for being a dumbass!
-False Accusation: Kitty for saying FS had head gear—it was a flower.
-No Hash Attire caused Anarchy to erupt. Then AP and Dr. A drank.
(A homeless guy got down on his knees—fighting? Puking? Praying? Possibly crying because we didn’t share any beer or wine with him. Whatever…)
-Everyone who ever lived in a trailer was called in next. The people who did NOT go into circle were: Goes Down Drunk, Chicken of the Semen, FS, Ginger, Mommy Rearest, LMAU, 14K, and Dildo. You know how the “drink it down” part of song goes away when too many people are in circle? Yeah.
Swing Low!
Ona fter was held as some grub place where LMAU asked everyone if they had ever "Tossed a Salad". We love it when she learns something new!  After harassing the redneck waitresses, we meandered down to the tackiest titty bar… in a strip mall of all things.  Poor girls had to pay for their own music.  Ok, enough of that… we're off to the Rainbow Room!  14k Prick was scared (as he should be, cute little thing) and made LMAU go potty with him for safety.  Much beer and a drag show… the end!
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#163 – Hash Luv Lu-u-uv

Feb 11, 2006
Start:  Weustoff something or other medical thing, Viera
Hares:  Shop Teacher and Ginger Snatch
Pack:  EatAPuss, Happy Meal, Little Fin’, Just Puke, F’ Stupid, Just Swallows, Cock Tender, Cooter Pie, Dr. Anus, Nana (late)
Virgin:  We were all virgins…before the hash started!
Chalk Talk? What chalk talk?  I was sound asleep with a cat on my lap.
Hi-lights from trail:
Since I missed the fist half of trail, I am dependant upon my fellow hounds (who were more alert and showed up on time) to fill me in.  The only detail provided to me, because it was the only detail that stood out in the minds of the pack, was “A F*CKING GOOSE ATTACKED US AND LITTLE FIN’ SAVED US ALL!”  I’m told the rescue was delivered the way you see in movies when the meaner-than-piss cowboy shoots out a hand and catches the rattle snake in mid-strike.  Very exciting and sorry I missed it.
I think there may have been some grumbling about trail marks or something but I ignored them because my chest was on FIRE after a shot of CINNAMON HELL!  That was good stuff though (whatever it was really called), and it was nicely mellowed by the cookies.  Oh yeah! The rest of the pack doesn’t know about the cookies yet.  SHHHH.
So that was the EC, where I caught up with the hares, and thankfully did NOT catch them having sex.
Trail left the hidden love nest behind some big church with a pointy steeple, and cleverly disguised itself as unmarked pavement through the parking lot and on across the street and into the woods. (Over the river and through the woods…)  In the woods we found BEER CHECK and there was much rejoicing (and a little wimpy wussy whining about the possibility of getting wet—and not in the panties.)
I have some vague memory of standing around on a street corner with a bunch of people in red and black trying (not) to get hit by all the passing cars.  Oh, and then we found some trail.  Across Murrell into a subdivision with an absolutely fabulous paved trail that wound between the homes and the wilderness.  Amazing how a simple sidewalk can keep THE WILD at bay.  Well, except for those kids doing their “bird watching” with sling shots.
We found another BEER CHECK, and various and sundry hounds found ways to foul trail.  There was quite a bit of hub-bub when Cock Tender decided to take a photo of Just Swallows using the bush.
A family of civilians came towards us, got scared, smiled and backed away slowly, so we decided to disband from our BEER CHECK and carry on with trail. Nana picked up the bag with the remaining ice and beer and started off down the sidewalk with the rest of the pack in tow.  Eventually the runners started running again, and Dr. A decided to run with the bag of beer. I noticed he ditched the excess ice.
Coming around the curve, we found a swing set with “NO!” and an arrow pointing straight to it in lovely pink chalk.  So naturally, Happy Meal did her GM’ly duty and got on the swing.  I hope there are pictures of that, Cock Tender! At this point trail disappeared.  We searched a 100 mile radius and finally discerned the hares must have lit off through the underbrush and come out the other side of the wild.  Following along blindly, I found myself circling a pretty little man-made pond/lake thingie.  On the far edge was an incline with “PP” spelled out in a heart and pointing up the hill.  I decided to follow this even though the pack was getting farther ahead of me (who said…)  I went up the hill and found exactly what I expected. Pee. Back down the hill and catch up with the pack.
Somewhere along the way, the runners decided to hike left, and for some reason or other, the pack decided to follow them.  Go figure.  And being the lazy ass I am, I followed the pack.  We traveled for hundreds of miles with no marks in sight, through a long, wide alley between two neighborhoods.  If we were in the Bronx, I would have thought it was a war zone, but we were in Mayberry so I decided it was a party zone.  Except for the big sewer entrance in the middle, it was perfect for a neighborhood fair or something.  But no, it was left un-built so it could be turned into a road. Whatever. I guess Viera needs another road.
Back across Murrell, we found Little Fin’ waving us onward.  Thinking we must be near the end (but certainly not on trail since we hadn’t seen a mark in forever), we crossed the street and found more hashers. Just Puke was standing next to a blood mobile or something taking a wiz when we approached.  On around the back of the building there was THE END!  We found our illustrious hares, Shop Teacher and Ginger Snatch ready for us with BEER and COOKIES (I can say it now) and GOODY CUPS.  Oh, and there was an ice block on the ground all prepped and ready for our tender tushies.
Hi-lights from Circle:
-Hares:  Shop Teacher and Ginger Snatch
-What did you think of that trail?
-“Quack Quack”  EatAPuss
-“Go down, Take down…Whatever.”  Just Puke
-FRB:  Dr. Anus, Cooter Pie, and Just Puke
-DFL:  Little Fin’ and Happy Meal
-Too Long in Between:  Cooter Pie and EatAPuss
-Accusations:
-Overachieving:  Just Puke and EatAPuss  (F*cking Stupid joined them but I can’t remember why.)
-No theme/hash attire:  Just Puke and EatAPuss
-Whistle Check:  EatAPuss and Cooter Pie
-Happy Meal called in Ginger Snatch for NEW SHOES, which she blithely explained on trail that it was all Shop Teacher’s idea, so he came in circle too.  It was messy but fun to watch.
-Late cummer:  Nana
-The best accusation, quote and hi-lite from trail must be quoted directly from the Hash Trash Notebook:
“So, I have Nana’s notebook due to chance of rain…  Note to self (& the Hash now) sex on trail ROCKS  J  I will so be having it again…   AWWWW YEAHHHH.  J”
(That was Ginger Snatch, by the way, and her fellow perpetrator was Shop Teacher.  They happily drank for their crime.  Show offs.)
More stuff happened and more drinking happened and an on-after was arranged, but I don’t remember any of it.  I’m sure it was all great.
Swing Low!
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#164 – Party Gras

Feb 25, 2006
Start: Applebees in Merritt Island, out back in the tiki bar
Hares: Cock Tender and Little Fin
Pack: Banana Slit (Nana), Be Small, Cockpit, Dick Sniffah, Dildo STAT, 14kt Prick, Goes Down Drunk (GD2), Happy Meal, Just Swallows, Lite My Ass Up (LMAU), Uncle Pervy, Just Bill, Just John; visiting from Fort Eustis Cow Poker; almost late Wayyy Beyond Gay (showed up during chalk talk)
Virgin: Just Charles and Just Jessica (Uncle Pervy’s baby girl)
Chalk Talk: out in the parking lot where few passing family-type groups would be likely to see the lovely illustrations of our hares
Hi-lights from trail:
Trail exited the parking lot of Applebees and headed left (east?) onto 520 and stayed that way for a very long time. Along the way, LMAU and Cockpit found a half-demolished wedding banner and debated the fun they could have with it.
A long time after that (OK it was only a couple of blocks), we turned left into a Wal-Mart parking lot and followed trail along what I think was the western edge merging off into the woods and navigating a treacherous clit crossing. Deeper into the woods, we found what can only be described as the orangutan shaving grounds. Someone tried to tell me this was debris from fallen palm trees, but I didn't believe them.
Farther into the woods we had to take our chances with angry teen boys who didn’t want us in their territory. Be Small wooed them into submission and they left us alone while we attended BEER CHECK in the woods. If I’d known how long it would be until my next beer, I would have had a lot more at check.
During check, 14kt demon-straighted his own wood. Someone should buy that fellow an athletic cup or a barrel or something.
Leaving check, we wandered through the woods until we came to some unknown road that led to Banana River Road (I love that there’s a river named for me,I always loved the water).
At the corner of Banana River and Phyllis, Sniffah decided to pick up a strange man parading as a hasher. It didn’t work though; one look at the other men in the group and he ran in terror. (I think 14kt must have been demonstrating his wood again.)
Somewhere along Phyllis we found a BVD favorite: Speed Hump! The first one was attended by LMAU and Cockpit with a little mousey woman peeking out of her curtain. Im sure in the background she was screeching Hey, Abner! Get me my headache medicine!  We also found a True Trail leading into a cul de sac, but I dont think anyone took the bait.
We turned onto Captains Way (lurch, lurch, shuffle, shuffle, crawl) where we found two more speed humps. One of them was marked Hump Me. Nana chose this as a viable spot to advertise for her continuing search for a sugar daddy and she posed for the camera. Onward we traveled to Jacaranda Street. Interesting, I dont remember moving into a house on Merritt Island, but there it was: Nanas House. It looked a little tame for my style. No pool, no pool boy in tight white shorts, no garden, no gardener in tight jeans, no work out room, no personal trainer in tight spandex  You get the picture.
Farther down the road, Cockpit and Nana found the dangerous part of traila writhing snake pit in the middle of this deceptively quiet neighborhood. I felt like I was in the Raiders of the Lost Ark trapped under the desert and surrounded by deadly snakes. It was horrifying.
Ok, so it was one little black snake that had been mushed and its insides were part of its outsides. But it was still scarey!
Onto Hannah Drive and out past the ritzy Fortenberry section of town. Cock Tender must moonlight there a lot. Im pretty sure he must eat Fortenberries at least once a day. Stay clear of them when theyre just past ripe!
There was a NOT safety crossing from the Fortenberry side of the road off into the woods. It was noted by some that our hares were trying to make us resemble the mushed snake a few blocks back. But we all made it across in spite of the dangerous traffic crossing and down into the woods to what we hoped was either the end or at least another beer check. (Those Fortenberries make you really thirsty.)
We ventured down into a gaping cavern that had a swiftly flowing river at the bottom. With the help of our boyscouts, MOST of us managed to cross safely. Dildo however was the first casualty, sinking up to her thighs in nasty, icky mud. Well, OK the boyscouts missed her, but once they dug her out, they went about the process of creating a passable crossing for the rest of us. Id give you credit guys, but that part of my page seems to have had some sort of ick splatted on it. Well have to depend on Hash Flash to show us who you were. Oh, yeah, its not out there yet
After a successful crossing of the treacherous river, Nana got some wood in the woods and stopped complaining about being thirsty for 30 seconds or so. Leaving the site of sogginess, pack continued left onto a trail that followed the (northern?) side of some body of water that followed along that road with the Fortenberries. This path lasted at least 20 miles before it wrapped back around and actually met with the road. Again, we thought we had found either the end or a beer check, but no. It was a nice little man with his own beer cooler just out doing some fishing. There was a brief debate about conking him on the head and taking his beer, but everybody else thought it was fish in the cooler. I finally dropped the subject.
We trudged on westward on whatever that road was and crossed a bridge that Just Swallows said would lead us back to start. We eventually despaired, not having seen a plop or any other trail indication in quite some time. None of us were really willing to go all the way back to the water to find where the trail was lost. So LMAU pulled her technology out and called one of the hares to find out where the F* circle was.
Eventually we figured it out, and Just Charles ran ahead to get his truck and take the tired hashers to their auto-hashing end.
Hi-lights from Circle:
-Hares: Cock Tender and Little Fin
-What did you think of that trail?
- Duck Shit Land Slide 14kt
- More Beer. Less Walking Uncle Pervy
-FRB: 14kt and Sniffah
-DFL: Happy Meal and Uncle Pervy
-FBI: GD2
-Too Long in Between: 14kt, Cockpit, GD2 and Uncle Pervy (I think Cockpit was actually drinking for a private party, though.)
-Visitor: Cow Poker was brought in for being an out-of-towner.  Hes from Nanas home hash, but they never hashed together.  Well, not until here anyway.
-Accusations:
-Private Party: Cockpit, Little Fin, and Wayyy
-Matching Hash attire: Cock Tender and Little Fin (and LF got almost naked, which was ni-i-i-ce)
-Lost Property: Wayyy called in LMAU for her lost lipstick canister.
-Little Fin was called in for something else, but I can’t remember what. All I can remember is the comment from Happy Meal: Happy Meal sleeps with Little Fin and he was on the ice.
-Not the Daddy was called in for not being at the hash, but showing up at circle.
-Wanker Names: LMAU drank for accusing her virgin (hee hee)
-Technology: Just Swallows, LMAU, and Cock Tender
-Late cummer: Wayyy
-During accusations, I found myself remembering a tidbit entered in my notebook by Ginger Snatch from the last hash. To review:
So, I have Nana's notebook due to chance of rain. Note to self (& the Hash now) sex on trail ROCKS.  JS: I will so be having it again. AWWWW YEAHHHH!
As I remembered this, I thought, EWWW! Thank G the hares THIS WEEK didn't fess up to something like that! The visuals are just too disturbing.
~ Swing Low!
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#165 – Puke's Birthday

Mar 11, 2006
Start: Shady Oaks Bar at Malabar and Babcock
Hares: Just Puke and Dr. Anus
Pack: Chicken of the Semen, Goes Down Drunk (GDD), Lite My Ass Up (LMAU), In My Mouth (IMM), Million Buck F*ck (MBF), Harry Cheeseballs, Kittylingus, 14kt Prick, Slow Poker, Shop Teacher, Cock Tender, Just Swallows, Banana Slit (Nana), Just Kathy, Dildo Stat and Who Flung Poo.
Chalk Talk: Prior to the start of Chalk Talk Nana kneeled before Puke and sang Happy Birthday to his pee-pee. Then chalk talk was given by Kittylingus, wearing a Triathlon T-shirt in an attempt to scare us walkers out of doing trail. He then announced this was NOT the Triathlon trail and left the rest to the real hares.
Hi-lights from trail:
After the hares left, announcing we should give them 10 minutes, we milled about in the bar drinking more beer. Right after someone announced 5 minutes to walking, 4 pitchers showed up on our table, so we decided that it would take at least another 10 minutes to get through it all.
Finally through with this extra treat, the walkers left, heading westward(ish) through the parking lot towards Babcock.
On across Babcock, we found a series of checks that led us in various directions around a lot full of outdoor decorations. There were gnomes (but no BB), scary psychedelic frogs, and horny raccoons displaying their wares for the pack. Trail finally led behind this fantastic display, and off into the woods, then out again onto Thor Ave., where we eventually found a beer check.
Notes didnt get taken from the beer check until we reached the on-in, but the gist of it is this: There were cops (enough of that already!), wooden ducks, and future gay men of America along the way. (We thought of FS) and the valuable tips he could be giving these up and cumming adolescents.
We found circle behind the Waffle House on some road or other that I can’t read.
Hi-lights from Circle:
-Hares: Puke had a tantrum and destroyed the ice block, so we took ice from the beer cooler and put it in the chair, then left him there a long time.
-What did you think of that trail?
- MBF Not enough cops on trail!
- Nana F*ck you, you f*cking f*cks!
-Cock Tender was sort of turned on by the big Brunhilda cop lady.
-IMM Trail was bipolar. It either had no marks at all or had so many that there was no doubt where we were going.
-Just Kathy Bad Start Good End (sounds like a Chinese love story)
-Dildo Liked the cop. SHE was a MALE.
-GDD Not enough uneven terrain.
-Who Flung Poo Redundant
-Chicken Not enough things to climb on.
-Kitty There were plenty of opportunities to climb on stuff, you just take advantage of them.
-14kt Did you like the low budget strippers I hired to act as cops?
-FRB: Shop and Harry
-DFL: Who Flung Poo
-Too Long in Between: IMM, MBF, Chicken, Harry, Kitty, Shop, Dr. A, and Puke.
-Mardi Gras Wankers: Puke, IMM, MBF, Kitty, Chicken, and Shop. These lucky bastards not only had a great time, but they came back with a new song. My name is Jack. I hope someone remembers it well enough to put it out on the list for everyone to learn.
-Daytona Bike Week Road Whores: Dr. A, Tender, LMAU, and Swallows.
-Accusations:
-Red Shirts: Dildo, LMAU, Nana, and GDD
-Triathlon Shirts: Kitty, Puke and Dr. A.
-14kt was called in for No Hash Attire (and still no undies. We need to take up a collection and buy that fella some drawers!)
-Puke, Dr. A and Kitty drank for March birthdays.
-Wanker Names: LMAU, Puke, Chicken, and GDD.
-MBF and IMM drank for something about Hawaii, and were joined by Shop, Who Flung Poo, Chicken and Nana. (I think Nana was drinking because they were singing the Na-Na song.)
-Beer Abuse: (A rather long list I must say) GDD, Kitty, Dr. A., Puke, LMAU, IMM, Dildo, and Nana (I really dont remember abusing any beer, but that’s what my notes say, so)
-JS called in the hares for not posting the trail info until 2 days prior to the run.
-Nana was called in for being overheard to say I can’t even read what I’m writing anymore, and for not knowing what she was drinking for.
A warning was given to all to take it easy on our livers because we would be beating the hell out of them on St. Pattys day. Well, duh.
Swing Low!
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#165.69 – St. Patty's Day Pube Crawl

Mar 18, 2006
Start: St. Patty’s parade grounds, Melbourne?
Hares: Just Puke and Dr. Anus
Pack: Anal Amplifier (Lost Hares), Ass Packet, Banana Slit, Be Small, Bike Bitch, Blonde on Top (Space Coast), Can’t Get Laid, Chicken of the Semen, Circle Blow, Cock Tender, Cockpit, Daddy’s Little Whore, Dick Sniffah, Dildo-STAT!, Eatapus, 14kt Prick, Ginger Snatch, Goes Down Drunk, Happy Meal, Harry Cheezballs, Hoosier Daddy (Space Coast), Just Swallows, Kittylingus, Lite My Ass Up, Little Fin, Moaner Boner (Space Coast), Mommy Rearest, Mullet (Space Coast), Poon Twang, Shop Teacher,  Slow Poker (Space Coast), S-Wax (Space Coast), Suckulater, Uncle Pervy, Wild Oats (BVD by injection),  No-fucking-hash-names: Just Alan, Just Brian, Just Cathy, Just Charles, Just David, Just Jeff, Just Larry, Just Linda
Virgins: Kyong Le, Larry
Latecummers: Ass Squealer, Kill Whitey
Visitors:
JaxH3- 1
Gainesville H3 – 2
DBH3 – 6
Orlando H3 – 13
Total: 71
Hi-lights from trail and circle (all in a piece because I just can’t sort this out any better than that today):
All that really cums to mind about the parade itself is this:  LMAU displaying her pretty green panties to anyone walking behind the fire truck; Bike Bitch with his sword going up (unknown hasher)’s ass; Wild Oats displaying an amazing ass and pair of legs adorned by pretty lacy panties. So far, I have not seen a picture of that second one. We’ve all seen pictures of the first and last, but no one’s complaining (including Hash Trash). The rest of my memories about the parade revolve around trying to keep not-too-bright mothers from dragging children into the street in front of a moving fire truck to get beads.
The actual trail and circle began after the parade in a little park with a little natural dais built in the middle as if the developers KNEW hashers would do circle on it. So we did. Circle, I mean; not Circle Blow. Not that we didn’t want to…
Ass Packet got circle started by calling in the Hares, Dr. Anus and Puke. Since Puke just had a birthday, he also called in all March birthdays.
This was followed by thanking No Blow for providing such a fine (and jerry-rigged) machine for us to display (ourselves) to the crowd. Since No Blow is a teacher, all teachers were called in. Joining him (of what I can remember) were Just Swallows, Mommy Rearest, Wild Oats. I know there were more, including some from our visiting groups. Unfortunately I had already retrieved my buzz from the night before at Daytona, so I didn’t catch your names. You all have my deepest respect, though. Really.  What did you say your name was? Oh, and can you leave by 11 so my (boyfriend/girlfriend) won’t see you?
All visitors were called in next, which was quite a bit of the crowd. I always have to laugh when a big group goes in for a down-down. When you get to the “down-down” part of the song, it almost disappears because everyone’s drinking.
Trail got started and we wandered through the park and along the water, passing a restaurant or something that had an on-on foot on the sidewalk with no “On-On” in it.
First beer check was at Main St. Bar. Highlights: Alcohol Abuse, Cockpit. Divorce down-down, DLW. SWAX quote, “I need my beer!” Poon Twang quote, “Thank you.” (After Nana rubbed a booby all over his fuzzy punkin head. (Note for Dildo: Mainstreetpubcc. I have no idea what that is about but my notebook says “Give to Dildo.” So, I did.)
On-Out past a sign that advertised “The Big Squeeze,” an idea I hold very close to my ass, I mean boob, I mean heart. Yeah, I mean heart. Then my buzzy head was greatly confused by an intersection sign that read “Melbourne” in both directions. One was an Ave and the other was a Blvd, I think. Either way, I know for a fact I would get f*cked up trying to navigate that. Good thing I had a trail (and a big-ass pack) to show me the way. Somewhere along the line, GD2 and Happy Meal overheard a non-hasher praying to the gods of wind on seeing our lovely short-skirted harriettes. “Blow Winds, Blow!” I think it was about the females anyway. He could have been looking at Limp Dick, though.
Shortly after this, Kittylingus and Chicken of the Semen were caught surfacing from a round of Dingy Diving. Under the pressure of being caught in the act, well after it anyway, Kitty blurted out a confession to distract the press from the real issue. It seems this would be his last RESIDENTIAL hash with BVD because he’s decided to head on-out to live where his favorite chicken nugget lives. But he’ll still keep his duties as Hare Raiser.
Slow Poker felt a little frisky and f*cked Limp Dick’s shoes right off, and then as a coup-de-grace, he blew Nana! The civilians watching from the safety of their patio were highly impressed, and a little jealous, too, I think.
Dildo decided she was too sexy for her skirt and extended her slit (not Nana Slit, skirt slit) up to just about the waist band. Hot Mama!
On out of the beer check, Just Swallows decided to sow her Wild Oats on the bridge.
Next beer stop: Indian River Brew Company. Awesome location! Special thanks to Eulan Middlebrooks for hooking us up. (I’m not sure I have that right, since, well I was drinking when I got his name.) Numerous pictures were taken of folks doing the crazy things we do when prying eyes can’t see. Some of them have even been out on the list! Ok, a lot of them have. It took a while to finish translating this.
Nana got Oats and Mommy involved in a nice game of “Bend over in front of men and pick things up off the floor.” I think the men really enjoyed that game.
One of several Boob-Offs occurred, this one with Mammaries, Sherry Poppins, Dildo, and Nana. Mammaries won. (Of course. DUH!) Then, in a reversal of expectations, Wild Oats sowed Shop Teacher.
I think there may have been a circle but I’m really not clear on that anymore. My last note of a bar says “On-In? On Tap.” Then I have a couple of scrawls about Limp Dick’s 5-Star Penis, Ginger eating Mommy’s snatch, and a quote from Happy Meal in reference to Suckulator, “It’s like a gerbil or something in there.”
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#166 – Suck Ass Trail

Mar 25, 2006
Start: Long Doggers, Satellite Beach
Hares: LMAU and Dildo Stat! (14k Prick was supposed to hare, but he blew his wad, I mean rod.)
Pack: Banana Slit, Be Small, Cockpit, Cock Tender, Daddy’s Little Whore, Dick Sniffa, Eatapus, Goes Down Drunk, In My Mouth, Just Swallows, Million Buck Fuck, Mommy Rearest, Rosie Palm Pilot, Shop Teacher
After a very brief chalk talk (no virgins) the hares headed off around behind the building to wait for the beer meister who apparently couldn’t meister the energy to make it to the hash on time. (Thanks for finally cumming, Puke.)
Once we had beer for trail, the pack headed off into the parking lot and behind the building next door, into the woods and directly into a YBF…with no check to go back to. Hmmm…
(Cockpit, remember you gave Puke beer money.)
Emerging from the checkless YBF, pack wandered towards suburbia and wound through Wilson, Sheridan, and Magnolia, passing countless Sherbet colored homes. Somewhere around Grant Ave., we crossed A1A where a ticked off soccer mom tried to run over Nana.
Trail went out onto the beach and around back onto A1A a little while later. Oh, wait. That’s what PACK did. Trail did something else entirely, but I don’t have any idea what.
On along the real trail on A1A, we found a beer check in the back room of the VFW hall. On out from there, we followed the trail we already did, backwards this time, back into suburbia, behind the Beachside Grill where we found another beer check. Yay!
Trail led from there to Avacado, then to Roosevelt. IMM, MBF, and Cock Tender took a shortcut across a driveway.
Trail was pretty tame the rest of the way to circle, winding through suburbia, and on back to the check that wasn’t there behind Long Doggers.
Circle with guest RA, Cock Tender:
-Hares: LMAU and Dildo Stat!
-What did you think of that trail?
-Most of the pack:  It sucked!
-Nana: The hares gave us exactly what they promised.
-FRB: Be Small
-DFL: Nana
-January Birthdays: Salad Shooter, Just Juanita, Just Melissa, Sniffah, Dr. Anus, and Shop Teacher.
-Wanker Names: Mommy Rearest, Rosie Palm Pilot, Eatapuss, and Cockpit.
-Too Long in between: IMM, MBF
-False Accusations:
-Cockpit: No Hash Attire
-Sniffah: March Birthdays
-Dumbass down-downs:
-Be Small, Rosie: Head gear
-Cock Tender, Just Swallows, Mommy Rearest, LMAU, Cockpit: No whistle
-Dildo Stat!: Blood on trail
-DLW, GD2, Shop Teacher: Wrong Long Doggers
-Rosie, DLW, Eatapus: Private Party
~ Swing Low!
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#167 – Trail of Fire /aka Biblical Survival Hash

Apr 8, 2006
Start: Long Doggers, Melbourne
Hares: Little Fin and Goes Down Drunk
Pack: Ass Packet, Banana Slit, Cock Tender, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Daddy’s Little Whore, Dildo-STAT!, Dr. Anus, Fireindahole, Fucking Stupid, Ginger Snatch, Happy Meal, Just Cathy, LMAU, Rosie Palm Pilot, Shop Teacher
(Note: Since I was by myself for the part of trail I actually did, I only have what happened to me. I’m sure lots of great stuff happened to the rest of pack, but no one filled me in, so this is all you get today.)
Chalk talk was mostly a wasted effort on the part of this hasher (I saw very little of it), but the rest of the pack paid attention and made the usual assumptions from it. The hares were blessed and off they went. Little did any of us know…
Once the hares were out, I realized I had left My hash vessel in her truck and went back to get it. On my return, the walkers were leaving the restaurant parking lot, heading west on Post Road. I slipped in to use the toilet one last time before hitting trail and came out to find that the runners had left too.
Following along like a true hasher, I found that it crossed Wickham Road and went on past the Publix shopping center into a check…which no one had marked to indicate which way it went. (Hint) Scouting out the possibilities, I discovered the pack at the far end of the shopping center, turning back out towards Wickham.
Hoping to catch them, I short cutted through the lot and followed out onto Wickham headed North onto some gargantuan church lot.
Part I of the Biblical Survival portion of trail.
Hoping to catch up with the pack before the beer check, I picked up my pace and stepped onto the church lot. At that exact moment a large beetle flew into my face. In my notebook, I noted “Nana: Plague of Locusts in the Church Yard. They’re onto me!”
I brushed it off and continued trying to catch up with the pack. I made it across the grass without further incident and saw pack move into the shiggy on the northern edge of the property. I continued to follow and eventually found where they entered the woods.
I crossed through some palmettos and found a series of trails. Choosing a direction (because once again, pack did not mark where they went…HINT), I made off eastward along the trail when suddenly I met up with my second plague. I feel certain the church yard had a lot to do with it. (IMM this is what LMAU was talking about.) Before I could do anything about it, an attack of diarrhea hit me and I was suddenly crouching in the bushes feeling the wrath of all that is holy (or not).
Finally relieved of my newest plague, I continued on my search for pack. Deciding I needed to go west instead of east, I turned back past the check and found myself following along a fence at the edge of the woods. I found a high spot on top of a stack of truck tires and tried again to locate pack. I whistled, but only birds replied. Thinking they might be worried I took out my cell phone and started dialing what hash numbers I had. No one answered.
Thinking about what had just happened, and not knowing where trail was going, I decided it was time to turn back towards start. I headed back through the church yard, hoping to avoid further incident, I turned out towards Wickham.
My phone rang and it was Tender calling to check on me. I let him know that I was heading back to start. He informed me how close I was to beer check and I decided to short cut there and give trail one more chance. Not risking any more attacks from the Church Yard, I followed Wickham north into a new development and on past a trailer. I called Tender again to see if I was close to the beer check. He played a clever game of hide and seek in the shiggy while watching me search in vane. Thinking he was helping, Tender whistled into the phone and asked if I could hear it. (duh)
Soon he realized I would be seeing the beer truck and the hares any second. He directed me to look along the curve of the road where I saw Fin in the beer truck clearing a turn, followed shortly by GDD on foot. They both stopped to chat and on hearing of my Odyssean adventures, invited me to join the beer truck for the rest of trail.
Not trusting me inside the truck, Fin had me climb in the back with the beer and chairs. We crossed Wickham and entered suburbia where we left an EC for the pack at Fireindahole’s house. I hope the pack enjoyed that EC as much as I did. Great idea, GDD! She made jello shots and put them in Easter eggs. Yum!
Part II of the Biblical Survival portion of trail.
Back in the truck with GDD, LMAU and Fin, we headed (who said…) back out onto Wickham and turned east onto Post Rd. on past start. I had decided to stay with the beer truck and continue to the end, so I did not have Fin drop me at my truck, especially since there was no beer in mine. While on Post Road, we figured out all the big black smoke was actually from a fire that was causing traffic to be diverted from Southbound Wickham.
We headed right onto some road that led into Wickham park’s baseball fields. GDD went off to lay trail back to the second beer check while Fin explained that we needed to find a new place for circle because the fire was blocking us from taking trail where they had originally planned it. LMAU and I were left to guard the beer while Fin headed into the woods to see if we could use it for circle. Cumming out of the woods, he grabbed his flour and headed off he same direction as GDD had gone to lay some more surprise trail.
LMAU and I headed into the woods to scope out the best spot for circle. We headed right just into the woods and found a bridge crossing a (ditch? stream? miniature river?) and circling around to a perfect clearing for circle. Spying some boards being used as a makeshift bride (a mere 10 feet from the real bridge, which was hidden behind trees), LMAU laid a false trail across the boards, then laid the real trail on across the real bridge and into the clearing for circle.
We went back out to the truck to fetch the chairs and water. A park ranger(ette) came through and hit her siren, scaring all the little children (like Vikings with horns on their heads, who said…) out on the ball field. She spoke up on her loudspeaker and announced that the park was being evacuated and it was mandatory.
Thinking fast, I whipped out my trusty cell phone again and dialed GDD and filled her in on the situation. Since I didn’t have Fin’s number I couldn’t do anything for him. I asked her to find a way to catch up and LMAU and I went about getting the hash equipment back out of the woods and back to the truck. She opted to get the gear while I waited at the truck in case Fin showed up. We waited as long as the rangers would let us and called back and forth a few more times with GDD before we had to give up and head back to start in the hopes of getting everybody back together in one place.
While waiting for a chance to get back onto the road, several emergency vehicles passed us going into the park. When we finally got back onto Post Rd, we made our way up to BCC to leave the truck their and get our own vehicles. On our way, we saw why the park was evacuated. Flames climbed high into the sky well above the tree line throughout Wickham park.
The last word we had on Fin was that he was going to try to find his way home and that the Happy Fin home would be used for circle. We loaded what we could of the hash supplies into LMAU’S and my trucks and headed back east on Post Road trying to make our way to US1 to get to Eau Gallie Road. NO SUCH LUCK. Traffic was at a stand still and was apparently being blocked off in that direction as well.
Throwing caution to the wind, LMAU blazed a trail through the traffic, and I followed (much better than I had followed the hares’ trail). We worked our way up past Wickham and turned onto some road I can’t remember and finally, after about a 10 mile detour, found our way to Eau Gallie and then on to the Happy Fin home where we found everyone…except for Fin.
More call phone calls occurred and people discussed going out to hunt him down and bring him in. Pizza was ordered to calm the raging beasts while we waited. Circle was held off until awaiting his arrival. (Hey, you can’t have circle without the hares.)
Finally, Fin arrived, smoky, tired and greatly subdued. He ducked into the house and emerged naked to climb straight into the hot tub. There were numerous harriettes offering to strip and join him, but ultimately, we all decided he should have it to himself for the time being.
Circle:
Hares: Little Fin (in the hot tub) and GDD (not in the hot tub)
-FRB: Shop Teacher
-DFL: AP
-HUYA nominations:
-Currently in possession of AP (LMAU said she thought he should keep it)
-LMAU was nominated by Happy Meal for trying to help people who don’t want it and getting her proverbial balls busted over it.
-Fin nominated Happy Meal for telling LMAU to DO the website…and then for nominating her for the HUYA over it.
-Ginger nominated FS for stealing an open sign and putting it right back.
-Happy Meal nominated LMAU a second time for leaving Fin’s truck in the path of the fire and taking the key with her.
-AP nominated Ginger for invading FS’s (and her) tent after he had made it there safely before passing out, and LETTING OTHER HASHERS PAINT HIM. Oh, but wait. There’s more. SHE ALSO HELPED PAINT HIM.
-And the winner is…AP because he didn’t want to vote for any of the silly nominations.
-Quotes:
-LMAU to GDD: “I loved you before today!”
-AP: “I’ll just keep the f*cking HUYA.”
-April Birthdays: AP as stand in for Yanksit
-Swing Low!
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#169 – The WET Trail of Beers

Apr 22, 2006
Start: Veterans Memorial Park, Palm Bay
Hares: Just Puke, DOCTOR Dr. Anus
Pack: (I’ll do my best to remember who was there. If I forgot your name, tough.) Ass Packet, Banana Slit, Chicken of the Semen, Circle Blow, Daddy’s Little Whore, Dildo STAT!, F*cking Stupid, Gator Bait, Goes Down Drunk, In My Mouth, Kittylingus, Krusty Kreme (and the other half of Krusty Kreme, whose name I can’t remember), Light My Ass Up, Mommy Rearest (or her evil twin?), Rosie Palm Pilot, and Shop Teacher.
Hi-Lites from the walking trail
Most of my memories of trail were washed away in the deluge to come. But I clearly remember following directly behind Dr. A for quite a long time (read, several blocks) down Port Malabar Road. The water crossings were horrendous. Rotten bastard.
The big surprise (not really…Dr. A was haring) was the CB 19 he laid while surrounded by the watching pack…then he ran like the wind before it could register with any of us.
Other than that, all I remember is that none of us had any beer left when we reached beer check, so we all forgave Dr. A when he opened the cooler and started passing out the refreshments.
While the walking pack waited for the running pack, several harriettes used the facilities up the hill and we discussed various and sundry hash related and non-hash related things. Dildo Stat, Mommy, and Nana started discussing the things we ordered at GD2’s toy party last week. DLW noted that he could beat any rabbit, following that up with the statement, And I cum with a guarantee.” Uh-huh. Of course, he said that to Dildo and Nana, both of whom immediately demanded proof.
Then it started raining. Note that the runners were not there yet. I think. Anyway, when the rain started, the usual comments about wet t-shirt contests began. I’m pretty sure Mommy won that even through her sport bra. When the runners arrived, we learned that Chicken is also chicken of rain, and Kitty really is a pussy who hides in the trees to keep dry. They weren’t the only ones, but I can’t remember the rest of the wimps. I found the rain refreshing and enjoyed standing in the downpour with Dildo, DLW, and Rosie. The only tricky part was keeping the rain out of my beer. I decided it was easiest to keep it dry by storing it in my belly. I then attached my vessel to the back of my belt pouch so it could serve as a rain gage, which worked great until I stripped half-way and… Oh, wait, I’m getting aHEAD (who said…) of myself.
The hares disappeared without telling anyone where they were going, and we had all been standing around in the rain long enough, so we went off in the direction we’d seen them go. We were soon turned about and told to drink more beer while they plotted the rest of our adventure.
When they returned, they loaded up one of the mobile coolers with beer and informed the pack that the rest of the trail would be laid using FULL beer cans. When we reached the beer cans, we were to ensure that they were all emptied, and that the last person could not leave until the last beer at each check was gone. Sounds serious, huh?
Trail of Beers
The hares took off, leaving the first pile of beer within 10 feet of the nearest pack member. They were kind enough to leave water and the occasional cheer leader beer for our non-beer drinkers.
We reached a clearing near the water and found a much more dangerous check. This check was shots of Jack Daniels. Now life started getting very interesting, and I believe this is when Mommy’s evil twin first came out to play. A few harriettes decided since we were pretty much drenched anyway, there really wasn’t any reason not to play in the water. Well, except for the possibility of alligators. But we were counting on the idea that pack was being obnoxious enough to scare them away. Who were the crazy wet women? Dildo, GD2, and Nana. This is where I forgot all about my rain gage in the process of stripping off my shirt and belt pouch to go in the water. At the last measurement it was only ¼ inch, but that was about 30 minutes worth of measuring.
The hares took off again and returned to leaving beer checks every 20 or 30 feet. This became quite interesting when Mommy decided to do a pole dance for Rosie, AP, Dildo, and Nana. It was very entertaining.
Finally, the trail of beers ended in a Circle of beer and ice. We noticed there were fewer and fewer beers left for those of us at the back of the pack.
Hi-Lites from Circle:
FRB: I have no freaking clue.
DFL: I do remember seeing someone go in for that, but I finished off way too many of those last beers, AND my notes were waterlogged, so again, I have no freaking clue.
HUYA: No nominations needed, it went straight to Dr. A for taking 37 years to finish his degree.
I don’t remember why IMM was on the ice, but it sure was fun eating pretzels out of her crotch.
I’m pretty sure I went in at least twice, but I can’t remember why. In fact, I can’t remember most of circle. But I do remember it was a lot of fun.
Low was Swung and most of us did a great job of not falling over in the process of making hand gestures. On-Out.
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#168 – Psycho De Mayo

May 6, 2006
Hares:  IMM and MBF.
Hounds: Cock Tender, B Small, Chicken Of The Semen, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Daddy's Lil Whore, Dick Sniffa, Dildo Stat, Eat-a-pus, 14Kt Prick, Shop Teacher, Fuckin' Stupid, Ginger Snatch, Goldie Licks, Happy Meal, Little Fin, Just Cathy, Just Puke, Just Swallows, Kittylingus, LMAU, Pocket Rocket, Snip It, Stalker and Waaayyy Beyond Gay.
Virgin:  Just Corey.
4:00pm at Casa De Fuck! We met, mingled and presented Sinorita MOUTH with offerings of ammunition for MONTEZUMA's war. Prelube and chalk talk were in the garage.  JUST JOAN stopped by to see what us whippersnappers were up to. Some of us were up to five BEERS already. Hares away.
To the end of Cherry Hill and behind the houses. Back out to Villa and up to Pinehurst. Down past a beautiful pond with a fountain.  We came to a Eagle/Turkey split.  I have no freakin clue what the Turkeys did but us Eagles took a left.  We ran up past GINGER WAY.  Thank god GINGER SNATCH took the Eagle trail. We met up with the Turkey’s right before the Extra Credit of Blue Margaritas from a mouth wash bottle. Back on the street and up the street and up the street.  Across the street at a BEER Near and into the shiggy...or so we thought. The only one to go into the shaggy was JUST PUKE to place the cooler in the wrong spot.  At the BEER stop we found SHORT STRAW's underwear.  That is they were brown and full of SHIT.  COCKPIT walked around with them on a stick. There was BEER, water, peeing and smoking.  Then someone asking SNIP IT about his name and the conversation went from the brownie nasties to vasectomies. I GOT MINE! It turns 8 this year. Hares away.
Out of the shiggy and to the end of the street to a CB# 6969.  What?!?!?  We quickly discern that this means to just back track to the house.  How Lame. Along the way, Dr Doolittle, a.k.a. KITTYLINGUS stops to talk to the Scrub Jay that has landed on his finger.  I thought it was supposed to be a CHICKEN perched on his finger.  Back down the street and past the EC spot to where the Eagles and Turkeys met up.  DADDY's LIL WHORE, SNIP IT and SHOP TEACHER decide not to take the same route back and try to retrace the Turkey trail.  OOPS, Big mistake.  DADDY's LIL WHORE turns back...Wuss!.  SNIP IT and SHOP TEACHER got to a dead end.  We cut through a yard and through a construction site.  We cum to some railroad track and know that that's not a good sign.  We follow the track south to and past the cemetery.  Oddly enough, I know where I'm at.  And no it's not that I frequent that particular cemetery. It was last year's trail from Casa De Fuck.  Over the the berm and onto the field.  Through the field and into the neighborhood.  And low and behold, we're on Villa. We finally get back to el casa DFLs... or so we thought.  Who the hell knows what happened to EAT-A-PUS?  Everyone's casa, safe and sound. 
Circle up. HAPPY MEAL runs circle in ASS PACKET's stead.  FRB and DRF on ice;  KITTYLINGUS and EAT-A-PUS.  Hares on ice;  IMM and MBF.  Kitchen Bitches on ice; DILDO STAT and JUST SWALLOWS.  JUST PUKE on ice for being the worst BEER Meister since SHOP TEACHER.  He was in eating instead of performing his dooties.  Heh heh, I typed DOOTIES!  No Hash Attire on ice or at least in circle;  DADDY's LIL WHORE, SNIP IT, STALKER and JUST SWALLOWS even though she was theme dressed in her Corona boxers.  Too long in betweens;  GOLDIE LICKS and GINGER SNATCH.  The circle is open to accusations.  LMAU for shitty tutelage to her boytoy JUST COREY.  At this point JUST JOAN from across the street brought over a bag of chips and was rewarded with a nice view of LITTLE FIN on the ground under the garage door. Auto hashers; CROTCH DUSTER, COCKPIT, DICK SNIFFA and WAAYY BEYOND GAY.  Late Cummers; 14KT PRICK and GOLDIE LICKS.  Knock knock knock knock knock... it's JUST JOAN again.  This time we invite her in for a BEER.  IMM and MBF for CB# 6969.  Lost Property; COCK TENDER's bandana and now, his flashlight.  B SMALL U CAN B, accused by FUCKIN STUPID, for competitive behavior.  People who sleep with wet backs; GOLDIE LICKS and a bunch of over compensators.  HAPPY MEAL for calling DADDY's LIL WHORE mommy and DADDY's LIL WHORE for answering to it. 
And finally JUST CATHY's naming.  What we found out is; Pubic hair? What pubic hair? , Her affiliation with Special Ed Kids, She prefers girth.  What we suggested; Duck Duck Girth, Special, Helen Keller, Ed, who said Ed? and then someone called out from the corner...Timmy!  It was close but to the chagrin of HAPPY MEAL and others who aren't familiar with South Park, the winner was TIMMAH.
LET'S EAT!!!!
ON-ON
STUNT-SEC
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#170 – Titusville's dirty, decrepit, run down, nasty spoiled pit of a cherry

May 20, 2006
Hares: Nana Slit and Cock Tender
Hounds:  Mommy Rearest, Daddy's Lil Whore, Cockpit, Waayy Beyond Gay, Dildo Stat, Eat-a-pus, Shop Teacher, Wood Liquor and Stalker.
4:00pm in Titusville.  If the directions given didn't get EAT-A-PUS lost enough, telling him to go to an empty building in Titusville surely did.  We met and then waited for EAT-A-PUS.  And waited.  And talked to him on the phone.  And waited.  Then, at 4:30, he finally showed up.  OK, time for Chalk Talk.  No, wait... DADDY's LIL WHORE.  Chalk Talk was pretty straight forward no virgins.  And by virgins I mean JUST LISA.  After many obscenities by EAT-A-PUS, Hares Away.  In Autos!!!!
True Trail took us to the intersection of South St and one of the two Park Avenues that cross South Street.  Down to a patented 45 degree right turn by COCKTENDER to a CB# 10.  Back to the main road and on down.  We came to a Check at a church.  Across the street and into some light shiggy.  DADDY's LIL WHORE achieved what he started hashing for.  He found a nice hole to slip into to.  And what did he get for his trouble?  A thorn branch in the eye from MOMMY REAREST.  Through the light and into heavy shiggy.  Really good heavy shiggy, with thorns and cactii and everything.  BEER Check!  Where everyone else had thorn cuts on their legs  WOOD LIQUOR had some on his arms and shoulders.  Same thorns... different altitudes.  Hares Away!
Out to the road and up to Park Ave.  To the right to a CB# 12.  The opposite direction into a neighborhood.  Into the woods and along a canal and a Check.  Which was marked incorrectly by DADDY's LIL WHORE.  Back out to Park and no marks.  Some hound who didn't sit for technology called the Hares.  And lo and behold flour on a stump and I wasn't even the Hare.  Along a fence to the BEER Near.
Circle up.  Doc stepped in as R.A.  Hares on ice; NANA SLIT and COCK TENDER.  No blood on trail; WAAYY BEYOND GAY (jeans).  Too long in between; WOOD LIQUOR and WAAYY BEYOND.  May birthdays; COCKPIT Stunt cunt for UNCLE PURVY.  Whistles Check; WAAYY BEYOND GAY. STALKER pulled his whistle on a string out of his pants.  This string was about as long as it took to hang down to about the middle of his SAC. So we made him BLOW IT.  Shortest and longest drives; WOOD LIQUOR and EAT-A-PUS.  WOOD LIQUOR lives in town and EAT-A-PUS spent all afternoon on 405.  No Hash attire; DOC ANUS, DADDY's LIL WHORE and WAAYY BEYOND GAY.  Weird attire; SHOP TEACHER for the BUFF Brothers hash shirt with EAT-A-PUS' face on it.  EAT-A-PUS sat too. Same Hash Attire; NANA SLIT and MOMMY REAREST.  HUYA from DOC ANUS to EAT-A-PUS for getting hopelessly lost and then bitching about to no end.  Accusations... NANA SLIT's direction and the amendment to those directions.  STALKER was called in to circle to tell the story of STALKER's STALKER.  We kept him on ice to tell us the long long long story of how he got his name in Turkey. I'll let you ask him yourself.  I wasn't really listening anyway.  Lost property; WOOD LIQUOR's stolen sunglasses.  Late cummers; DADDY's LIL WHORE and EAT-A-PUS.  Technology on trail (in circle); COCK TENDER.  He had just found out the CUM SICLE was sitting at the on after with HAPPY MEAL and LITTLE FIN.  Circle is over!  Swing Low man style and we're out.
ON-ON
STUNT-SEC
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#171 – Blew a Hawaiian and Got Leid

June 3, 2006
Hares: Mostly Little Fin with cheers and encouragement from Happy Meal
Hounds: Dildo-STAT!, Just Swallows, Eatapus, Stalker, Dr. Anus, Poontwang, Banana Slit, Cockpit, Ginger Snatch, Fucking Stupid, Snip It, Timmy!, Goes Down Drunk, In My Mouth, Shot Teacher, Cock Tender, Ass Squealer, Just Puke, Lollipop, Kojak, Ass Packet, Circle Blow, Killer Bee (Atlanta)
Start:  John Rhodes and Eau Gallie
Hi-Lites from SHOP TEACHER’S Notes (since I was a gimp and got to ride around with the BEER all day.)
Before we even left for trail, we had adventure.  Three people showed up who did not remain for trail:  14kt Prick and his two preemies who thought they could outwit our crafty Hash Cash Cockpit and our way too quick for silly underage games GM Happy Meal.    After sending them on their not-so-merry way, we had chalk talk.  I think. That order might be reversed.  I was at a picnic (read: I was already 4 BBERS down when I got there).
I do remember that we met a not-so-new, but new-to-us hasher, Killer Bee from Atlanta who will be hashing with us occasionally.  Welcum on board, hon!
Trail headed out onto John Rhodes (Road? Street? Beuler? Anyone?) and to the corner.  Then it found some shiggy and so did our pack.  A Turkey Eagle happened and some went Turkey, some went Eagle, and perhaps a few went split.  Or Slit. No wait, that was me and I was in the truck drinking all the BEER.
Shop Teacher claims to be the only one who found the eagle.  I don’t know, I didn’t see him toting any feathers from it…  Oh, and he claims to have found it backwards.  Shop, I always took you for a boob man.  Live and learn.
BEER check showed up behind some grey building. I think there was a picnic table, some shade, and a pretty pond.  Oh, yeah, and a HOOLAH HOOP!  Yay for the hoolah hoop.  Happy Meal required each hasher to take a turn with it before they could imbibe in their beverage of choice. I was surprised at the number of male hashers who could, and the number of female hashers who could not.  (I am counted in the could not group.  It may or may not be attributable to the beer I had consumed and was still consuming.)
From BEER check there was a true trail arrow pointed past Pepsi.  I don’t know where Pepsi was, but Shop found it and he was the only one who found the Eagle, so OK.
There was an Extra Credit at Hott Flixx.  A few hashers went in, but no one came to the next BEER stop with bags.  They must have ordered stuff to be mailed.  Dang, I wanted to volunteer to help watch the new movies!
Then there was Shiggy. And it was good. And there was much “Oh Shitting.”  And ANOTHER TURKEY EAGLE SPLIT.  Haha on Shop, the Eagle trail was a COUNT BACK 31.  Tee hee hee.  After this, there was barbed wire.  Many a harriette left some of her precious grass skirting behind.  None of the male hounds complained.  Well, OK I think I heard Cock Tender griping that not enough grass came off.
Trail continued to meander on and around Eau Gallie, into and back out of shiggy until it came to another BEER check behind a brand new strip mall that didn’t have any doors or windows yet because it was stripped.  It was a very pretty empty mall.  This was the last BEER check and was also the location of Happy Meal’s near miss with a major Hash Fowl.  I was sitting in the BEER truck waiting while she finished a conversation with some random hasher (what the hell were hashers doing at a hash anyway?).  When she climbed in and started pulling away I said “Are we leaving the beer so they can finish it off?”
“Oh, Shit!”  She put the truck back in park and loaded up the BEER. Off we went to the end while the pack continued on Little Fin’s fabulous trail.  Now it trail led off into MORE SHIGGY!  This time there was a scenic tour of horse farms Did any Katherine the Great type ladies take advantage?  Dildo thought they were too tiny for her so she passed them up.  Stalker whipped his out and made them cry.  I’m told the Stud in the pasture tried to hang himself after seeing Stalker’s display, but he couldn’t work out the rope thing with his hooves.
Trail passed through the nearby subdivision (in the backs of cars, in the shopping malls, conform or be cast out…) and out again into the swimming pool of some local MEXICANOS.  (Reading from Shop’s notes, it says “OUT NEXT TO MEXICANS IN A KIDDIE POOL.)  Hey!  I thought Short Straw was in merry old England!  What was he doing in the middle of Fin’s trail in a pool that is CLEARLY too deep for him?
Another Extra Credit magically appeared in the back yard of the Happy Fin House.  There were Blue Hawaiians, something else, water, and SHOP’S Blue Hawaiians.  Or Blew Hawaiians.  Hmmm…  It didn’t say Fucking Stupid’s Blew Hawaiians, so it must be Blue Hawaiians…
Trail continued in the neighborhood and wandered back towards Eau Gallie by way of the shiggy. But Ho!  It ended in the midst of said shiggy where upon commenced a merry Circle!  Circle Blow?  No she came later.
Hi-Lites from Circle (I took these notes so they probably make much less sense than Shop’s.)
Hares on Ice:  Little Fin and Happy Meal
What did you think of that trail?
Cockpit:  I thought it was a Gilligan trail with all that BARBED WIRE.
AP to Circle Blow:  Stop playing with that cock for a minute and get out of my circle!
Ginger:  Not enough TOOLS!  (Screamed in her adorable porn squeal as she brandished a wrench she found on trail.  At least I think she found it on trail.  It could have been hiding between those bodacious tatas for years and no one would ever know until they put an eye out trying to stick their head in there…)
Nana:  Nicely Air Conditioned!
Stalker:  It sucked.  AP:  No, like this:  IT SUCKED!  Stalker:  It sucked.  AP:  I’m not moving on until you get this right.  IT SUCKED!  Stalker:  IT SUCKED!  Can I have more BEER now?
Dr. Dr. A:  Reminded me of the good old days when trails were just plain mean.  (At first I thought he was going to say “When the men were men and sheep were scared.”)
FRB:  Poontwang
DFL:  IMM and Timmy!
DFL 2.5:  Puke  (He was so far behind because he finished off all the EC at the Happy Fin house.)
AP did a great impersonation of a piano whore across the top of the long white cooler that had all the BEER in it.  I forget why he did it, but it doesn’t matter because the visual was great.
Huya stayed with Eatapus because HE WANTED TO KEEP IT.  Hmmm…
Nominations were made for Poon for something about TP in the woods.  I forgot why.  Maybe he used it?  Happy Meal received a nom for trying to leave the BEER at BEER check.
Too Long In Between ate half the circle:  AP, Circle Blow, Ass Squealer, Poon , Ginger, Kojak and Lolli.
Accusations:  Dr. Dr. A sat for something but I have no idea what.  I think this was when I was distracted by Swallows whispering sweet somethings in my ear.  Or I could have just been staring at: Men’s crotches, women’s cleavages, my ouch toe, the sky….   Oh! I know!  I was eating CHEEZY POOFS!   J
No Whistle Check:  Circle Blow, Just Swallows, Nana, Timmy! and Puke.  I don’t know why I needed a whistle to ride in the BEER truck all day, but hey; it gave me an excuse to finish the BEER I was sipping and get a fresh cold one.
Nurses:  Don’t know how this started, but apparently someone accused all the nurses of being… nurses.  Circle Blow, Dildo, Fucking Stupid drank for that, and they were joined by the…
Doctors:  Who were apparently guilty of being… doctors.  Timmy!, Dr. Dr. A, Eatapus.
Blood on Trail:  (Not me this time!)  Ginger, Dr. Dr. A, GD2, Shop, IMM, Cockpit, Poon, Snip It.
I have no idea what else may or may not have happened between that point and Swing Low, but I know it was a hell of a lot of fun!  If you don’t remember, you were probably there too.
On-Out!
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#172 – PICA Hash

June 17, 2006
Start: Pine Island Conservation Area, Merritt Island
Hares: Cock Tender & Dildo-STAT
Hounds: Poon Twang, LMAU, Timmy!, Shop Teacher, Sniffah, Just John, Just Puke, Dr. Anus, Stalker, Waayyyy Beyond Gayyy, Goes Down Drunk, Mommy Rearest, Nana Slit, Swallows, STFU, Daddy’s Little Whore, Circle Blow, Ass Packet, Eat-a-puss, Happy Meal , Little Fin
Hi-Lites from Trail: Chalk Talk was held on the last vestige of dirt road on the way into the conservation area.
Trail took off on the south-bound (maybe—it felt south, anyway) trail and quickly led to a back check, which took us back up to a road we had past that head off westward (assuming I am right about the south-bound part…)
This trail followed around the edges of jungle/swamp land in gargantuan circle or spiral or something roundish. Pack followed this around to the beer check which proved to be about 1,000 feet from chalk talk. Clever and devious hares.
Shortly before reaching beer check, LMAU and Timmy! caught up with me and proudly displayed the wood they had gotten on trail. I asked if they were enjoying it, but they just looked board. I noticed that they ditched it at beer check, so it must really have been a stiff.
At beer check I spoke briefly with various hashers, one of whom was the queen of BVD, Sniffah. Of interest in our conversation was the revelation that she spent a good part of the first portion of trail walking without a shirt on. Brazen Hussy! And I missed it, dammit.
After beer check, pack took off northward (?) and apparently found the real shiggy. Notes from this point on are largely based on rumor, as I wimped out and stayed with the beer, along with Sniffah and Wayyy the rest of the hash.
When the pack entered the real shiggy, trail become somewhat more cramped and I overheard a complaint from Mommy that all the runners had managed to get ahead (who said…) of her, but AP was in front of her and wouldn’t let her go around him so she could run with the big boys. I told her I thought he was probably hoping for another pole dance. She said that only happens when her evil twin comes out with the whiskey.
There was high adventure among those of us setting up circle when naked people decided to watch us from nearby.  The adventure was when Wayyy said, “Hey, there’s naked people over there” and Dildo nearly drove us backward off the river’s edge into the water.
Cock Tender, finding that circle was not where he intended it to be, called Dildo and got directions. He ran out of flower with just one plop to go, and improvised a trail mark in the dirt with… dirt. This was no detriment to the thirsty, bloody pack though. They trudged in to circle in groups of 2 and 3.
Hi-Lites from Circle
Hares on Ice: Cock Tender and Dildo STAT!
What did you think of that trail?
Nana: The first part was great. I think I’m glad I missed the second half (spoken as I looked at all the torn up legs)
Happy Meal: Two great shiggy trails in a row!
FRB: Poontwang
DFL: LMAU and Timmy!
Too Long In Between: Just John, STFU
Accusations: STFU sat again for dumping cheesy crunches all over the ground. 
No Whistle Check: Just Swallows, Timmy!
Blood on Trail: Everyone but Nana, Sniffah, and Wayyy.
Just John was called in for a naming since he’s been to 5 or more BVD trails. Several names came up, among the favorites was Somerlot Salad. But in the end it was decided to table the naming of Just John until we get more/better dirt on him.
On-Out!
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#173(69) – Red Dress Hash / Tri-Fuck-Ya Part Deux

July 1, 2006
Start: Key West Bar, A1A and Eau Gallie
Hares: Dr. Anus and Just Puke
Pack: Ass Packet, Banana Slit (Nana), Bike Bitch, Can’t Get Laid, Chicken of the Semen, Circle Blow, Cock Tender (CT), Cockpit, Cooter Bush, Crotchduster, Daddys Little Whore (DLW), Dick Sniffah, Dildo STAT!, Down-N-Dirty, Dr. Anus, Ear Muff, Fecal Fucker, Gilligan, Ginger Snatch, Goes Down Drunk (GD2), Hangar Queen, Hanging Loose, Happy Meal, IVA, Not the Daddy, Just John (virgin), Just Lisa, Just Puke, Just Swallows, Just Tonidean (virgin), Just Yaw (virgin), Katmanpu, Killer Bee, Kittylingus, Light My Ass Up (LMAU), Little Fin (Fin), Mommy Rearest, Popatard, Rosie Palm Pilot, Shop Teacher, Shut the Door, Shut the Fuck Up (STFU), Sunk-N-Shit, Thanks for the Mammaries (Mams), Timmy!, Wild Oats, Woody
Hi-Lites from Trail: Chalk Talk was held in the parking lot, with the virgins up front so as to be thoroughly confused.
Following that were two group groups, just in case anyone got missed the first time, or forgot where we were. Nice lips, Bike Bitch!
Trail started off Northward up A1A and across it onto the beach with a nice cold batch of Red Death. Pack gathered on the beach to watch the shuttle that didnt launch.  Ginger Snatch was so excited about it she had to pee in the bushes.
Since we were all so disappointed by the failure to launch, we wandered off back to trail, which crossed back over A1A. We made our way to Beer Check, which was at Side Pocket, where we had circle. Not Circle Blow, though many of us wanted to…
Hi-Lites from Circle
The hares were called into the circle and were given beer to down-down for not making sure the start location was available, which is why everything SAID we were starting at Coasters, but we actually started at Key West .
Following this, Ass Packet called in all the crew from Orlando and had them do a visitor down-down. Then the hares came back in for getting the start location wrong for Orlando.
Next the Daytona hashers were welcummed into circle. Again, the hares came in for giving our visitors the wrong start location. Are you seeing a pattern here?
Once the hares had been properly lubed and abused for their indiscretions, the Virgins were brought in and introduced to the crowd. Just Tonidean, Just Yaw, and Just John were well prepared by those who took their virginity. Just Tonidean said that Can’t Get Laid made her cum. (Guess he CAN get laid, huh?) Just Yaw said that Nana made him cum (not yet but she was working on it), and Just John said that Shut the Door made him cum, supposedly before and after shutting the door.
Kittylingus caused our illustrious RA, Ass Packet to have an RA DOWN-DOWN for repeating a song in circle. Then July Birthdays were brought to light with a joyous rendition of Happy Birthday, Fuck You! sung to Woody, Just Swallows and Circle Blow.
Ass Packet called in Can’t Get Laid for being an overachiever because his (way too) happy face was in the Brevard Magazine with some article or other about all that crazy stuff he does.
I was mildly entertained by a highly inebriated civilian who kept wandering into circle, wanting to join the fun. Im not sure how he was convinced to get out of Circle, but Im sure she was kind about it. I didnt hear any wailing or see any blood, but then she is a nurse and would know how to kill him kindly…
More fun from trail:
Once circle was released back into the wild, the pack returned to the drinking of the beer while the hares begged for five minutes to get us to our next location. The pool game with Shop Teacher, D2, Just Yaw, and Nana was briefly interrupted by a civilian who happened across a wondrous sight. Apparently, Little Fin and Happy Meal got a little peckish, and decided to curb their appetites by suckling the sweet nectar from Ginger Snatchs Bodacious Tatas. While the poor guy was recovering from this sight, Nana snuck up behind him with breasts to the fore and whispered in a low and smoky voice Excuse me, your blocking my view. The poor guy nearly peed himself as he replied I just want to go to the bathroom! Fin immediately responded Im right behind you. The now terrified civilian said in a panic, Dont say that!
Cockpit, in fit of passion, claimed a new Stunt Husband. She and IVA exchanged vows in a ceremony performed by STFU, and witnessed by Cockpits really really real husband Crotchduster.
More civilians participated in todays events. A woman was completely aroused by the hot way Just Puke looked in his red dress, and asked if she could have it. Puke removed the garment, and she wadded it up into a ball and proceeded to sniff it thoroughly. Upon reaching climax through her nose, she unraveled the dress and gave it back. Clitoral orgasms, G-Spot orgasm, Anal orgasms, Nasal orgasms. Sure, why not?
These civilians are getting braver as we go. Another civilian woman decided she wanted to see more of DLWs delicious booty than she could view with that long skirt he was wearing, so she pulled it down to display more of his hot little thong. I was thankful since I was walking behind him.
On-out of Side Pocket and back onto Eau Gallie, then down to Wally World, and on into the back lot for Beer Check. Or should I say JELLO SHOT check. Oh, and the Mardi Gras beads came out. Flashing ensued.
While at this check, hashers were making wonderful progress in the area of self discovery. Cockpit learned that she could bounce a quarter off her tits. Not the Daddy learned that he liked dark chocolate almost as much as Nana. Just Yaw discovered that he can be kissed by a large hairy man in a red dress and not lose his composure. I think it helped that he was still reeling from having Nana flash him for the coolest Mardi Gras beads ever. And the most important discovery of all (which explains why I can’t seem to find a bra that fits) was that Nana is NOT a C-cup plus a little. This had to be proven by Crotchduster who helped with the removal of Nanas bra so the tag could be read. It said very clearly cup size D. Guess I know why it keeps looking like I have four boobs whenever I wear that front-closer…
On-out from the beer check through the back lot of Wally World, and a silver sedan is seen with all the doors hanging open with arms and legs hanging out. Someone (I have no idea who could say such a rude thing to strangers) shouted Are you having sex in there?  Wild Oats and Bike Bitch sauntered up to join in the sex games. For some reason, all the doors suddenly closed and the people inside hid. But not before Cock Tender got his Hash Flash on! J Good picture CT!
While still walking the back lot of Wally World, Just Yaw made the mistake of telling a seasoned hasher that he needed to pee. Upon hearing this news, Nana instructed him in the ways of hashing. Theres a bush right there; theres a wall right there; theres a dumpster right there. You have a garden hose in your pants. Whip the sucker out and let her rip. And he did. And he liked it. Yada, yada, yada.
At the far end of the lot, Happy Meal and Nana discover a Wally World employee driving a fork lift. Happy Meal begged for ride, but the hard-ass Yale man wouldnt give. We pouted and walked away unsatisfied.
On down to Lous Blues for some beer, food and Â… APPLE PIE! Yummy yummy for my tummy, I LOVE apple pie! Especially with Dildo STATs boobies in my face!
Things learned by the Hash Trash during our Lous Blues adventure:
-Just Yaw never wears underpants.
-Rosie Palm Pilot can dance like a mambo-king when hes drunk off his ass.
-ELVIS LIVES!
-Chicken of the Semen may not swallow, but she DOES bite! (Did you have to put a band-aid on that Kitty?
-Its a bad idea to tell Cock Tender hes not licking a pussy while someone is filling his mouth with Apple Pie ingredients. But it sure is funny as hell!
-Chicken of the Semen is fully capable of falling out of the barber chair BEFORE she gets an Apple Pie shot.
-A civilian who joined us for some Apple Pies, who calls herself Just Puffer (hmmm…) has been clocked to snort up to 52 times in a row when laughing, completely destroying any record LMAU may have achieved. I counted up to 24 before she got away from me.
-Hanging Loose cums a LOT with whipped cream. And hes nice enough to share if you give him boobies while he gets an Apple Pie.
-Mommy Rearest does not limit her pole dancing to steal pipes standing in the middle of nowhere. Just Yaw serves very nicely as a substitute pole.
Eventually the hares dragged everyone away from the Apple Pies and made them wander (stagger, crawl, crawl, stagger) over to Purple Porpoise for the last place where I managed to make any notes. Im pretty sure it was the end of the pub crawl, since hashers started wandering away once we had been there a while.
Points of interest:
-Bouncer is no fun: Wouldnt let Nana sit on the bar to feel it vibrate.
-Bartender is cool: Perfectly fine with Nana sitting on the bar as long as he gets to watch.
-Military guys really enjoy watching women have sex on the tables. LMAU and Nana are more than happy to oblige.
Quotes of the day:
Overheard in a conversation with Ass Packet, Down-N-Dirty, Cock Tender, Crotch Duster, and Cockpit: There are no small Assholes.
Just Yaw: Once youre horny, youre horny. It doesnt matter.
Crotchduster: (Written in Nanas notebook) Nana is NOT a C-cup. She IS a D-cup and we can PROVE it!
Bike Bitch gave Just Yaw some friendly advice: There are NEGROES out there. Be careful.
Just Yaw replied: Yes, they will jack you up.
Crotchduster got into Nanas notebook again: I am so fucked up!
Bike Bitch: I leave my woman alone for 10 seconds and I find her with 10 different guys!
Announcement made while at Lous Blues: Dont go into the ladies room with a dick.
Shortly after that, LMAU was heard to say But Im a pussy!
Chicken of the Semen to Kittylingus: You got a boner for Goes Down Drunk!
Just Yaw (spoken into Dildo STATs breasts): I like purple.
Woody: Why isnt everybody skipping?
Indeed, Woody, why not?
Written in Nanas notebook by an unknown and unverifiable source: Nana had sex with both hares.
Nanas reply: Not yet. I have rules, you know.
On-Out!
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#174 – Long Ass Trail

July 15, 2006
Start: Conch Key, aka Used To Be Pineda Inn
Hares: Just Puke and Dr. Anus
Pack: The list of attendees has been swallowed, digested, and pooped out by one of the hares and I am not about to touch it. If you were there, you know it. If you were not there, you know it. Some of the pack who were there are mentioned below. Good luck with the rest.
Hi-Lites from Trail:
Trail began in the parking lot of Conch Key where we were instructed during chalk talk that we would be passing through the building but not to go in.
Apparently Nana gave Yaw a blowjob that neither of them remembers. Not the usual Nana fare… Then the walkers were out.
Trail led south on US1 with the first crossing at Garnett Plaza, along the Distribution and Receiving route. It was hard to tell which hasher was distributing and which was receiving, but I’m sure FS will claim to have been a receiver.
True trail marks led out onto a gravel road behind the receiving area, with an intersection turning right onto Byham and another turning left onto Aspinwell, quickly leading into a count back 6.
Once the count back was navigated, trail wandered past the largest tit checks I’d ever seen—even bigger that Dildo STAT’s rack!  A new intersection was found at Suntree and 3rd. I don’t remember which way it led because at that point, Just Swallows decided to have a very distracting conversation with FS. JS: “Stupid, do you have a racial preference?” FS: “Yes—Penis.”
Somewhere along during this conversation, trail led into a well-spaced wood and on-out past a beautiful office building with columns and a pond that turned out to be Health First.
Pack followed trail back into civilization on back onto US1, this time heading northward, then left onto Ernest Sands something or other.  We found a railroad crossing at Friendship, which led on into a gravel yard. On out of the gravel yard into some trees where beer was cleverly disguised a beer check. Yay, beer!
Here, I had one of those moments where I really wasn’t sure if I wished I’d heard the whole conversation or not. As I approached beer check, all I could hear was Puke saying “Thank God it gets bigger!”
Other quotes from beer check:
“Which one was I called: a slut or a whore?” LMAU in reference to our unwelcome visitor prior to trail starting.
Puke to Wayyy: “I promise the rest of trail will be less than 50 miles.” (And it was—barely.)
On-out of beer check, we followed the instructions from Anus and Puke to make a U-turn around the canal. Dildo, JS and Nana discovered YARD GNOMES in one of the yards butting up against the canal, but we decided not to kidnap them for Bike Bitch.  It would be way too far to carry them. Sorry, BB.
Trail became a beautifully paved walkway between the canal and the houses, which continued until an intersection carried pack out between two houses onto some street whose name I can’t make out, then right onto Timberlake. Dildo STAT found a new way to pick up men during trail—she found an orchid hanging in a tree and asked “Is that an orchid in your tree or are you just happy to see me?”
She left him behind, though, and continued on trail which led left onto Pinehurst. Pack slowed down for a bit, trying to find trail, which was eventually located by the virgin Just Yaw. Off he went down Wickham, after which we had a count-back to count-back, then continued down Wickham.
I got a little hopeful when we passed Vic’s discount liquor. I thought maybe we’d have an EC there, but sadly, we continued on past and made our way to Pineda Court, then found beer check in the grass. We discussed the upcoming Wicked Pissah Hash scheduled for DBH3’s August 2 date. From there the conversation turned to bodily functions prior to trail starting back up and heading straight into the shiggy.
The hares asked for 10 minutes, and in usual BVD fashion, we ignored them and headed out after about 5. The hares were then snared by THE ENTIRE PACK because they couldn’t go the way they had planned and had to figure it out. Oddly, the pack stopped in place, in the order we were walking, and just stood there waiting for the hares to figure it out, and then we all continued onward as if we had never stopped.
On-out of the shiggy and onto pavement for about 3 inches, then into more shiggy—this time with briars! GD2 blazed the trail for us all, bravely shedding her blood on trail so we would all know where NOT to walk. What a trooper.
We made our way through the worst of it, and found it opened out onto dirt roads through brush and thinner shiggy, then out onto Wickham (again) for about a million miles. The runners stopped and walked back towards the walkers (FS and Nana), who showed their supreme intelligence by standing and waiting for the runners to reach them.
Shortly after this, once the runners ran away again, FS found himself in a pensive mood (that’s pensive as in thoughtful, not penis as in dick) and asked to be reminded why we come out to the hash. About this time, Little Fin bent over in front of us and we both felt much better. Thanks, Fin!
We turned left onto a very strange road with mailboxes lining it, but no houses. FS and Nana were very confused until we made our way towards the end of this road which led to a parking lot behind the post office. Then we found more shiggy! Only this time the shiggy was great big wood that Nana got to ride. This led back out into the storage facility, across a ditch, then across some railroad tracks and back into that gravel yard.
We crossed US1 again and wandered northward for a lllloooooonnnnngggg way. Just as FS was stating that he would really love to see Sniffah pull up with the beer truck about now, Mommy Rearest pulled up and asked if we wanted a ride. FS was too dazed from fatigue and beer deprivation to respond, so Nana said “Yes, Please!” Next thing we knew we were at the end waiting for the runners to get there. Gotta love it.
Circle was held at the edge of the water at Rotary Park, just north of Conch Key.
Hi-Lites from Circle
Hares in circle: Just Puke and Dr. Anus
FRB: Shop Teacher
DFL: Happy Meal and Cock Tender
Virgins in circle: Just Yaw completes his questioning again. 
Too Long In Between: Wayyy, Shop, FS and Stalker
Dildo wandered away into the water and called on her friends the dolphins to come and play with her.
Accusations: Doc called in all July birthdays, anniversaries and divorces. That brought in Timmy! for a divorce, Anus as stunt down-down for Krusty’s BD, and Wayyy who joined the gang for alcohol abuse.
Same hash attire: Fin and Swallows; Puke and FS
No Whistle Check: Just Swallows, Stalker, Wayyy, and Seldom Cums.
Technology on Trail: Just Yaw, Nana, and Stalker
There are some other notes here, but I can’t read any of them, so I guess that means I was…
On-Out!
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#175 – Just HASH

July 29, 2006
Start:  Shore Lanes, Merritt Island
Hares:  Just Swallows and Just Puke
Pack:  Happy Meal, Little Fin, GD2, Timmy!, Shop Teacher, IMM, MBF, Just Tonydean, Snippet, Sniffah, Just Matt, Ass Packet, Cock Tender, Harry Cheeseballs, Dr. Anus, Just Drew, Banana Slit, Just Yaw, Cockpit, Crotchduster, Whiney Van Slut, Lil Dribbles, Eatapus, LMAU, Circle Blow
Hi-Lites from Trail:
Trail began outside the building at Shore Lanes bowling alley. No BB, we did not try to have Irish Road Bowling without you.
Walkers were out, following trail through the parking lot, northward parallel to Courtney.  We came out on the north end of the lot and crossed Richland Ave., which I found somewhat ironic, since we crossed into a very scary apartment complex for the downtrodden and dirt poor.
Fortunately for the walkers, the runners caught up and Just Matt found trail.  Even more fortunate for the walkers, Just Matt ALSO carried chalk AND USED IT.  Thanks, sweetie! Timmy! to AP:  "You've been working out, haven't you?"  AP made a polite reply, but Nana noted the perk in his step and his raised chest after that.
Trail crossed Catalina (or something like it) and ran along behind a strip mall.  At this point, the walkers completely lost trail, but someone spotted other hashers walking through an apartment complex on the other side of a brick wall.  Determined to catch up, HM, AP, Timmy!, Nana and Just Yaw climb the wall and jump down the other side, which is about a mile higher than the side we came from.   Yes, Nana REALLY climbed the wall… with a lot of help from the rest of the gang. The same gang was quite annoyed when, upon reaching the other side, we STILL were not on trail.  We finally found trail again at Merritt Island High School, with a chalk note stating this was Swallows' alma mater  The chain link fence around it says it all. Trail continued on up Lucas to an intersection with Courtney. This intersection came with a traffic signal, complete with crossing buttons for pedestrians, much to Just Yaw's amusement.  He couldn't stand waiting for all that traffic, so he pounded out a fast tattoo on the button trying to get the light to change. On the other side of Courtney (still on Lucas), we found a civilian washing his baby pick up truck in a do-it-yourself carwash.  HM, Timmy!, Nana and Just Yaw all stood in the mist from the hose.  The wommins all went on, but Just Yaw stuck around to get a little more of a hose job before catching up. Trail went left onto Koch.  Well, maybe it didn't actually lead that way, but being who we are (hashers, duh!) we had to follow that road.  The street petered out into gravel, then grass, then became just an alley between houses (Deliverance) and the woods, separated by a chain link fence. We found a gap in the fence and followed it into a playground, where we found BEER CHECK!  Yay!  We were all very hot and thirsty by this time, so we appreciated the chance to sit down and drink beer in the shade away from the scary homeless guy snoozing on the swing set.
Note:  Fifteen minutes after Nana and the gang found beer check, Harry Cheeseballs stumbled in looking very harried. Never a good sign to get anywhere that far behind Nana. Out of beer check, trail led back towards Deliverance, but this time jogged off into the woods. We passed through a green valley full of vines of some sort (I don't believe they were of any poisonous nature), and went right by the homeless guy's tent. MF hares! Pack followed trail through lots and lots of woods, eventually emerging into a field along the north end of the park, then wound around the park (grrr) all the way to entrance next to where pack had beer check. MF hares! Here, the hares left an intersection and a Turkey/Eagle split. The Eagle trail led off onto Melbourne something, and the Turkey trail followed Buttonwood in a straight line south, away from the park. The turkey trail passed a number of speed humps.  At the first one, I noticed no one stopped to play speed hump games, and thought "They must be too hot for sex." I think the eagle trail must have been running parallel to the turkey trail; I could see the runners off to my right, one or two blocks over.   They eventually cut over onto the turkey trail at Coldstream.
As the runners sped away, I noted again that the speed humps were ignored.  They had more excuse to claim to be too hot, but hey, this is SEX we're talking about here!  WTF?! As more hashers continued to ignore the speed humps, I thought "I may have to stop and speed masterbate just so these poor humps will not feel neglected."  Then I decided I would just make a point of teaching these dumb-asses what a speed hump is all about.  Then I quickly forgot all about it.  I was too hot. To my knowledge (since my notes don't record any intersections here), we were still following Buttonwood all this time.  We did eventually turn right onto Quail, then crossed onto N. Tropical Trail.  Trail followed this on past a fowl pond; by this I mean, a pond with a bunch of ibis lurking about. Pack followed trail along a sidewalk and found two greetings:  "Hi STFU" and "Hi CT."  Those in the "know" realized this was because trail led along the main road along which Cock Tender's and STFU's neighborhood runs parallel.  Many phsyco members of pack attempted to short cut into their neighborhood, even though no marks led into it.  Sorry guys, no Extra Credit at CT's house!
There was an Extra Credit, but it was at Hibiscus.  Here we had some concoction of Rhaspberry and something else.  Not sure what it was, but my one sip was plenty!  Here, Snippet took possession of the Hash Trash notebook and made a note:  "Possible name of fruitcup since he likes it fruity."  This was in reference to Just Yaw who apparently thought he was drinking Koolaid—a LOT of Koolaid. After that, Snippet was overheard whining about grey X's that the hares left on the pavement.  Apparently they were too hard for his wimpy wussy eyes to spot.
Cockpit and Crotchduster showed up at the EC with their out-of-town guests, Lil Dribble and Whiney Van Slut from Palm Beach. From here, trail led off into mainstream Deliverance (that would be Deliverance that happens in a highly populated area), running parallel to Tropical trail.  Eventually trail crossed Courtney and Myrtice (don't ask me how we got there—we must have Rhaspberry-warped).  We came out into the parking lot of Caraba's where pack was highly tempted to ditch the rest of trail and go inside for snacks, shade and BEER.   But we stuck with trail and found BEER CHECK number TWO behind a pawn shop on 520.
This was a regular beer check, but Nana was entertained by Tonidean's Red Death story from the Red Dress Run.  Apparently she was told that Red Death really was an apt name for the beverage. Not believing a word of it because she didn't feel affected at all, she continued drinking until someone off to one side said something to her.  She turned her head to comment and learned what Red Death really means. This conversation happened in the midst of another conversation between Tonidean, Just Yaw and Nana about what a hangover is.  Just Yaw claimed to never have had one and Nana asserted that he would know all about it the next day after all those "koolaids".
On-Out down the back road running behind all the shops here along 520, where Dr. Anus took advantage of an opportunity to flash Nana, who was doing her best to keep Just Yaw from falling on his face.  Just Yaw was very impressed with the display from Dr. A, and gave him a cheer and an "Encore!"  (There's got to be some name fodder in that.)
This section of trail led out into one of the many trailer parks we encountered in the "Trailer Park Tour" earlier this year.  A count-back four was found by the runners on Eileen, then true trail was discovered on Palmetto.  (I have a note here about a short bus, but now have no earthly clue what it means.  Anyone remember anything about that?)
NOTE:  This is the point I had reached in the trash when the Trash Notebook was ABDUCTED BY ALIENS.  The tales that follow may be distorted by this fact.  The truth is out there…
Trail crossed Merritt Ave and went through a church yard. Note that Nana's ass did not explode; nor was she attacked by a plague of locusts; nor did the city burn down around her.  Whew! This church must not be in good with that OTHER church from the Fire and Brimstone trail hared by Fin a while back. Passing through the church yard, Just Drew imitated the Flying Nun by running with his t-shirt wrapped on his head like a veil.  Then he went for a new look and wrapped it turban-like.  He didn't fool anyone.  Especially when he tried to high-jump over the fence at the back end of church yard and took the support pole out.  "I'm alright!"  Uh-huh. Then Ass Packet (or was it really Angry Jesus—we WERE on church property) got a wicked little grin on his face and said (without even stopping to see if Just Drew actually survived his attempt) "I know Just Yaw can make that.  I'll bet he gets some altitude over that thing.  Come on Just Yaw.  Give it a shot." And he did.  And he cleared it. With altitude. And attitude. And Nana nearly peed herself (homage to LMAU) with relief when she realized she was not yet going to have to carry the drunken sot back to her truck.
Time warp took effect and suddenly the pack was at the home of Not the Daddy, piling into the back yard where there was a POOL and BEER!  Yay, BEER!  Oh, no, not that! Please not the nekkid Just Drew!  AAAUUUGHHH!  Put something over that thing! Several members of pack took tours of the macabre décor and got loads of ideas for this year's Halloween season.  Shop found his other hand in Daddy's garage.  Way to go, Shop.
Quotes before circle:
Nana about Just Drew:  "Somebody really needs to make that boy pass out."
Just Yaw about all the wommins with bathing suits on:  "I see cleavage."
Hi-Lites from Circle
Hares in circle:  Just Puke and J